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To the Religious Right, I am No Longer a Woman

Written by Robin Marty forRH Reality Check. This diary is cross-posted; commenters wishing to engage directly with the author should do so at the original post.

In just the last seven years, I have experienced nearly every biological joy and trial that comes with being a woman. I've been on hormonal contraception. I've struggled with unexplained infertility. I've had a miscarriage. I've attempted vaginal birth. I've had an emergency c-section. I've had planned c-sections. I've used natural family planning to try to conceive. I've used natural family planning to try to not conceive. And, as a result of that, I became a woman with an unplanned pregnancy.

Currently, I am enjoying a state that I have never been in before--one where I don't have to think at all about my reproduction, fertility, trying to get pregnant, trying to avoid pregnancy or being in a state of pregnancy. It's a huge and welcome relief, frankly. Between miscarriage and two fairly closely-spaced births, I've spent well over two of the last three years having enough HCG in my bloodstream to be able to produce a positive pee test if I was so inclined. The seven months that have passed since I have had my last (and I do mean last) child is the longest I have been unencumbered by pregnancy hormones since 2009.

So it's with a bit of irony that I read the incessant assertions from the religious right that I am in fact not a true woman anymore, simply because I have chosen to remove myself from the baby game. I already had one strike against me, obviously, just for advocating that women should be allowed to decide when or if they want to have children, and for believing that sex can be meaningful even if there isn't some potential for conception to occur during the process. I've had sex to try and create children, and honestly, it can be a very stressful, non-magical endevor. As much as I can guarantee that all of my children were conceived equally in love, I can't say the same about the... um... enthusiasm.

Since the birth of my son (and, nearly as importantly, the snipping and cauterizing of my fallopian tubes) I've had the chance to relearn both emotional and physical intimacy, two items that are often lost among couples with a houseful of small children or an empty house two partners are trying desperately to fill. It's a task that is much more emotionally charged now that sex is for us alone, and without a worry about the "consequences" of sex that the religious right seems so focused on making a part of the bargain. We don't need potential consequences. Our family is complete. After all, they already outnumber us. I'd hate to get even further behind.

But to them, I am no longer a woman.

 

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