katiehalper
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Nothing says fun and festive like the Heritage Foundation, which sponsored Tuesday night's CNN GOP Obama-bash fest. But despite all the good feeling flowing about bombing Iranians and expelling Mexicans, the event lacked the warm fuzzy feeling that oozed out of last Saturday's Family Leader Thanksgiving debate. Since the liberal media refused to show this tender face of the GOP on national television (the event was only streamed on-line), most Americans missed out. Specifically, they were deprived of
1) A lovely Thanksgiving spread replete with pumpkins, gourds, and what looked like some sort of Thanksgiving Nativity.
2) The tears of tough, law and order candidates whose sympathy has been understandably depleted and spent on themselves.
3) Frank Luntz's incredible performance as a Christian. Luntz, a Jew, moderated the 
event -- in which Christian candidates, seated at a table in a church, waxed poetic on their Christian faith, recounted finding Jesus, and lamented those who hadn't -- as if he'd spenthis entire life going to Church and not synagogue. Luntz himself is quick to judge other Jews, telling, for example, liberal Jewish American parents "You have let your children down. By your religious liberalism, you have done more to destroy a religion than any suicide bomber, any politician or anyone filled with hate ever could. Shame on you." But I guess passing as a Christian and enabling Christians who consider Jews, at best, "imperfect", is kosher in Luntz's reading of the Torah.
4) Michele Bachmann "submitting to/ respecting" the men by walking around the table and serving each of the a glass of water.
5) Christian rockers David Bush & Michael O'Brien's incredibly moving "(Jesus, We Need You) More than Ever" music video, which was screened before the debate and set a wonderfully Christian tone. The song is brilliant in form and content, opening with a snippet of "America the Beautiful" done in the "Penny for Your Thoughts" musical style featured in Waiting for Guffman.
The good news is that you and your family can spend Thanksgiving watching the Thanksgiving-themed debate. It's the perfect family activity.
The "More than Ever" video will surely be the entertainment center-piece of your holiday gathering, but it will be the moral center-piece as well, informed as it is by the teachings of Jesus Christ. In the tradition of Christian parables, the video refuses to hit viewers on the head with its meanings or spoon feed its messages. Rather, it challenges the viewer with to analyze and deconstruct it. To help friends and family and yourself get the most of the subtle work of art, I present the following viewing guide. The words in italics are the lyrics of the song, which are visually featured during the video, to re-enforce the urgent message. This was an aesthetic choice, and in no way an endorsement of closed captioning or the Americans with Disabilities Act, both of which coddle our disabled, (who would otherwise most likely grow out of their disabilities) and make us less free and less safe! The words In plain font describe the images that accompany the lyrics.
Print out copies for your guests to help them capture the depth, nuance and beauty of what is sure to become an American classic.
[instrumental opening to America the Beautiful" and pan up on rugged patchwork quilt of images featuring words "More than Ever," an image of David Bush and Michael O Brien, and text saying "David Bush" and "Michael Brien" suggesting to the viewer that these two men are responsible for the song you are about to enjoy which is called "More than Ever". The particular image of David Bush emphasizes his resemblance to John Ashcroft, another gifted Christian singer and songwriter ]
fade in text* A land without a conscience
An image of a dry crop, suggesting a lack of prospering, lack of growth, lack of life, lack of fecundity. Also suggesting a lack of hopeof prospering, growth etc. The image makes the viewer long for the fertile, prosperous times of yore, when cotton plants were a'bloomin', and a'ripe for a'pickin', and all people, black and white, owner and owned, whole person and 3/5ths, shared (in some way or another) hope and prosperity.
Can only pay a tollAn image of a store front with a "Sorry, we're closed sign" and a gate suggesting that the store is both closed and sorry to be in said closed state. This suggests a bad economy and the fact that we are paying a price even though, ironically, we are unable to pay for anything since when a store is closed there is nothing you can pay for. And even if the store were stocked, it would be closed and impossible to open. Very meta.
We've lost our sense of justiceAn image of Lady Justice. The video is more overt here, since the viewer needs a break from decoding the past 4 images.]
An image of Supreme Court. This suggests the theme of Justice reflected above. This is for anyone who missed the above, either because they went to the bathroom or don't recognize Lady Justice, who, for good reason and under John Ashcroft's watchful eye, is less visible than she used to be.
Jesus, we need You more than ever An image of an inter-racial crowd of people walking down the street. Some of the faces are blurry, all are sad or Maoistly soul-less, suggesting our blurred identities, confusion, and just how much we need Jesus.
today
An image of a white yet sultry and exotic young woman, maybe even Italian, with tears running down her cheek. Her eye make up slightly smeared probably because she was tarted up and thus provoked some kind of attack. Her tears suggest urgency and how we need Jesus not next week, not tomorrow... but... today!.
CHORUSCome be my King
An image of a silhouette of a man praying at a huge cross who may or may not be Tim Tebow, suggesting how we "bow" (get it?) to our King, the lord Jesus Christ.
And heal a landAn image of an icy window across which it is written "Trust Jesus" presumable by some one's finger, suggesting that if we trust Jesus we will be healed and if we have lost mobility in our hand or are illiterate, Jesus will heal us and allow us to move our hand and write things like "trust Jesus."
Come turn our hearts to youa little child praying suggesting this as a possible turning-our-hearts-to-Jesus activity.
a light that never fades away
A lighthouse suggesting a house that emits light. This light will never fade away.
Oh Jesus we need you more than ever todaya sad woman sits on a bench with her face in her hand. Unlike the tarted up woman from earlier in the video, this woman is dressed conservatively and she is wearing a wedding ring, suggesting that she is not a whore but a baby killer. This baby killer is upset and she needs Jesus really bad.
A calling to repentanceA man holding a holy bible up in the air suggesting that he is, in fact, calling to repentance
Is hard to realizea man is covering his ears suggesting that he is in a state in which it is hard to realize something, or anything, quite frankly, because he literally CANNOT hear and hearing something is required for realizing something!
be arrested, while a more extreme Perry suggests that Bernanke be tried for treason and, for his own safety, never come to Texas.[In the interest of time and pedagogy, I leave the rest of the video to you and your guests. By now you should be able to deconstruct the video's meaning. Some images, like a man on his knees, and a building which says CHRISTIAN CHURCH should be easy or easier by now. But the following image is especially challenging, so I'll take the liberty of helping you break it down.]
Why wait until Christmas (Frank, that's Christian speak for Chanukah) to celebrate the birth of our lord. Why not take the opportunity to turn to Him now. Because, like the song says, we need him more than ever... today. On Thanksgiving and every day, bow your head in thanks that we live in a Christian nation, whose values are unsullied by the Enlightenment and other modernistic perversions of faith.
*fade ins and cross fades used in every transition.
It's not easy to speak truth to power or long-form birth certificates. But Rick Perry is up for the challenge. Last week, when he was asked if he believed the president's birth certificate was real, Perry responded, ""Well, I don't have a definitive answer... I don't know." Perry substantiated his doubt by citing scholar and intellectual heavy weight Donald Trump: "I had dinner with Donald Trump the other night... That came up... He doesn't think it's real."
Hallelujah ! We are witnessing... a revival... a reawakening... a renaissance... a rebirth of birtherism! Birtherism is being reborn. We are living a rebirtherism. And it is a fun rebirth! Perry himself explained this week that "It's fun to -- to poke... him a little bit and say, 'Hey, how about -- let's see your grades and your birth certificate.'" Let the good times roll!
Like birthers, these rebirthers are dismissed as using smear tactics. But people like Perry and Trump are the midwives of freedom, delivering a rebirth of birtherism, helping birtherism re-rear its beautiful head. The only thing these rebithers are smearing is a placenta of patriotism, all over the country.
Birthers are marginalized as racists. But when it comes to Perry and Trump, race-card dealers are barking up the wrong and totally not racist tree. Just ask Donald Trump, who is keenly aware of his excellent rapport with black people: "I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks." He's so down with black people, he gets to call them "the blacks." Though he can't make the claim that some of his best friends are black, Trump can state that some of the people with who he has and has had a great relationship are black. And if that's not proof of non-racism, I don't know what is. Rick Perry's relationship with "the blacks" blows Trump's out of the (Wade in the*) water! Only a man with a lot of black friends gets away with calling his hunting camp "N*^#&$ Head Rock"! This guy has cred! And though he's too modest to say it, Perry has a very special relationship with "the blacks," and offers them that special southern hospitality; he provides them with shelter, food, routine and structure as they await their executions! Of the 321 people on death row in Texas, 126 are black. That's 41%, even though African Americans make up 11.8% of the population of Texas! Perry makes sure the blacks, disenfranchised and under-represented in so many ways for so long, are finally over-represented on death row.
*Some of my favorite songs are black!
1. Newt Gingrich proclaims: "I'm a hawk. But I'm a cheap hawk." Just like I like my men: aggressive and ungenerous. I'm actually surprised he hasn't had MORE wives.
2. Michele Bachmann vows "I will build a double-walled fence." It is unclear whether she moonlights in construction or will have her 23 children build the fence.
3. Rick Perry uses the Palinist method, ignoring the question he's asked, answering the question he would like to ask and telling Anderson Cooper, "You get to ask the questions, I get to answer like I want to."
4. Anderson Cooper either forgets who is talking to or actually thinks the following distinction will not be lost on Perry, replying, "That's actually a response, that's not an answer, but go ahead."
5. Michele Bachmann says "We need to listen to Ronald Reagan. No pastels. We need bold colors." Actually, that was her husband.
6. Cain stands by his statement "Don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the big banks. If you don't have a job, and you're not rich, blame yourself." Receives a loud and extended applause usually reserved for an impressive number of executions and letting sick people die.
7. Newt Gingrich insists on the importance of a candidate's religion: "how can you have judgment if you have no faith? And how can I trust you with power if you don't pray?" Nice to know that he and Ahmadinejad see theocratic eye to theocratic eye on that one.
8. Comparing himself to Mitt Romney, Cain says, "his business executive experience has been more Wall Street- oriented; mine has been more Main Street." I would have said "more thin-crusted."
9. Anderson Cooper cites Baptist pastor who called Mormonism "a cult." Audience boos, though it's unclear whether they are booing the statement or whether they are booing the religion itself. Mormonism may have been the gay solider of the night.
10. Post Debate CNN panel includes Ari Fleischer. Apparently no other war crimes-enabling liars were available.
New Mexico Governor says "Do as I say, not as my grandparents did." Republican Susana Martinez has tried to repeal the law allowing undocumented workers to have drivers licenses and opposed the dream act, saying "It is not comprehensive reform to put people who are here illegally, who violated the law, and put them in front of the line for those folks who have been waiting and doing all the right things to come to the United States, to come here legally, and/or to become a citizen. We cannot allow those folks to just jump the line." I guess Martinez would "grandfather in" her own grandfather since, as she just revealed in an interview on Spanish television, her grandparents "arrived without documents, especially my father's father."
Joe Walsh Boycotts president's speech & reads it and projects it on a big screen instead. Refusing to be a political prop, Walsh, the deadbeat dad who owes his ex-wife over $100,000 in child support and lecture the president on spending, set up a small-business forum last night. The Daily Herald reports that "While people watched the speech live on a large screen in the center's auditorium, Walsh was sequestered in an anteroom, where he later said he was reading a copy of Obama's remarks. Moments after Obama ended his speech, Walsh emerged and spoke to the media outside the building."
Viewers of GOP debate confused by homoerotic tension between anti-marriage equality nominees Rick Perry and Mitt Romney. Perry and Romney have signed the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) pledge, vowing that if elected they would push for a federal same-sex-marriage ban, nominate strict Constitutionalist judges, defend DOMA and investigate the "harassment" of traditional marriage advocates. Yet it was undeniable that political and sexual tension were in the air between the two strapping tanned governors. 
I doubt that any members of the Congressional Black Caucus got any sleep last night. I'm sure they were tossing and turning, sick with worry and regret, trembling in fear over Allen West's threat to leave the caucus. What could possible make West want to break ranks with colleagues he respectfully and lovingly likens to overseers? Apparently, West was disturbed by comments by CBC members like Andre Carson, who said “some of them in Congress right now of this tea party movement would love to see you and me ... hanging on a tree.” Chairman Emanuel Cleaver must have had the fear of death in him when he read West's ultimatum. West urged Cleaver to "condem" and "disassociate the Congressional Black Caucus" from the "hate filled comments." "Otherwise" wrote West "I will have to seriously reconsider my membership within the organization.” Grounding his decision in the wise words of President Obama, whom he respectfully and lovingly calls "the dumbest person walking around in America right now" West explained "we heard the president talk about some of this over-the-top rhetoric and we should move away from that.” I seriously hope the CBC changes its oh so hateful tune and adopts, instead, the rational, moderate and not at all over the top voice spoken by Allen West. Here are the 10 of the countless Allen Westisms the CBC should emulate.
Apparently, it riles people who aren't on the left as well. According to a poll run by the FOX affiliate asking "Do you think Colorado Rep. Doug Lamborn’s ‘tar baby’ comment in reference to President Obama was racist?" 110 people said yes and 52 said no (as of 6:48 pm). I assume lefties aren't the only ones who know about and fill out FOX 31 Denver polls. After living here for 57 years, I have seen an "Arizona dust storm" or two. What irritates me is the growing trend to call our Arizona dust storms "haboobs." While other countries in the world may call them that, this is the United States. Even more, this is Arizona, not some Middle Eastern nation. I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob. How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term that is clearly an Arizona phenomenon. Dust storms such as we have are as unique as cacti and diamondback rattlesnakes. Keep it as it is - an Arizona dust storm!
- scarlet: the color of the letter that whore was forced to wear in that boring movie that was turned into an even more
boring book and which Nancy Pelosi should be forced to wear - orange: the beautiful hue of House Speaker John Boehner's glowing soft as a baby's bottomskin
- guitar: the instrument Bush borrowed from Mark Wills and played during Katrina
- loofah: this thing Bill O'Reilly really likes
- tariff: something related to taxes which we should definitely not raise for the wealthy who create jobs just by trickling
- safari: a tour of where you get to see but don't have to touch different kinds of natives in Africa
- serendipity: an awesome movie even if it does star the Communist John Cusack
- nadir: the sad-looking man obsessed with cars who some liberals blame for Bush presidency, even though we all know the Supreme Court vote him in. Thanks again, Antonin.
- spinach: the thing that health nut hippies who believe in things like fluoride want to force their kids to eat when apple pie is just fine, thank you very much.
- Humus is the food of the enemy and as such must not be eaten, nonetheless spoken! In fact, as New York's MTA implores us, "if you see something, say something" and be sure to report any humus eaters to law enforcement.
