Sex Talk: AlterNet Readers Sound Off on the Female Orgasm

By Tana Ganeva, AlterNet. Posted August 16, 2008.

In 1976 sex researcher Shere Hite published a study invalidating the "myth of the vaginal orgasm:" the idea, famously propagated by Freud and porn, that all women should get off from vaginal penetration.

But regressive myths about women and sex have a way of sticking around; as Hite points out in an article recently published on AlterNet, the idea that penetration is better than clitoral stimulation has found new life in the much-trumpeted but rarely documented g-spot. Hite argues that our culture-wide obsession with the elusive g-spot sends the message that women unable to get off from vaginal sex are somehow sexually inadequate. What's needed, according to Hite, is a new definition of sex that reflects how most women experience sexual pleasure.

Hite's article has set off a spirited debate on AlterNet's comment boards. Several readers commend Hite for once again fighting narrow constructions of female sexuality. Many others, however, argue that Hite is pushing a schematic of sex that is just as restrictive as anything a dead male psychoanalyst could have dreamt up.

Uriahz praises Hite for the original study but goes on to criticize her for trying to set up yet another limiting sexual "norm:"

Kind of sad, actually, to see an author who broke new ground, as Hite did, now appearing reactive and closed to new research and discoveries other than her own.

Some women really do get off, as in have an ORGASM, through vaginal and sometimes even anal sex. Why do you have to demean it by calling it "vaginal fulfillment"? ... Why do you need to have a unified standard of sexuality, anyway? ... Seeking to "define" sex means establishing some official "normal," and that's just crap. The only "right" way to have sex is to communicate with your partner in such a way that you both get what you want out of the experience, and the only "wrong" way is to get wrapped up in external expectations of performance or propriety, of achieving normalcy.

Many commenters point out that recent research -- not to mention their personal experience -- lends credence to the existence of the g-spot:

Nen writes:

The g-spot is a bundle of tissues and nerve fibers that in males develops into the prostate gland. It is still present in females to a greater or lesser degree depending on the person. Each person's anatomy is different. I repeat: Each person's anatomy is different. I have encountered people who do not enjoy having their clitoris touched by others, either because it is too sensitive or they simply get frustrated with the heavy-handedness of their partner's stimulation.

Beatriceturpin finds that her experience does not mesh with Hite's research and conclusions:

No woman or man is going to tell me that there is no such thing as vaginal orgasm or a g-spot. I've never had anal sex so can't tell there but I've definitely had three different and equally pleasurable types of orgasm. In order to have a vaginal orgasm, a woman has to contract her muscles repeatedly and quickly: It takes work but oh, so worth it!!!!!

Telling women that there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm is irresponsible. Every woman is different and perhaps it is much harder for some women to achieve this -- it took me years -- but saying it can't happen is bullshit!!!!!! Ditto for the g-spot: stimulated by penetration only in my case. Different kind of orgasm there. By the way, penetration is always part of masturbation for me. Has Hite never heard of sex toys? The clitoris is VERY important, but just as it is a mistake to reduce sexuality to penetration and ignore the clitoris, it is a huge mistake to ignore the pleasure and orgasms of penetration in women's sexuality.

Maddy also criticizes Hite for being dismissive of the vaginal orgasm:

A G-spot triggered orgasm? I usually need to be peeled off the ceiling afterward. I forget my name, and I've even burst into tears it's so intense. The G-spot takes time and training to wake up, but once it's in the mix, multiple orgasms through vaginal and anal sex are commonplace. For me now, the surface orgasm is just the warm-up act, and I've even conditioned myself to need g-spot attention for those. Best self-discipline of my life!

Maddy goes on to point out that proponents of clitoral over vaginal stimulation sometimes end up discouraging women from exploring their sexuality:

I would argue that one of the reasons the g-spot hasn't been "discovered" is that women -- through well-intentioned efforts by feminists and sex therapists -- have been taught to take pride in not preferring penetration, so women don't experiment enough to figure out how to have g-spot arrived orgasms. I also think that many women still feel shame at the idea of penetrating themselves.

But, again, I feel sorry for women who don't have g-spot orgasms. Keep exploring, girls! The truth is out there!

Other commenters point out that applying research and "expertise" to sexuality misses the point, since everyone is different and people learn best by listening to their partners:

JoshuaLudd writes:

Ah great ... sex by committee. Wonderful. I'm all for exploration ... believe me ... I really am ... but do we really need some sort of definition for something that is different for every individual and every couple?

Loxias agrees, pointing out that sex does not need to be "defined" -- particularly if men bother listening to their partners:

I've had enough partners to know that most women, once comfortable, are pretty explicit as to what they expect you to do, where to do it, how long to do it, when to move, and how quickly you should repeat. The more you pay attention and remember, the happier everyone is as things progress. It's like birthdays. Pay attention and you'll know what gift to buy. If you are going to be militant and draw up a charter, well, that's likely going to end up "shrinking" your list of applicants ... no wonder you have to write it all down?

AMERICAN VETERAN also argues that good communication is a lot more useful than the advice of experts:

When I was just entering my teens ... I paid attention to the various effects my actions had on my partners. I also ASKED them what they did/didn't like and other things. You can't get this from a book and/or an article. Can you imagine being with someone who is thinking, "OK, I'll do this first like this"? ... I believe that most books/articles are written for money rather than to actually be useful to others.

But reader emmas disagrees, pointing out that Hite does not tell people what to do in bed. Instead, Hite is trying to break pernicious myths that make women feel inadequate:

"Not if you're doing it right."

I think perhaps that's what the author's getting at -- the perception that if women aren't having orgasms through intercourse, it's because they or their partners are "doing it wrong." The idea is that, if a woman can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation, that doesn't make the sex, the woman, or the partner, inferior, a bad lover, etc. It just means accepting that different people get off in different ways, with different types of stimulation, and that's OK -- penetrative sex isn't the be all end all.

Arlene also argues that Hite's research is not prescriptive, but encourages women to figure out what they like:

I think what Ms. Hite is saying is that women figure it out for themselves. Men could probably work less hard if they were less aggressive, instead, encouraging their partner to take the initiative if she is too inhibited to do so on her own.

As is usually the case with topics concerning sex, Hite's article has sparked a vigorous and fascinating debate. AlterNet thanks all the readers who contributed to this interesting -- and educational -- discussion of female sexuality.

              

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