interesting update, especially "Many women enjoy intercourse as a kind of foreplay, then use specific clitoral massage to orgasm, done systematically and gently". I did not know or realize that. Troube is of course that many males, as soon as hey had an orgasm, dont want sex anymore, making other forms of stimulation after coitus unlikely. BTW, does the author think that women that do orgasm during coitus actually reach the orgasm because of the clitorus is being stimulated during intercourse?

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So, any particular suggestions how sex can be redefined or understood differently, or was this meant to be just one long, um, tease with no actual, um, climax?

One thing I've learned, FWIW, is that while women can be multiply orgasmic, men are not quite that fortunate; so when I'm with a partner of a given gender I use that knowledge appropriately.

This means considerably more oral/manual stimulation with women, with a great deal of freedom to climax; with men, I tend to go much more slowly and build things up to the crescendo. In either case the results seem to be rather spectacular and reasonably satisfactory, as well as quite intimate and conducive to good emotional and psychological connection.

I've never found the G-spot, though.

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I love the Hite Report and participated in the surveys.
I described what is now called 'date rape' and it was included in the book.
I think this was phenomenal work and Sherrie Hite has not received the attention and praise that she deserves.
Keep up the good work. You are number 1 to me because you tell the real truth about women's sexuality.

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I remember the HITE REPORT and the hostility of the men in the audience of the Phil Donahue Show when she appeared on it to discuss her book when it first came out. The idea that women could pleasure themselves by themselves but not with a male partner was really threatening for some of them.

Thanks to the virginity cult and lack of birth control I could control, I was terrified of sex when I was young. The only way I could tolerate it was to go somewhere else mentally while the performance was going on.

I think what Ms. Hite is saying is that women figure it out for themselves. Men could probably work less hard if they were less aggressive, instead, encouraging their partner to take the initiate if she is too inhibited to do so on her own.

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Okay. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. Maybe it's the vast amount of study I've put into sex on account of being a horny little bastard, but that whole 'the myth of the vaginal orgasm' stuff is a little ridiculous.

Some women really do get off, as in have an ORGASM through vaginal and sometimes even anal sex. Why do you have to demean it by calling it 'vaginal fulfillment'? Why all the politicking? 'New definition for sex'. Really? Come on. Sex is not some well-defined encyclopedia entry where a change in definition is going to suddenly make sex awesome. Sex is not black and white, not simple science. The fact is that people are all different, and we're every bit as different sexually from one person to another as we are in temperament, and we don't have to have rigid definitions at all anymore. If sex is penetration to you, fine. If it's any activity where two people get off touching each other's genitals, fine. Doesn't matter.

What does the science say? The vast majority of women are capable of orgasm. Only 1-in-3 women are capable of getting off from vaginal stimulation alone, but most of those girls get off faster, harder, or more often with clitoral stimulation. So if you want your girl to get off, you damn well better be servicing the clitoris.

There. Was that so hard? Why do you need to have a unified standard of sexuality, anyway? I dated one girl whose G-Spot became really swollen with clitoral stimulation. Pressing against that spot once it was really engorged for a couple minutes got her off so hard she'd ejaculate, if you could hold on to her long enough. I'm pretty sure that counts as a vaginal orgasm. Can most women do that? No, probably not. But what's really important is to explore and appreciate your partner's sexuality for what it is, and spend more time playing with each other's genitals. Seeking to 'define' sex means establishing some official 'normal', and that's just crap. The only 'right' way to have sex is to communicate with your partner in such a way that you both get what you want out of the experience, and the only 'wrong' way is to get wrapped up in external expectations of performance or propriety, of achieving normalcy.

So regardless of the many things I'm sure I agree with the author on, like the transcendent possibilities of the sexual experience, and the basics of good sex, I do not think this is a well-written or well-thought article. It's an outdated mindset as much as the conservative viewpoint, different only in kind.

But that's just my two cents.

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To see an author who broke new ground, as Hite did, now appearing reactive and closed to new research and discoveries other than her own.

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What does the gay culture have to say about this?

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I have directed my readers to forward to their partners!!

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Hite's characterization of how sex is depicted does not jibe with my experience. I see a lot of clitoral and labial stimulation in the porn I view and read. In fact it is rare to see pornographic depictions of intercourse without cunnilingus during foreplay and clitoral stimulation during penetration. So I find her conclusions unconvincing.

As a long married person, I also find it ridiculous to talk about female sexual enjoyment without factoring in the male's experience because from what i can see, females are all about relationship. Even I, a male, have discovered that the greatest pleasure from sex comes from enjoying my partner's enjoyment.

Intercourse, done right, for an adequate period, has dynamics that are not involved in quick wham bang thank you maam sex. The genitals become generalized throughout the body and clitoral stimulation merges with vaginal just as penile stimuli become one with the testes, nipples and whatever else is being stimulated. In a committed relationship, at least, in the end the orgasm is a whole body event as two bodies become one. Becoming one is not a trivial idealistic cliche. Not if you're doing it right.

I guess I should admit the world of female sexual enjoyment outside of committed relationships. I would wish sex as a public topic were not a gotcha, quick one-liner medium devoid of instruction or emotional content. Then lonely people would have a better chance of sexual enjoyment. That's where I would focus--not on clitoral stimulation.

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No woman or man is going to tell me that there is no such thing as vaginal orgasm or a G-spot. I've never had anal sex so can't tell there but I've definitely had three different and equally pleasurable types of orgasm. In order to have a vaginal orgasm, a woman has to contract her muscles repeatdly and quickly: it takes work but oh, so worth it!!!!! Telling women that there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm is irresponsible. Every woman is different and perhaps it is much harder for some women to achieve this - it took me years - but saying it can't happen is bullshit!!!!!! Ditto for the G-spot: stimulated by penetration only in my case. DIfferent kind of orgasm there. By the way, penetration is always part of masturbation for me. Has Hite ever heard of sex toys? The clitoris is VERY important but just as it is a mistake to reduce sexuality to penetration and ignore the clitoris, it is a huge mistake to ignore the pleasure and orgasms of penetration in women's sexuality.

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The whole problem of G spot, coital orgasm versus clitoral orgasm and duration of coitus is irrelevant if one were to consider the concept of sequential orgasm as it is suggested in the French name for orgasm "petit mort" or little death. Consider the female orgasm as a precondition for lubrication and male insertion. Hence during the female recovery after orgasm takes place the male can, in less than the controversial 2 minutes came to orgasm and ejaculate.
The thesis makes sense for all animals where the cooperation of the female is required for successful coitus and mating.

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I've had enough partners to know that most women, once comfortable, are pretty explicit as to what they expect you to do, where to do it, how long to do it, when to move, and how quickly you should repeat. The more you pay attention and remember, the happier everyone is as things progress. It's like birthdays. Pay attention and you'll know what gift to buy.
If you are going to be militant and draw up a charter, well, that's likely going to end up "shrinking" your list of applicants... no wonder you have to write it all down?

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I have not seen this argument in a long, long time...

I used to subscribe to this argument when I was in my late teens, and, in particular, as a college student who was discovering the language, insights, and radicalism of feminism. I too thought that the myth of the vaginal orgasm privileged male-centered sex, ya know the kind George Carlin dubbed the "man-on-top-get-it-overwith-quick" variety.

And I still understand why this argument continues to matter to feminism and issues of gender equality. Yes, most women prefer to climax through surface stimulation of the clitoris. And, yes, historically, male domination of the sciences led to this being pathologized as a sign that a woman hadn't matured. In fact, the worst cases of this were when women were diagnosed as "frigid" for not enjoying vaginal penetration, when in actuality they had endometriosis. So I remember and understand this argument.

I also think that this argument, as another poster mentioned above, has had a real impact in how we have sex. To quote Dan Savage, you should return any offer of sex that doesn't include oral. Manual and oral stimulation of women to orgasm have become more accepted as "standard" sex practice. God bless those secular humanists!

But. !!!!

As so often happens, I have gotten older.

Now I'm in my early 30s.

And I feel so sorry for women who do not experience a G-spot triggered orgasm. MINE exists honey. It's still the clitoris, but it's triggered from underneath.

A surface clitoral orgasm--through manual or oral is lovely. Especially when I just want to go to sleep.

A G-spot triggered orgasm? I usually need to be peeled off the ceiling afterwards. I forget my name, and i've even burst into tears it's so intense. The G-spot takes time and training to wake up, but once it's in the mix, multiple orgasms through vaginal and anal sex are commonplace. For me now, the surface orgasm is just the warm up act, and i've even conditioned myself to need G-spot attention for those. Best self-disclipine of my life!

I would argue that one of the reasons the G-spot hasn't been "discovered" is that women--through well-intentioned efforts by feminists and sex therapists--have been taught to take pride in not preferring penetration, so women don't experiment enough to figure out how to have G-spot arrived orgasms. I also think that many women still feel shame at the idea of penetrating themselves.

But, again, I feel sorry for women who don't have G-spot orgasms. Keep exploring, girls! The truth is out there!

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you're not into being natural and adventurous.
I used to subscribe to Playboy.
The "Advisor" section had many ignorant questions about "how/why/when/where, etc."

I can't believe so many people are so ignorant.
When I was just entering my teens( and entering a few other teens;), I paid attention to the various effects my actions had on my partners.
I also ASKED them what they did/didn't like and other things.

You can't get this from a book and/or an article.
Can you imagine being with someone who is thinking, "OK, I'll do this first like this"?
The stiffness is in the wrong place.lol

I believe that most books/articles are writen for money rather than to actually be useful to others.

If the reverse was actually true, then there would be something written about "afterplay".
When was the last time anyone of you even discussed it?
Afterplay is a wonderfully sexual experience.
So is being a cunning linguist;)

Talk with each other!!

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Maybe I'm a weird male. But I prefer non-coital orgams. I prefer to get my partner off with either my hand or my mouth as I can respond to her responses. To me, the greatest turn-on is to be having oral sex with a woman who has an orgasm. When I am penetrating her, I am not responding to her responses so much and the focus seems to be more on performance than pleasuring.

And even myself, I prefer masturbation to coital orgasms. I love to have a woman doing things to me while I masturbate. (I much prefer that to masturbating alone.) But again, with intercourse, I seem to be more focused on performance than pure pleasure.

If we're talking about re-definitions, I would like to add that women perhaps need to know how to pleasure a man who is masturbating as I have not found many women who will get actively involved at that time. (Not that I've had that many partners.) I find masturbating myself to be more enjoyable than her performing orally on me. I like that as a prelude, but I don't ejaculate that way. (And I notice most porn stars don't either.) And for a woman to stroke me is nice at first, but seldom will I get off that way.

Allow me to focus on servicing a woman manually and orally, and allow me to be pleasured in my erotic zones while masturbating. I think we'll both be happy.

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#######
#######

Here's a novel idea:

Return the SACRED to human
sexuality; that is, stop
focusing on GETTING-OFF -
in both men and women - and
begin raising up children
to be LADIES and GENTLEMEN
--to TREAT HUMAN SEXUALITY
as MEANS to PROCREATION,
rather than as means to FUN
and GAMES and VENEREAL
DISEASES.

Hmmm...seems that that had
been the focus before radical
feminism went on the march to
destroy the sacred in human
sexuality.

#######
#######

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Ms. Hite's field research is great and useful, but the greater part of science is where theory meets statistics.

How is this: men have quick orgasms (and women can't reach a good stopping point sooner than men) because in evolutionary terms, that's the most efficient way to transfer sperm and produce kids.

I still will go along with the often trumpeted ideal of maximizing pleasure for both partners. One exception: it's not worth using extra-slippery but carcinogenic sexual lubricants. More pleasure right now is not worth a dice roll for an early painful death.

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... sex by comittee.

Wonderful.

I'm all for exploration... believe me.. I really am.... but do we really need some sort of definition for something that is different for every individual and every couple?

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'Merkaans are too keyed up about sex and propriety (either hiding from it or doing it "properly"). This is madness.

I've been with women who preferred internal stimulation and with women who preferred external stimulation. The bottom line for me is, whatever you want, honey, I'm there for ya. Otherwise what's the point?

I agree with the author, that we're long overdue for a definition change. Hell the whole cult-ure needs an enema, really.

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Read The Last Horizon: Feminine Sexuality & The Class System. It will open your mind.

The Last Horizon

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When the majority of women used to be estrogen-dominant: girly-girls who gained weight on their hips, they would just stay quiet and defer to the stronger male who supposedly knew what he was doing. Even when he was clumsy, unimaginative and arrogant.

Now that there are a large number of women who are testosterone-dominant: powrr grrls who gain weight on their bellys, they aren't putting up with that crap. Guys who can't or won't learn how to please a testo-girl will receive anything from instruction to a good firm slapping. If a guy doesn't go down on them they'll find a girl who will.

Personally, I've always known women of every variety to orgasm during coitus. You just have to do it right. Forget about the hard slammed in-and-out that is so common in porn. Learn to do "the bump", a lot of ins and very little outs. The clitoris gets plenty of stimulation and that means everyone gets a happy ending.

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Shere Hite begins with this bit of total nonsense in her commentary,

'The Hite Report on Female Sexuality research shows that 94 percent of women can regularly orgasm via self-stimulation (separate stimulation of the exterior vulva or pubis).'

Really? Not 93%or 95% of women, but 94%, Shere? That does not jive with my experience with women, where most of them are not even masturbating at all. As a man, it would have been a little hard for women I have spent time with to be hiding masturbation from me, and I can't really hide my masturbation from them either. They just mainly have not done it, with only an exception or two.

So I think your key fudge word here is the word 'can', Shere, like in 'can regularly orgasm via self-stimulation'. Maybe perhaps? But 'can' is not in any way saying that they 'do', now is it? However your report misleads people into thinking that this is something normal for women to be be doing, uh '94%' of the time. Says who says it's normal, Shere Hite? You? Might you want women to be merely immitating men, 94% of the time, and have put your own thinking on this and hidden it behind a smoke screen of pseudo science? Maybe?

You might think that it should be normal for them to be doing it, but you just might be wrong you know? I think your commentary and your report is 94% full of your own nonsense, and not with science.

94% of us readers should probably doubt that you are the grand holder of ALL knowledge on this aspect of human sexuality.

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...If watching it educates the viewer on what satisfies a partner. I've come to believe that if a man watches some really good lesbian sex videos, you can learn a lot about what satisfies a woman. I wish I had been able to see this in my younger days. I would have learned to "talk to the little man in the boat" a lot earlier in my sexually active life, and probably had more satisfying and successful relationships. I've talked to a few women that I was not sexually involved with who make it very clear that oral sex is the ONLY way they can achieve orgasm, and doing it long enough and well enough will more than score extra points with them.

The one thing I would tell a younger man is to embrace cunnilingus early and often with your female partners, and do it until your tongue goes numb!

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I suggest the author, and the readers, research a little of Tantra if you want a really "new" view of sex. ("new" as in "new to you"... this stuff has been around for thousands of years)

Tantric practices (it is not a religion) focus more on enjoying ALL of sex, not just the WOOHOOO! at the end. You can turn a simple back rub into something intensely sexual, not reach "orgasm" in the traditional sense, and still feel extremely sexually satisfied afterwards... or you can focus the energies in such a way to turn that simple back rub into a string of powerful orgasmic explosions that leave you gasping for air.

"When you focus only on the destination, you lose out on the journey"... this applies as much to sex as it does to a road trip. If all you focus on is the orgasm, you lose out on the enjoyment of the rest of the experience. Most peoples orgasm lasts ~15 seconds from what I've experienced, most intercourse I've had lasted in the 20-30 min range (from foreplay to WOOHOO)... orgasm made up about 0.5-1% of that time... no matter how good they feel I simply can not see why you would allow yourself to miss 99% of the rest of the experience.

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Many medical studies show that no specific spot exists. (regarding the G-spot)

I noticed you didn't include a citation here. Or any citations at all. So much for all your research. Clearly it's time for Anatomy 101 again. The G-spot is a bundle of tissues and nerve fibers that in males develops into the prostate gland. It is still present in females to a greater or lesser degree depending on the person. Each person's anatomy is different. I repeat: each person's anatomy is different. I have encountered people who do not enjoy having their clitoris touched by others, either because it is too sensitive or they simply get frustrated with the heavy-handedness of their partner's stimulation. (The list goes on. There are more reasons.)

Ladies and female-bodied folks, if you've tried and tried and can't find your G-spot, don't think there's some freaky anatomical thing going on with you. It may not be close enough to the surface to be stimulated or the nerves may not be sensate enough to give you pleasure. Don't stress it. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong.

Also, Hite, study the Tantra. With so much focus on the orgasm, you're not even dealing with a fraction of what sex is. You want a new definition? You're looking in the wrong place. If you thoroughly enjoyed yourself, felt your inhibitions fly out the window, connected with the other person (or with yourself if you were alone), even if you didn't orgasm, it was still sex. I have stimulated my partner into ecstasy through massage (NOT of the sex organs) and even through hypnotic suggestion. Consider this, can paraplegic people have sex?

On the note of vaginal orgasm, I would like to submit the fact that the nerves of the vagina are usually closer to the surface (ie: can be stimulated more easily) on the reverse side of the perenium. This means, the vaginal nerves are usually more accessible for stimulation through the anus. Now, I know some folks don't like to be stimulated that way for various reasons, but I wish to point out the fact that in discussing vaginal orgasm, you didn't even mention this. So much for your research.

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Could it be that the author is conducting a research here. I hope it was enlightening.

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One of the benefits of "exhibitionistic", cyber "porn" is the positive, exemplary "demos" submitted by people who seem to be able to enjoy positive, healthy and happy, consensual sex. These are not the usual, exploitative, power plays, and/or S&M varieties, but folks who provide an "educational" service, so to speak. Perhaps AlterNet could provide a "Clearing House" for such. Such sites already provide various "categories", such as "Squirting", affirmed in this discourse. (Wilhelm Reich's daughter,a progenitor, recently R.I.P., would be gratified.)Life is Research! Carry On!

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As a married 30 something gal, I totally agree with this. I have orgasms only by my own doing, and I want them several times a week. I have discussed this with my husband to little avail. Before we married, I got a special treat of oral once a year, and of course, I orgasmed no trouble. Whoopde doo, huh? I guess I should have figured things out then, but I didn't or I thought it would all work out somehow. I love my hubby, but I do know that orgasm releases oxytocin and lots of other good stuff and helps bond two people. I give a lot more than I get in terms of attention, foreplay, period. I have struggled over 8+ years to not feel resentment over the years about this. I am continually amazed at my husband's clueless looks or disinterest when I bring this up... this possibility of a more egalitarian arrangement and things I'd like or that would make me orgasm with probably very little trouble (as I have noticed I'm reaching a sexual peak of sorts in the last year). And I have voiced the things I think would help. And I have not nagged.

I honestly have to say that it would make me much happier, and I DO feel I'm missing out on things. I primarily blame male sexual culture, Christian popular culture that is male dominant (and says sex is for male orgasms and procreation and that women need to quit nagging about anything else), and the ignorance that parents breed in their kids. The attitude of my partner is nothing unusual, I think, though I do hope that it is... and that he's just 50 years behind the times. I am almost certain my mother and aunts have the same issues I have though I could never ask about such things. I just think after my reading and thinking that orgasm IS very important for women... not just for pleasure, but for bonding with partners and those they love.

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I have talked with my two 30 something sisters in law. And they say the same thing. Sex but no orgasms for them... so there is definitely a contingent of these guys out there. I am not sure that they have spoken to their husbands, but I do know that they have told me about it. That was after they had both been married for a couple years apiece. :) I could tell they were thinking, "Is this all there is to it?" They had had little sexual experience before marriage, so...

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Well, that's not gonna happen. He's a good dad to our daughter and is loving and provides well. This is really the ONE thing I would change in our marriage. And maybe it still can... I haven't given up...

Thanks for your advice though ;)

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Multiples for him not working so well. Females have orgasms during sleep just as males have. All in your freeeaking head!!!!!!!

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Not one single person agreed with the author, and apparently not one single person read it with two hands because if they had, they would have found that the article did in fact address whatever measly ass whiny thing they were babbling about.

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Sex but no orgasms for them... I came across an online blog for individual seeking interr acial love recently. It is ++++((((---Blackwhitemeet. C O M))))++++ Many black and white singles posted their comments about sex and relationship there.

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Human sexuality is primarily for procreation. Female sexuality is no superior to that of males. In eostrous the female may become quite gregarious, after all why not test the theory of sperm wars and see if it's true. While our disgruntled contributors speak of lack lustre enthusiasm in there partners, just simply do what wise females do. Cuckold the partner for reproductive purposes, and choose a semi permenant one with a rather fuller nest for social reality. Which is more important the means to get what you want or equality. Better yet fulfil female destiny and become lesbian freshmeat.

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