My Big Phat Same-Sex Prison Wedding

I was wearing my orange jumpsuit with black tennis shoes on my wedding day. And I was not able to kiss my wife.

We got married in San Francisco County Jail on Aug. 19, 2008. I remember it like it was yesterday. The jail staff told me this was the first time a same-sex marriage happened there. I was so scared and nervous. 

I signed the marriage license papers in front of the notary lady from the bail bonds place across the street. My wife-to-be, Shayonna, wasn’t allowed upstairs, so we signed it separately.

After that a guard took me into this little room were Shayonna was waiting. She looked so pretty. Her hair was in this little cute bun with a ponytail. She had braids and little spikes coming out of the bun. She was wearing a silver skirt with a champagne-colored shirt and orange shoes. The only thing I could do special was my hair—I put a little ponytail at the top of my single braids.

We said our vows and I cried like a big baby because I couldn’t believe I was really getting married to this beautiful woman. We both said “I do” and then we took a picture. We were about to touch each other but the guard said we couldn’t touch.

It was very hard for me to say “I do” and not kiss the love of my life. She had to walk out first and then they let me walk out. I was singing “Ready for Love” by India Arie. 

I proposed to Shayonna soon after I landed in jail. I told her, “Now is a good time for us to get married, because we might not be able to get married when I get out of jail because same-sex marriage might not be allowed in California anymore.” 

She said yes. 

The first pastor we found said he couldn’t marry us when he found out I was a woman. But we eventually found one.

After we were married, everybody, both the guards and the inmates, were like, “Oh congratulations, DD!” “Thank you, I'm so happy,” I replied to everybody. I said out loud, “I’m married!” Then I went to my bunk and cried myself to sleep because I was hecka sad that I wasn’t able to touch her or kiss her. I had friends who got married to someone of the opposite sex in the same county jail, and they had been allowed to kiss, so we all assumed that the same thing would go for us.

The next day all of my friends in county jail gave me a little wedding reception during free time. They made me a cake out of honey buns with snickers melted on it. We had burritos with noodles and chicken, beef jerky sticks, cheese puffs and club crackers. We bought most of the food from the canteen, but saved the chicken pieces from our trays the night before. Then they made me a card that everybody in the whole D-pod signed. 

I first met Shayonna in front of my house in April 2008. I saw a pretty dark-skinned purple- and black-haired girl sitting in a car right by the house with another girl I knew from the neighborhood who worked as a prostitute. I thought this girl did the same thing, but I still wanted to meet her.

Later, I found out that she worked as a certified nurse assistant. She wasn’t involved in the street life.

At this time I was making fast money selling large quantities of dope (crack). I was also doing powder (cocaine). My grandmother had suspected I was gay and kicked me out, so I was paying my rent and making my money through dope. I couldn’t get a regular job because I was a felon, so I just gave up. (I got the felony in 2004 for selling crack.) 

Soon after I met Shayonna, I realized that I was in love, and I stopped smoking weed and doing powder. 

She took me to my first gay club. She thought I couldn’t dance but I went crazy on the dance floor. I think that made her like me more. I knew a lot of people at the club and I introduced Shayonna to them as my wife. She felt like wife material to me. She was already more to me that what my other girlfriends had been.