Is Adultery Good for Women? In Defense of Ashley Madison, the Cheaters' Website

By Jeff Schult, Your Tango. Posted November 3, 2009.

Living out in the sticks of Western Massachusetts as I do, there are only about 40 women on the dating site I'm browsing who meet my criteria. They all live within 20 miles of me, and range in age from 24 to 60. All are married or attached, and looking for something other than what they have at home. Few have photos available, for obvious reasons.

There is Jams1*, 24: Well-behaved women seldom make history… I may come off as a bitch, but I know exactly what it is I'm looking for and I always get what I want.

WordGoddess, 36: Happily married to a wonderful person, but need some fun in my life. I want a hot, no-strings affair… Just pure, clean fun, thank you.

Rover69469, 47, has a photo, but taken at enough of a distance to give her plausible deniability. She's a tall, attractive blonde in beach attire, wearing sunglasses, seated on a bench at a boardwalk. She is a carrying a few extra pounds, by her own estimation. On her profile: PLEASE STOP EMAILING ME, OVER 700 IN 2 DAYS, IT'S MORE LIKELY I WILL FIND YOU AT THIS POINT.

Welcome to AshleyMadison.com, home to 4.5 million practicing or potential adulterers. Your host today is CEO Noel Biderman, King of Infidelity, happily married and father of two. Perhaps you've seen him on television. The Ashley Madison Agency, established in 2001, is far and away the most successful and profitable dating company for people who are married and attached, easily beating out the likes of Affairsclub.com, lonelywivesaffairs.com, and marriedcafe.com. According to those who hold fidelity in marriage as among the highest of moral virtues, Biderman is a terrible person. To others, he is the guy who is willing to say what we all think: that monogamy isn't for everyone, all the time. And despite all the uproar over the confessed dalliances of David Letterman, Mark Sanford, and whoever is next on the adultery-exposure circuit, Biderman might be right.

One in 10 married men and women have sex with someone who is not their spouse in any given year, according to the General Social Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation. Over the long haul, estimates from various sources say that anywhere from 15 to 40 percent of married adults will have affairs, ranging from one-night stands to long-term relationships that coexist with marriages. Men are still more likely to have sex outside of marriage than are women, but the aggregate data suggest that women are closing the infidelity gap, in every age group.

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