My Husband Can't Get It Up -- But We Still Have Viagra-Free Sex

By Elizabeth Black, SeXis Magazine. Posted September 24, 2009.

About four years ago, my husband Bill began having trouble maintaining an erection. Since both of us enjoyed sex -- a lot -- we were quite dismayed. Bill loved watching me as I became aroused, especially since I have always had a highly charged libido, but even so, his erections began to peter out before I could achieve orgasm, or worse, he wouldn’t be able to get hard at all.

We had no idea what on earth was going on. I thought it was my fault. Bill had always gotten a big kick out of the intensity of my sexual desire for him. He’d even joked that I’d broken his dick -- twice. (I’d gotten a little carried away in our lovemaking a couple of times, and his equipment couldn’t handle it.) What if I had actually broken it?

Or what if I’d simply scared Dick? Bill said, “No way!”… but I wasn’t so sure. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d been putting too much pressure on him to have sex. Sometimes I worried that since I was older, perhaps he no longer found me attractive. But that wasn’t it. I knew Bill wasn’t interested in other women. He wanted only me. So why were his erections deflating before we’d had a chance to enjoy ourselves?

Over the course of time, Bill grew completely impotent. His sexual desire flagged to the point of nonexistence. I admit to feeling guilty, greedy and depressed over the lack of sex, but it was a difficult adjustment for both of us. Bill told me he still found me attractive and wanted to make love to me, but his dick won’t cooperate. I wondered if we’d ever have intercourse again. I began to think that if I wanted to fuck, I would have to find a lover, but I really didn’t want anyone other than my husband. There had to be another solution.

More Than a Little Blue Pill

The Mayo Clinic describes erectile dysfunction as “the inability to obtain an adequate erection for satisfactory sexual activity.” The cause may be physical or psychological. These men cannot achieve an erection without medical treatment. There are many online sources available for couples seeking help with erectile dysfunction, including the Mayo Clinic, The National Institutes for Health, and the American Medical Association. Men and their partners may also find erectile dysfunction support groups on the web or in their communities.

Common causes of erectile dysfunction include heart disease, clogged blood vessels, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and metabolic syndrome. Prescription drugs, alcoholism, drug abuse, smoking, treatment for prostate cancer, Parkinsons disease, multiple sclerosis, hormonal disorders such as hypogonadism (low testosterone), Peyronie’s disease, and surgeries or injuries that affect the pelvic area or spinal cord can also be to blame. In addition, psychological conditions, such as depression, anxiety, stress, fatigue, and poor communication or conflict with one’s partner can contribute to erectile dysfunction. The physical and psychological causes of erectile dysfunction often inter-connect, making the condition more chronic.

My husband and I decided it was time to see our family doctor, who prescribed testosterone gel. He told us that one of the possible side effects of this treatment was aggression, so we needed to be on the lookout for that.

Within days, Bill began to snap at me -- something he had never done before. He also drove aggressively, barked curses at passing cars and drove over the speed limit. I’d never seen him behave this way, and it scared me. Bill went from a mellow guy who sang (off key) techno tunes playing from our car’s CD player to a road rage maniac surrounded by several thousand pounds of black Swedish metal. I preferred the man whose singing voice sounded like a moose in heat to the nutcase who took over Massachusetts highways. The worst of it was that the treatment did nothing to help Bill’s erectile problems or increase his sex drive. I asked him to stop using it. He said that he could feel the Dr. Jeckyll to Mr. Hyde transformation, and he didn’t like it, either. That was the end of the testosterone gel.

That left pills to try -- although we weren’t really keen on them once we’d learned about the side effects. Besides, we’d always made fun of commercials that guy named “Bob” on the commercials who became an unlikely sexual powerhouse thanks to popping chubby pills. We never expected Bill to end up taking them. Our physician prescribed Cialis, but again, the side effects were dreadful. When Bill took the medication, he started having lower back pain and headaches -- neither of which paved the way to sexual bliss -- and he did not get an erection. Strike two.

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