COMMENTS: 34
My Husband Can't Get It Up -- But We Still Have Viagra-Free Sex
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About four years ago, my husband Bill began having trouble maintaining an erection. Since both of us enjoyed sex -- a lot -- we were quite dismayed. Bill loved watching me as I became aroused, especially since I have always had a highly charged libido, but even so, his erections began to peter out before I could achieve orgasm, or worse, he wouldn’t be able to get hard at all.
We had no idea what on earth was going on. I thought it was my fault. Bill had always gotten a big kick out of the intensity of my sexual desire for him. He’d even joked that I’d broken his dick -- twice. (I’d gotten a little carried away in our lovemaking a couple of times, and his equipment couldn’t handle it.) What if I had actually broken it?
Or what if I’d simply scared Dick? Bill said, “No way!”… but I wasn’t so sure. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d been putting too much pressure on him to have sex. Sometimes I worried that since I was older, perhaps he no longer found me attractive. But that wasn’t it. I knew Bill wasn’t interested in other women. He wanted only me. So why were his erections deflating before we’d had a chance to enjoy ourselves?
Over the course of time, Bill grew completely impotent. His sexual desire flagged to the point of nonexistence. I admit to feeling guilty, greedy and depressed over the lack of sex, but it was a difficult adjustment for both of us. Bill told me he still found me attractive and wanted to make love to me, but his dick won’t cooperate. I wondered if we’d ever have intercourse again. I began to think that if I wanted to fuck, I would have to find a lover, but I really didn’t want anyone other than my husband. There had to be another solution.
More Than a Little Blue Pill
The Mayo Clinic describes erectile dysfunction as “the inability to obtain an adequate erection for satisfactory sexual activity.” The cause may be physical or psychological. These men cannot achieve an erection without medical treatment. There are many online sources available for couples seeking help with erectile dysfunction, including the Mayo Clinic, The National Institutes for Health, and the American Medical Association. Men and their partners may also find erectile dysfunction support groups on the web or in their communities.
Common causes of erectile dysfunction include heart disease, clogged blood vessels, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and metabolic syndrome. Prescription drugs, alcoholism, drug abuse, smoking, treatment for prostate cancer, Parkinsons disease, multiple sclerosis, hormonal disorders such as hypogonadism (low testosterone), Peyronie’s disease, and surgeries or injuries that affect the pelvic area or spinal cord can also be to blame. In addition, psychological conditions, such as depression, anxiety, stress, fatigue, and poor communication or conflict with one’s partner can contribute to erectile dysfunction. The physical and psychological causes of erectile dysfunction often inter-connect, making the condition more chronic.
My husband and I decided it was time to see our family doctor, who prescribed testosterone gel. He told us that one of the possible side effects of this treatment was aggression, so we needed to be on the lookout for that.
Within days, Bill began to snap at me -- something he had never done before. He also drove aggressively, barked curses at passing cars and drove over the speed limit. I’d never seen him behave this way, and it scared me. Bill went from a mellow guy who sang (off key) techno tunes playing from our car’s CD player to a road rage maniac surrounded by several thousand pounds of black Swedish metal. I preferred the man whose singing voice sounded like a moose in heat to the nutcase who took over Massachusetts highways. The worst of it was that the treatment did nothing to help Bill’s erectile problems or increase his sex drive. I asked him to stop using it. He said that he could feel the Dr. Jeckyll to Mr. Hyde transformation, and he didn’t like it, either. That was the end of the testosterone gel.
That left pills to try -- although we weren’t really keen on them once we’d learned about the side effects. Besides, we’d always made fun of commercials that guy named “Bob” on the commercials who became an unlikely sexual powerhouse thanks to popping chubby pills. We never expected Bill to end up taking them. Our physician prescribed Cialis, but again, the side effects were dreadful. When Bill took the medication, he started having lower back pain and headaches -- neither of which paved the way to sexual bliss -- and he did not get an erection. Strike two.
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Posted by: adp3d on Sep 24, 2009 2:00 AM
Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
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» RE: old news...
Posted by: mandiwrite
» RE: old news...
Posted by: lefty010
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Posted by: cedarriver on Sep 24, 2009 3:59 AM
Current rating: 4 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The physical problem is my wife. Penetration has become painful due to adhesions and fibroid tumors.
We, too, were accustomed to way better than average sex. With a lot of communication and playful experimentation we have better sex now that when we had conventional sex. We rarely have penetrating sex, but we both experience very intense pleasure and find our relationship and intimacy somehow even more intense.
Who knows, maybe it is our age. Age is a factor, I think. After spending a life of raising kids and the perils of work family and loss together, lust seems enhanced by the deep sharing of the good and the bad all these years.
Don't let a wilting weenie or a problem like my wife's stand in the way...there's plenty of bliss available if you really care about each other.
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» RE: bliss is easy to find
Posted by: johnmont
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Posted by: George DeCarlo on Sep 24, 2009 4:29 AM
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» RE: SEEK an alternative physician or nutritionist
Posted by: wwittman
» RE: SEEK an alternative physician or nutritionist
Posted by: George DeCarlo
» RE: SEEK an alternative physician or nutritionist
Posted by: wwittman
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Posted by: Cybershaman on Sep 24, 2009 5:29 AM
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» RE: amsey and Law and Order?
Posted by: mainspark
» RE: amsey?
Posted by: Cybershaman
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Posted by: susy3c on Sep 24, 2009 6:00 AM
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» RE: ups and downs
Posted by: mainspark
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Posted by: zipper696 on Sep 24, 2009 6:49 AM
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» RE: Seems Elizabeth is okay...
Posted by: tvaspen
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Posted by: citizenjoe on Sep 24, 2009 7:21 AM
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Posted by: donnambirdlady on Sep 24, 2009 8:38 AM
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At the same time my husband's libido has dropped and it seems to me that he hardly gets erections.
We love each other dearly and are very close in other ways, but our relationship seems to have gone post sexual. This article inspired me to think of ways to pleasure each other for the shear enjoyment without worrying about whether or not his penis enters my vagina.
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» RE: Thank you for writing this!
Posted by: wwittman
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Posted by: rockthewell on Sep 24, 2009 10:04 AM
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linked text
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Posted by: raginghormones on Sep 24, 2009 10:33 AM
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Bring in a boy--maybe that will help.
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Posted by: stevedouglas on Sep 24, 2009 11:11 AM
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--------------------------------------------------------
The use of Butea Superba compared to sildenafil for treating low libido & erectile dysfunction
Published Friday, 21 August 2009
• Karolinska Institute, CKK Urologic Oncology Group, Stockholm, Sweden.
• Urology Service, University Hospital 'Dr José E. González' UANL, Monterrey, NL, México.
To evaluate the effect of an extract of Butea superba (BS) compared to sildenafil for treating erectile dysfunction & Low Libido.
THE OBJECT OF THE TEST-
An open label study was carried out among 32 men with organic erectile dysfunction (ED) to evaluate the response on the International Index of Erectile Function 5(IIEF-5) to Butea Superba, a 'natural health' product (50mg), compared to 50 mg of sildenafil (a phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitor). After a 1-week wash-out, responders to Butea received either 100 mg starch or 100 mg of another batch of Butea (double-blind).
Of the patients in the Butea group, 27 (84%) responded positively, compared with 26 (81%) in the sildenafil group. When assessing the score alone, 12 (38%) had a better score after taking Butea, compared to seven (22%) after sildenafil, and eight (25%) had the same score. The results were surprising. A 'natural' health product containing Butea Superba was more effective than sildenafil in the study.
Written by:
Cortés-González JR, Arratia-Maqueo JA, Gómez-Guerra LS, Holmberg AR
Butea Superba can be obtained online at http://www.healthyed.co.uk The Butea in HealthyhED pills is supplied direct from Thailand where it is grown and distributed under government control. This regulation ensures a high potency and guarantees the maintenance of an international standard.
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» RE: Impotence solution for both Women & Men
Posted by: wwittman
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Posted by: Phe on Sep 24, 2009 11:20 AM
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Posted by: Cybershaman on Sep 24, 2009 11:35 AM
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Posted by: bleuschat on Sep 24, 2009 4:38 PM
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But I must agree with the above poster who recommended seeking care from an "alternative" provider. I did the quotes around alternative because in our state, naturopaths are licensed and have just as many, if not more, years of formal education than western MD's. For instance, one of my ND's has a PhD in Biology, in addition to her years of experience (and accute intuition). She and her fellow doctors have worked with some serious illnesses with amazing results. ND's look at your whole body and seek the key to the solution, not just drug the symptoms. Your husband may have some blockage or nutritional issue that could be addressed and corrected. If he has high blood pressure, an ND can help to get it back down to normal without dangerous medications with scary side-effects.
And for women, a good ND can do a hormone panel, a test to see how your hormones function throughout the month. Once again, instead of pills that later are found to cause cancer ("Ooops- sorry about that, girls! But thanks for all your money."), safe bio-identical hormones can be prescribed, hormones that don't come from pregnant mares, which don't match up to human DNA anyway. I have been on natural progest oil for 6 years now, and I love how it has helped me and how I am able to control the dosage. So many women don't realize that their lack of sexual drive is a hormonal imbalance; instead, the pharmo freaks are trying to make more billions by prescribing female Viagra, which they don't need and doesn't work. Bio-identical hormones can also help you slide through menopause, or stop women who start menopause too early. (It's not good to start in your 30's, so be careful when your OB-GYN suggests drugs that put you into early menopause, like one of mine did. Former OB-GYN, I should say.)
Once again, thank you for a great and informative read. I'm going to massage my husband's feet tonight, just for starters!
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Posted by: snideelf on Sep 24, 2009 5:04 PM
Current rating: 1 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Viagra can be dangerous if you do not know that you have a weak heart.
Impotence is probably brought on by all of the high-fat foods we've been eating since we were young.
Also, I understand that maybe some really good ginseng can help.
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Posted by: Michael Horan on Sep 24, 2009 7:05 PM
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The stuff has been used in ayurvedic therapy for millenia, and while it's used as an overall tonic, taking several capsules a few hours before sex has had beneficial results in every respect.
It certainly won't hurt you in any way, might be worth a try.
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Posted by: 0d1um on Sep 26, 2009 12:43 AM
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The dominant sexuality of times past and present have been misogynistic and loathsome. This is a way out.
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Posted by: DougWilson on Sep 27, 2009 5:20 PM
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Posted by: kittybud420 on Sep 27, 2009 6:03 PM
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Lesbians don't have penises, and not all of us enjoy the use of dildoes in our sex play. However, I'd be willing to bet that with two hands and an eager mouth most women could achieve sexual satisfaction.
As for the men who have the "not ready for prime time" blues, let's hope your partner also has two practiced hands and a mouth that isn't afraid to make love to your penis orally.
Here's a few tips from a lesbian who has never failed to satisfy her partner.
Be patient. Take time to talk, caress, laugh, look and truly enjoy your intimate time.
Release inhibitions. Make your time together totally free form and private. Leave sexual hang ups of the past in the past and search for new ways of loving and relating to your partner.
Incorporate music, lighting, massage, food, set and setting into your sex play. Boredom is death. Make it interesting and a little different every time.
In closing I have one question I hope somebody can answer. What does sitting in two bathtubs, side by side outside have to do with intimacy? I'm just not getting that one!
Happy Second Cumming- and third, and fourth etc.
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» RE: the 2 tubs
Posted by: free2disagree
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Posted by: Carts on Sep 28, 2009 12:22 AM
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Posted by: rrrbert on Oct 20, 2009 7:42 PM
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Over Active Bladder
Loss of Bladder Control
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