Porn, Glenn Beck and Nudie Pics: Is Our Mass Culture Turning Kids Into Sex Crazed, Right-Wing Automatons?

This article was reprinted from The Faster Times. Faster. Smarter. Funnier: Go to TheFasterTimes.com for the latest in News, Politics, Science, Arts, Health, Nonsense, and everything else.

Following in the footsteps of fellow zygote-ian twits Vanessa Hudgens and Rihanna, the most recent set of nudie pics leaked to the internets belong to tadpole Ashley Greene of “Twilight" fame.

Apparently she’s someone I should be aware of. I’ve actually never seen “Twilight," but soon after ogling Greene’s nubile young body I frantically placed it at the top of my Netflix Queue. I admit I felt a bit grubby slobbering over the photos, but what the hell, I’m no monument to morality! Besides, is it my fault that she was careless enough to let her private intimate bits turn into public internet hits?

I dare say not.

The thing that I always wonder whenever I hear about one of these types of leaks is who and/or what these photos were initially intended for. Was it simply a bit of naughtiness shared between two willing and consenting perverts, or were these young ladies merely conscientiously screening for moles with irregular borders? Unfortunately for them, whatever the impetus might have been, these once personal images have now become onanistic fodder for the masses. Across the land and behind closed doors, a generation of boys is bathed in the glow of a million smudgy monitors, singlehandedly keeping Kleenex afloat.

It’s a shaved new world, I tell you. Ever since Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan started stepping out of cars, flaunting one’s nether regions has become a national syndrome. Young girls everywhere have now incorporated this type of behavior as a basic part of how they relate to the outside world. Take a look at a typical Facebook or Myspace profile, and the evidence is clear. All you see are scantily clad young things twisting their coltish bodies into the most provocative of poses just as naturally as if they were taking a school picture. Interestingly, this syndrome isn’t simply relegated to the fairer sex, young boys have gotten in on the action as well, promenading their shirtless torsos about like a veritable Marky Mark army.

What might the future hold for the young men and women of tomorrow? Will this photographic experimentation be empowering, or will it only further promulgate our culture of objectification? Perhaps the answer is more ambiguous.

After years of growing up positively bombarded with mega-doses of hyper sexualized imagery we may be starting to see its ultimate effects. Incredibly, many of us still don’t want to acknowledge the power of media and the major role it plays in our formative years - its influence, however, is undeniable. My generation for instance, was over exposed to an abundance of Brady Bunch and MASH re-runs, Love Boat antics, and those horribly preachy ‘After School Specials’ which successfully instilled in all our brains that if one were to ever get the opportunity to have sex, most likely something HORRIBLE would happen, usually involving herpes, AIDS, pregnancy, or getting a likable football coach fired from his job for inappropriate touching. This subsequently turned me into a wise-cracking, hypochondriacal paranoid with a penchant for polyester, and an irrational fear of Gavin McCleod.

The new generation is a different breed altogether.

Kids today are being made to process an insane amount of sex, violence and stupidity in the form of reality TV, internet porn, and World Of Warcraft. In addition they’ve got all the Limbaughs, Hannitys and Becks aggressively spouting their righteous faux morality across the nation’s airwaves. This strange dichotomy must be far more stressful to try and make sense of, than what previous generations have had to contend with. It can only stand to reason that what might be waiting for us at the finish line could be a pretty mixed up bunch of sick puppies. In fact, if one were to crunch the numbers and extrapolate to an inevitable conclusion, it’s easy to envision a future society run by a lot of emotionally deadened, carnally motivated, morally neurotic, absurdly hypocritical right wing automatons.