Home
Archive
Newsletters
Video
Blogs
Discuss
About
Search
Donate
Advertise

Sex and Relationships

Why Is the Frat Boy Culture So Sleazy and Sex-Crazed?

By Nicholas L. Syrett, National Sexuality Resource Center. Posted June 4, 2009.


Frat houses are a haven for a masculinity that takes sexual conquest as one of its defining characteristics. But frats have not always been this way.
Advertisement
Upcoming AlterNet stories on Digg

In the late 1980s the Florida News Herald reported that a Florida State University student had been gang raped by some fraternity brothers. Allegedly, the attackers painted the Greek letters of their house on her thighs, symbolically claiming her as they had also claimed her through sexual assault.

In 2001 Dartmouth College's campus newspaper, The Dartmouth, published graphic excerpts from Zeta Psi’s weekly newsletters in which brothers described their sexual encounters:

"She’s baaaaackk. And she’s dirtier than ever[;] if young [female name] hooks up with one more Zete, I’m going to need a flow chart to keep up.”

"Commenting on [Brother B]’s chances for a highly-coveted spot in the Manwhore Hall of Shame, [Brother C] said, ‘Are you kidding me? Rancid snatch like that makes you a fucking lock.’”

"Next week: [Brother X]’s patented date rape techniques!”

These two examples -- a gang rape fraught with symbolism and the misogynist publication describing sexual exploits -- are clearly extreme, but both of them are the logical outcome of a culture of masculine supremacy and sexual exploitation that has made its home in some college fraternities since the 1920s. While most do not participate in such acts, there is ample evidence to show that many, if not most, fraternity members are expected to report on sex they have for the entertainment of their entire house. College fraternities -- currently numbering three hundred fifty thousand undergraduate brothers with more than four million alumni -- have become a haven for a masculinity that takes sexual conquest as one of its defining characteristics. Indeed, the social science literature of the past three decades has shown that fraternity men are more likely than their nonaffiliated classmates to rape women, and some studies have estimated that as many as 70 to 90 percent of reported campus gang rapes are committed by members of fraternities. This makes fraternities a dangerous place for the women who frequent their houses and attend their parties. In their sexist logic -- and in their own words -- "Brothers Over Babes" or "Bros Before Hos."

But fraternities and the men who join them have not always behaved this way. So where did the culture of sexual exploitation and masculine bragging come from? Clearly, the men’s behavior is a product of time, place, and cultural circumstance, not simply an instance of "boys will be boys." Nor is the behavior a natural outcome of all-male organizations, as even fraternities themselves have not always behaved this way.

Dating, 'Homosexuality,' and Frat Culture

In the early twentieth century two phenomena that we now take to be commonplace were invented. The first was dating and the second was homosexuality as a discrete identity category. Both have impacted fraternity culture. Dating arrived on college campuses in the 1920s. Fraternities, established a century earlier in the 1820s, and sororities, which had been founded on some college campuses by the 1870s, were the hubs of the collegiate dating scene. With rare exceptions fraternity men and sorority women dated each other in an exacting scale that was governed by each organization’s popularity. The reputations of the individual brothers and sisters and thus of their collective memberships were in part determined by whom they dated. Fraternity members were judged by their attractiveness, their charm, and by what they called "their line," the verbal method they used to make themselves appealing to young women. Popularity -- evaluated through dating women -- came to define a properly enacted collegiate masculinity. And fraternity men themselves knew this; they picked new members based on the perceived expectation of potential brothers to attract women. As Dartmouth’s Zeta Psi boasted in 1924, "Brother ‘Stan’ Lonsdale has improved the already magnificent reputation he had attained in past years as Lothario and Don Juan put together, and as representative in the chapter in all women’s colleges within a radius of several hundred miles."

This celebration of men’s attractiveness to women necessitated a concurrent demand that brothers themselves recognize what made a man attractive. They had to come to terms with themselves as men evaluating other men’s good looks.

In a world like that of the nineteenth century United States, where there was little recognition of a homosexual subculture and where most men could not conceive of a man whose sexual desires were centered exclusively on other men, this would not have been a problem. But by the 1920s fraternity men did not live in such a world. They still don’t. By the early twentieth century -- thanks to sexologists, Oscar Wilde, Sigmund Freud (and his popularizers), as well the very people who identified with the label "homosexual" or "invert" -- that some men were in fact attracted exclusively to other men was widely understood. It was also at this time that masculinity itself became yoked exclusively to heterosexuality in a decisive refutation of homosexuality.

Thus, at precisely the moment when fraternity men were becoming highly conscious of the characteristics that made males attractive to females, and were indeed evaluating their brothers based on these characteristics, they were simultaneously coming to terms with the possible meanings of these evaluations. They were also in the compromising position of being members of organizations that enrolled only single men, organizations that, through shared living, bathing, sleeping, and erotic hazing practices, fostered an atmosphere of camaraderie, intimacy, and loyalty that most found to be the fraternity’s biggest selling point.

They were caught between a rock and a hard place, even more so when some fraternities actually did turn out to be havens for homosexually inclined students, as my own research indicates, and as Dorothy Dunbar Bromley and Florence Haxton Britten found in their fascinating 1938 study, Youth and Sex. From the 1920s onwards fraternity men have responded to this dilemma with the enactment of particularly active dating and sexual lives designed to refute suspicions of homosexuality and to assert heterosexuality, and thus masculinity. These practices have only increased throughout the twentieth century, in part as a reaction to the intensified denigration of homosexuality at mid-century and as a result of the increasing sexual permissiveness of college women in the wake of the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

These were not conscious choices made by fraternity men, however. Rather, they were gradual changes over generations in response to cultural shifts like the advent of dating and the emergence of modern conceptions of homosexuality. It is also clear that these two phenomena are by no means exclusive to men in fraternities. That said, because fraternities remain organizations made up exclusively of single men, organizations that choose to haze their initiates in explicitly homoerotic ways and that foster an intimacy among men not common in society more generally, they compensate for what might be perceived by outsiders as either feminine or gay behavior by enacting a masculinity that takes aggressive heterosexuality as one of its constitutive elements. This often has adverse effects for the women with whom they interact.


Digg!    Share on facebook   submit to reddit    Bookmark on Delicious   Stumble This  

See more stories tagged with: sex, women, rape, men, dating, relationships, homosexuality, fraternities, sexual revolution, frat houses, frat guys, sexual conquest

Liked this story? Get top stories in your inbox each week from Sex and Relationships! Sign up now »


Advertisement
Advertisement

 

Comments Turn comments off sitewide Give us feedback »
Comments closed.
The comments for this story have been closed. Thank you to everyone who participated.
View:
This is what you get for making masculinity taboo.
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist VI on Jun 4, 2009 12:53 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This is the inverse of the sensitive, well dressed, crying, man who’s only goal in life is to sate a women’s needs.

I was born in 1982. My generation was the first to widely grow up in single mother households. Boys were thought that men were, at best, a monthly check. I grew up watching “Married With Children, “Home Improvement” and various other misandristic garbage that showed men as bumbling idiots that needed their wives to come along and save the day.

Since you’ve castrated their fathers, men now turn to caricatures of masculinity for a role model. That is why so many young men emulate these thug rappers, sports players, and Frat boy types.

Some women also fall into this category. Since they can’t find a normal, non-feminized man they seek out the same types of men that young men are trying to emulate. Just ask Rihanna.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» See "true enough" below Posted by: adempatriot
Frats
Posted by: kepstein7777 on Jun 4, 2009 3:08 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Rape is one thing, of course. But the rest of the girls show up on their own. So why is this labeled a men's problem?

Once you acknowledge--as the article does at some point--that the great majority of frat activities are voluntary on the part of both male and female participants, then all you're really doing is condemning orgiastic behavior.

If you really want to kill off the frat houses, and feel that they're bad for women, why not convince the women to boycott all frats and frat members?

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Frats Posted by: mkruege
» RE: Frats Posted by: hms2004
» RE: Frats Posted by: sureshot45
Its the Fathers of these kids
Posted by: weathered on Jun 4, 2009 3:19 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
who should be held in partial contempt and a MSM that affixes 'smarmy bitch' to women and porno that reinforces disrespect.
Schools that permit it and alcohol that fuels it.

What we're seeing is the fallout of divorce, kids seeking approval/validation from the wrong things. Paris Hilton is a train wreck that MSM fashions into a parade, because Este Lauder foots the bill.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

never greek
Posted by: sureshot45 on Jun 4, 2009 4:40 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I get that many young adults in college need a sense of belonging, want automatic friends and a social life, or sometimes join b/c their parents joined a fraternity or sorority. The fact is that these organizations often times help students keep their grades up, take on community projects, be active students on their campuses etc.

I get all that...but have never gotten the true appeal. You spend all this money and time belonging to this sort of made up group of people. Like, years ago it was decided that YZX Fraternity is the good looking, business savvy white men, and ABC fraternity is the athletically included latino group, and the really smart guys always join 123 Fraternity. It just seems so strange. To limit your social options, conform to fit this idea of what your fraternity represents, let go of individuality and work towards the greater good of your frathouse. (which often times does mean date raping as many virgins as possible)

Most down to earth, level headed females that I know would not go near any greek students. We did not want to risk the GHB in our drink, the date rape, the discussion with all brothers of what the sex was like, and on a less serious note..date a robot who preferred the company of 150 rowdy sweaty similar men to females.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: never greek Posted by: abbadon2007
Bob Pomeroy
Posted by: BPomeroy on Jun 4, 2009 5:26 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The frats are closed societies populated by the scions of the well to do, and all that other stuff. Being translated, that means they are largely Republicans. The problems they face are typical of Republicans in general. They are are shallowly focused on appearance and acknowledge that it's a sham. The talk they espouse about the decline of morality in America is what they recognize about themselves and wish to impose that on others.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Bob Pomeroy Posted by: hms2004
Why Is the Sorority Culture So Sleazy and Sex-Crazed?
Posted by: Quist on Jun 4, 2009 5:47 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I just love these one-sided articles that AlterNet tends to post consistently.

This culture that the author speaks of is pervasive within much of our lives...not just in frats. This sensationalized tripe does not get to the heart of the problem. The answers to the problem lies within human psychology, sociology, culture, nature and nurture, education, and indoctrination. As long as people keep trying to point at the symptoms as the major problem, they will never find the truth or the solution. It is also not very logical or rational to examine these problems through biased, prejudice, and/or hypocritical lenses.

As far as "frat boy culture" is concerned, it is the same old indoctrinate group think that we see in so much of our lives, including sororities...along with much of traditional education, organized sports, cults, religions, clubs, political parties, nationalism, state marriage, ideologies, and so on.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Probably nothing bore the contempt of the men among who I was reared . . .
Posted by: Walks-in-Storms on Jun 4, 2009 6:21 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
than the strutting jackass wimp who saw sex as a war of conquest. Nothing was more certain to make one an outcast and the object of ridicule among his male peers.

It's important, however, to note how it came to be that today's "men" - as my grandfather would say, "He wouldn't make a pimple on a good man's ass" - have changed so.

And that brings us back again to that quote I use so often here - J.S. Mill, about a state that has dwarfed its men.

Look to yourselves and feminism, ladies - you wanted this wimp, you've got him.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» I know you love that quote Posted by: mjglow
» RE: I know you love that quote Posted by: Walks-in-Storms
Why? In one word...
Posted by: adempatriot on Jun 4, 2009 6:27 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Alcohol.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Why? In one word... Posted by: weathered
» RE: Why? In one word... Posted by: VZEQICVA
» RE: Why? In one word... Posted by: improperly_sedated
true enough
Posted by: adempatriot on Jun 4, 2009 6:41 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I know what you mean. In TV shows and commercials, the father is depicted as a big baby who basically can't even pick out soap. The mother holds the family, and world, together and the father is like an errant child who needs to be watched for his own safety.

I read somewhere that TV and TV commercials do this simply for marketing purposes, because women do to the majority of shopping for households. Makes sense.

So any commercial that shows the man as an idiot will tend to be popular with the wives, who shop, cook, wash the dishes and the laundry, and keep the house clean for the poor good-for-nothing incompetent infantile slug of a husband or dad.

"Everybody Loves Raymond" (which could be called "Everyone Dumps on Raymond") is one example. Or "King of Queeens".
But "Roseanne" isn't; Dan and Rosanne are equals.

Not all shows or commercials do this 'trash the dad' thing, but it is quite common.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: true enough Posted by: sureshot45
» RE: true enough Posted by: s_mead
» RE: true enough Posted by: hms2004
Asked for a comment about frat boys...
Posted by: wildbill on Jun 4, 2009 9:00 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...Captain Renault replied, "I'm shocked, shocked to find that young, single males are sleazy and sex-crazed!"

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

What a worthless article
Posted by: EncinoM on Jun 4, 2009 9:17 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Teh article is built on over generalizations and tabloid stories. There is little in the way of facts. It is clear that the author was never a brother or memeber of any all male organizations.

Without knowing what goes on behind the closed doors the Author guest and cherry picked the most sensational stories he could find.

This article belongs in STAR or some other supermarket trash rag.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: What a worthless article Posted by: hms2004
Frat boys and sorority brats simply have no impact on the world
Posted by: La Colombetta on Jun 4, 2009 9:16 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
They are generally spoiled rich brats, no? At least in this case, I think it's safe to make a generalization. When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with one? Exactly. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have avoided this huge problem by going to college in Scotland. I love you UK!

And not all fraternities are evil. Frat boys are anything but honorable. But I am glad there are groups of men such as the Freemasons out there, whose motto is 'Making good men better.' Frat boys do the opposite of course. They behave like arrogant little mamma's boys in college and then go forth to bring the corporate world down to the lowest lows we are seeing today. So I think it is actually a much bigger problem than the author is making it out to be. Aside from what they do or don't do with their women, they are taking away from society rather than contributing.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Bluto, the Poster Boy for Fraternities
Posted by: kettleblack on Jun 4, 2009 9:38 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Animal House was the exaggerated version of fart houses,
and Belushi's Bluto will live forever!

Just look at all the grads at Gitmo!

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Another one-sided expose'.
Posted by: countingdaisies on Jun 4, 2009 10:45 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Females should not be excused for their contribution to the ills of the spoiled and rich. Who is thrilled to be seen in a "Girls Gone Wild" video? The same young things that pretend to be goody-two-shoes, but end up missing in Aruba.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Frat boys are sleazy?
Posted by: hms2004 on Jun 4, 2009 2:12 PM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Here's what happens when you join a Fraternity:
- You get to go to the coolest parties;
- You meet guys who end up being lifelong friends;
- You meet/date some of the best looking women on campus;
- You go on road trips and party with brothers from other parts of the country;
- You compete in intramural sports with the other frats;
- You'll probably have to do some form of community service;
- You'll probably get drunk at a party;
- You'll surely end up doing something foolish;
- You'll definitely get laid.

Most people who hate on Frats and who go the extra mile to write articles like this one have either been rejected by the Frats or never been in one. Well, too bad dude, you missed out on great fun.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Frat boys are sleazy? Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: Frat boys are sleazy? Posted by: EncinoM
» RE: Frat boys are sleazy? Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: Frat boys are sleazy? Posted by: EncinoM
» Zappa said it all Posted by: EJW
» RE: Zappa said it all Posted by: EncinoM
» RE: Zappa said it all Posted by: EJW
This is why...
Posted by: bleuschat on Jun 4, 2009 2:46 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...I chose a college that didn't have a fraternity. Or a Sorority. Or a football team.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: This is why... Posted by: EncinoM
» What hilarious B.S.! Posted by: -matti
» RE: What hilarious B.S.! Posted by: EncinoM
» RE:Go Matti! Posted by: bleuschat
» RE: Go Matti! Posted by: EncinoM
Return the legal drinking age to 18, and watch this culture fade away.
Posted by: -matti on Jun 4, 2009 3:53 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Its all about the booze.

Well, not really, but the booze plays a key part.

Frats are one of the best ways to have parties with booze. The older brothers can legally buy it and they actually want to socialize with the brothers too young to do so. Plus the frat house is a private residence, so unless there is some overt legal problem, the authorities have to stay out.

Parties with booze are one of the best ways to meet/screw women. Girls want booze too. Plus, their older sisters -if they are in a sorority- already know the older frat guys, so they have an automatic "in" to any party.

Inside such a "hot house" environment of low-tolerance, inexperienced drinkers, revelers, and love-makers, excesses and bad things are bound to happen. When they do, and unless they are truly horrible, they don't become taboo or get condemned because of the upside to the whole game.

Dionysian revelries often ended in bloodshed, but folks kept coming back for more, didn't they?

Remove the "booze loophole" from frats and their status and influence will fade on campus and the excesses and degradations of their internal cultures will mellow.

This is about reason #33 or so for returning the legal alcohol-consumption age to 18, seems like.

-matti.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

How many of these rape accusations are false?
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist VI on Jun 4, 2009 6:17 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
25%!!!!

What happens when the snobby little white girl gets drunk and lets the basketball team run a train on her? What happens when the black single mom sees a couple of rich white kids as easy targets? They falsely accuse them of rape.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,194032,00.html

http://falserapesociety.blogspot.com/2008 /12/beware-of-feminists-bearing-statistics.html

http://fathersforlife.org/fv/fbi_rape_stats.htm

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» So that means that 75% are true!!!!!!! Posted by: magiquarian1969
Glad to see . . .
Posted by: yesman on Jun 4, 2009 10:47 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
. . . this article. Very perceptive analysis. This pathological version of masculinity is not restricted to frats, however. "Being a man" now apparently means being a filthy, slovenly, ignorant dumb-ass. The main culprit in this progressive demeaning of manhood is rightly identified by the author as homophobia. Men are now afraid of intimacy with other men because such a relationship might make them "gay." Close friendships between men are an endangered species. When men stop being afraid of homosexuality, they may again be able to have rich and varied relationships with each other without having to worry about whether they might be gay or not. Really, who cares? You should have the relationships with others which feel right, without worrying about which category to fit your relationship into. Forrtunately, extreme homophobia does seem to be on the wane among younger guys, but there's still a long way to go.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Glad to see . . . Posted by: mary-alias
» RE: Glad to see . . . Posted by: DaBear
Fraternal and Sororital bliss -people gone wild
Posted by: lorenzodimedici1 on Jun 5, 2009 6:40 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The backlash against males has been going on for a long time. That is a variation of how other aspects of the culture are being attacked. TV caricatures are only one aspect of the insidious assault. It took thousands of years to get here, so the passage through the post-industrial trough will be rough.

The newly aggrieved have taken their assertiveness training classes and have found that they can lash out in all manner of questionable ways because their targets won't dare reply or call them on their hateful behavior.

Witness how many groups demand their rights, at the expense of others, and without any sense of embarrassment when doing so. Welcome to paralysis by empowerment.

Now why do you think all of those girls attend the frat parties? Why don't you ask them what they hope to gain from that? Or is that a sensitive topic that will get politicized with questioners shouted down?

Some just want a good time drinking and dancing with their friends; others are trolling for Mr. Right so they can latch onto a wallet; and others meet like-minded people for potential espousal. The list is long.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

silence, lack of experimental safe space, abusing boys = disasters
Posted by: DaBear on Jun 5, 2009 11:04 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Abstinence only "sex" education, which fosters basically adults don't talk about sex and relationships to boys other than mechanistic rudiments, translates to a deafening silence to adolescent boys right when they need engagement by older men. (And yes, most of those older men don't exist because they are not healthy either).

Lack of safe experimental space for adolescent men and women to explore healthy relationships and sexuality promotes a stagnant, "delayed adolescence" which college's environment (separation from the sequestering parents and silent "don't talk about sex at all" school systems) triggers an explosion of puerile mal-expression of a "fill-in the gap" masquerade posing as fraternal "masculinity" (because every single adult failed those adolescent boys for the past 4-6 years of their lives--you don't get to blame kids for fucking up royally after you've intentionally neglected and shat upon them most of their lives). There's something to be said for older women sexually bringing young men along (societies that do this have less problems with rape--go read up on that).

The systemic misframing of males as "bad" "pornographic" "criminal" "hypersexed" "homophobic" and the laundry list of other ills Amerikaaner cult-ure hurls and heaps upon adolescent males (over the last decade, it's been levied at younger boys too) takes it's toll on the neglected male psyche. Chauvanists blame feminists. Idiots. Feminism is a poor substitute for male identity but in the context of a larger whole is critical to help shape healthy men (so as to not perpetuate the male essentialist base that feeds chauvanism that ultimate necessitates feminism in the first place).

This is a male issue. Men have to fix it. Chauvanism and blaming feminism isn't going to cut it. That's blaming, not solutionizing. Male bonding that's rooted in exclusively obsessing about the "difference-from Other" will never be part of the male solution either. Balance. It's ALL about balance. If men can get a grip and do that together, I can guarantee feminism will help assess our progress down the road (and that may require considerable male restraint to tune out the roaring and railing about our historical shitstorm against women so we can get hold of ourselves and figure this balancing shit out).

The author made some brilliant points but it's still just a starting point. I'm raising a son. It's hell. I'm raising a daughter. It's hell. The trainwreck of 'Merkaaner Empire makes it hell because there's no concept of balance, there's only all-or-nothing thinking posing as balance. There's only a cultural war against children by the agents of Empire. There's only a puritanical extremism and shock-response to sex, ALL sex, healthy and unhealthy alike as if they were the same thing. There is only the criminalization of normative human development and a shocking expectation that kids are miniature adults. There is only deprivation and neglect of kids, adolescence and youth. That is what makes raising male and female kids hell. The kids themselves are fine. They're just doing what they can to get through the shitstorm the Empire and its cults throw at them.

How can adults who get the notion of balance and the distinction from Empire forge and oasis for kids to grow up sane? How can adult males learn to heal themselves so they can elder balance in boys, adolescent men and younger men? How can women partner with men, feel safe and whole about it, and learn to let go of defining masculinity, even if that means men turn out different than they think we need to be to forge a cooperative balanced future together as equals engaged in mindful partnerships?

I think it can be done. I think someday even a fraternity can become a different kind of place. But not now. Not while Empire and its craptasm pose as the final arbiters of gender construction.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

Well done
Posted by: iluvtnp on Jun 8, 2009 6:50 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The author makes a solid argument, building a good case that's supported by quoted resources (which seems to have gone unnoticed by other respondents here). There's a lot of good writing on Alternet; this is one of the tightest articles I've seen of late. Thanks.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Well done Posted by: Catherine42
  • AlterNetYour turn

Support AlterNet
Do you value the information you're getting from AlterNet? Please show your support with a tax-deductible donation.


Feedback
Tell us how we're doing.

Advertisement
Advertisement