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Sex and Relationships

Why Everyone Loves Hot, Smart Older Women

By Vanessa Richmond, The Tyee. Posted October 10, 2008.


The word "desperation" has disappeared from the definition of "cougar"; words like smart, successful and funny have taken its place.
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Leopard-print spandex, Lee press-on nails and orangey-foundation used to be the signs of a cougar sighting: a single, man-hungry, 30-something woman. Oh, the good old '80s.

But that's not what a cougar is anymore. In the current pop culture vernacular, "cougar" simply means a sexy woman over the age of 35. The word "desperation" seems to have disappeared from its definition; words like smart, successful and funny have often taken its place. It no longer even necessarily means single -- just hot and older.

There are a few more pejorative cultural examples, like in this season's Gossip Girl: a step-mom who sleeps with two male high schoolers in an attempt to enjoy the last dregs of her prime before the plastic surgery starts.

But the list of good "cougs" is long and growing: Tina Fey, Carla Bruni, Halle Berry, Rachel Griffiths, Kylie Minogue and even Helen Mirren, and of course the '90s supermodels who are "back": Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington and the rest of George Michael's "Freedom" video cast. More Emmy statues went to "older" women than ever before and the language used to talk about their wins wasn't about how they manage to do so much and still get dinner on the table.

"Forty-year-old women look very good these days," remarked my mom this summer.

Well, Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson ...

Mrs. Robinson is no longer the prototype of the cougar, partly because in today's world, a woman her age is almost as likely to be the mother of a newborn baby as a teenager, and more likely to have a busy career than enough free time to have a romp around with teenage boys in the afternoon.

It could be my own bias inventing all of this (and my mom's), but it's refreshing, in my world, that women of a certain age are no longer called that. That audiences, watching last week's vice-presidential debate, were just as likely to find the female candidate "hot," as the male one. That some women are joining the ranks of George Clooney, Bill Clinton, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher and, yes, Joe Biden as icons with both sex appeal and power.

Palin: Not a Sign of Progress

When it comes to U.S. politics, though, women who swoon for Say-It-Ain't-So Joe still invariably do so out of the euphoria of "watching a man with real command of facts, details and history," while admiring his physical virility -- an intoxicating mix. But though I rarely hear mention of Sarah Palin without some reference to her "hotness" -- as my friend said yesterday -- Palin is only there because she's pretty. It looks like politics still hasn't outgrown the style-versus-substance divide.

The scores of feminist pundits reminding readers and viewers to separate Palin's policies from her pageant past, and her qualifications from her lipstick jokes, have a tough job -- because there is almost nothing of the former. Still, until now, in politics, it's been almost mandatory to be anti-sexy to be taken seriously: Madeleine Albright and Margaret Thatcher are just two examples. So it seems like progress that an attractive woman is running for a top position. Except she's just jumped to the other side of the dichotomy, proving it's still either sexy and vacuous, or dragony and smart for women.


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So...
Posted by: bornxeyed on Oct 11, 2008 1:16 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...where might we find these hot, smart older women.

I'm 50 and all the women my age seem to look like my mother did at 50.

Believe me, she was older then, might have been smart, but hot - um, not on your life.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: So... Posted by: Ruby08
» RE: So... Posted by: jackyD
» RE: So... Posted by: Genevieve
» RE: So... Posted by: bornxeyed
» RE: So... Posted by: Libsrule
Marg Helgenberger
Posted by: kepstein7777 on Oct 11, 2008 2:44 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Marg Helgenberger as Catherine Willows on CSI.

My dream episode would be where she goes to CSI: Miami, grabs those friggin' sunglasses away from David Caruso, and smashes them to bits with her heels.

[« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

» RE: Marg Helgenberger Posted by: bornxeyed
» RE: Marg Helgenberger Posted by: bornxeyed
» Frances Sternhagen (nt) Posted by: brunowe
» RE: Marg Helgenberger Posted by: badkitty68
When I was 21,
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist on Oct 11, 2008 3:36 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I was at a college night club. After about my 10th drink, a woman came up and started to dance with me. Before we went back to my place, she told me she was 42. I lied and claimed to be 27. Now I believe that woman’s ages equal a man's age x 1.15. The next morning I played Tetris on my phone while pretending to take down her number. After I walked the four miles to pick up my car, I got in the shower and scrubbed my self like a rape victim.

I only tell this story for the shock value. Now at 26, I refuse to even look at women that are over 23. There is nothing that compares to a firm ass, and perky breasts. If men my age want the easy sex offered by “Cougars”, so be it. That is absolutely not my style. It amuses me to think if the genders where reversed, people would be clamoring how the poor little girl was taking advantage of by the perverted old man.

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» RE: When I was 21, Posted by: mainspark
» RE: When I was 21, Posted by: bornxeyed
» RE: When I was 21, Posted by: Von
» Spoken like a real kid... Posted by: Pirate1
» Spoken like a true coward behind a key board. Posted by: Honky the Nihilist
» hot over 23 Posted by: camanokat
» Please... Posted by: Blondinista
» Latent much? Posted by: terradea42
Try working the same amount of hours as a man if you want the same pay.
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist on Oct 11, 2008 3:40 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
1978, full-time women workers earned just 61 per cent of what full-time men did, but 79 per cent now.

When you do not work over time, weekends or business trips, when you have to leave early to go to little league and girl scouts, you do not deserve to make the same amount of money as a money that chains himself to his desks.

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» Honkey, I remember you .... Posted by: stellabloo
Nice try...
Posted by: realist on Oct 11, 2008 5:08 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I absolutely adore hot older women like Sela
Ward and Diane Lane, but they are not "cougars."

The word has not been redefined. Inherent in the definition of "cougar" is the animal's status as a predator.

A hot, older woman who is not a predator is a MILF or a GMILF.

Ask any 18-year-old man about this. If you're an older woman and they tell you different, they're trying to be polite.

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» RE: Nice try... Posted by: Knowmad
» RE: Nice try... Posted by: badkitty68
» RE: Nice try... Posted by: Grinty
» RE: Nice try... Posted by: badkitty68
» RE: Nice try... Posted by: phatkhat
» context! Posted by: Genevieve
» RE: context! Posted by: bornxeyed
» RE: context! Posted by: DaBear
» RE: Nice try... Posted by: rickiey
» RE: Nice try... Posted by: DaBear
not all women who earn less have family obligations
Posted by: mcubed on Oct 11, 2008 5:24 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
um, I'm still single and childless, and in a previous job (where I was also single and childless) I worked the overtime and weekends you mention.

I was employed as a temp for 5 years in a fortune 500 company, in the same role as several men in my workgroup but with a lower ranking title. I worked longer hours than them, was paid less, and was not promoted (let alone given health benefits like they were). I feel fortunate now to work for a company where I am compensated fairly for my efforts, because I know from several previous jobs that this is not the norm.

Michele

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» Sue them to hell. Posted by: Honky the Nihilist
» RE: Sue them to hell. Posted by: phatkhat
» Sue them to hell. Posted by: Honky the Nihilist
The Life Cycle of the American Women
Posted by: Honky the Nihilist on Oct 11, 2008 6:44 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
From what I have seen feminine beauty has a half life of about 3.5 years.

Right about the time girls are going to college, they are at the peak of their ascetic cycle. By the time the reach about 22, they are a little jaded but still some what hopeful. By 26, they are willing to selflessly drop out of the nitty gritty to squeeze out some children while tape worming off of some stupid shmuck that they call hubby for six years.

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» RE: Honkey the Misogynistic Troll Posted by: stellabloo
» Yo, dude! Posted by: bornxeyed
» X-Man, I'd..... Posted by: morticia
» RE: X-Man, I'd..... Posted by: bornxeyed
» Speaking as a male Posted by: rickiey
» Ascetic? Posted by: Blondinista
» RE: Ascetic? Posted by: phatkhat
» Von has a point Posted by: rickiey
» Honk this Posted by: Genevieve
» go for it ;) Posted by: hurricane hugo
» RE: Honk this Posted by: DaBear
» Idiot Bozo... Posted by: Pirate1
Smashing the Barriers of Limiting Belief
Posted by: stellabloo on Oct 11, 2008 7:53 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I have taken a perverse delight in smashing every stereotype that has ever been attached to me and I encourage every other woman to do the same. It's very liberating.

If you met me, you would probably guess *wrongly* that I was in my mid-30's, that those were maybe my little blonde-haired nieces, that I have some kind of artsy-fartsy job and that I am just a naturally athletic and outgoing regular gal.

Word up:

Pot is better than botox for removing frown lines.

In fact almost all "beauty" products are toxic crap that will either damage your skin/hair or give you cancer or both.

Fresh air does wonders everytime.

Alcohol is the #1 date-rape drug (do you really want to be at the mercy of assholes like honky here), not to mention that it is INCREDIBLY aging. And it does kills brain cells, which you might want to save for the "intelligent" part of "intelligent and sexy".

Speaking of intelligence, it is passed through the X chromosome, meaning boys get their intelligence through their mother (I am not making this up) and girls have an equal chance of inheriting from either parent. So unless you plan to marry for money, don't feel obliged to marry the nerd when you could have a studly trophy husband.

Religion is the #1 tool of the male oppressor. All our lives we have been trained to look to the male authority on spiritual matters, even if it is the man in the white coat telling us that all is reducible to science. Firstly, the fact that the universe works according to physical laws means nothing. It doesn't explain how the universe got here to begin with and we are still confused about the exact nature of matter; physics is becoming more mystical by the day. Secondly, the intuitive, life-giving part of the woman is the true manifestation of Spirit in this physical reality; religion seeks to repress the Inner, Ultimate Authority within us in favour of an external male authority who tells us what is or is not acceptable.

In all misogynistic cultures, including ours, women are taught to be subservient. We depend on our appearance, on MEN, for approval. Outspoken women are criticized. Palin is an exception to this because she is such an obvious parrot, she does not pose a "threat" in the traditional misogynistic sense.

Wouldn't it be lovely if all women just woke up tomorrow thinking for themselves?

Best wishes for your journey ;.)

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» Well said, Sister... Posted by: Pirate1
So when did "over 35" become "OLD?"
Posted by: Blondinista on Oct 11, 2008 8:54 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
OR is over 35 just "old" when you're female? Can we finally dispense with these odious, sexist double standards?

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» REALLY! Posted by: Pirate1
» RE: ALLY! Posted by: bornxeyed
» Never trust anyone over 30 Posted by: suprmark
» Re:Never trust anyone over 30 Posted by: bornxeyed
Alternet publishes yet another fluff piece
Posted by: phatkhat on Oct 11, 2008 9:31 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I am tired of looking at the world through the lens of barely post-pubescent male eyes.

Older? What is older? Certainly at 60, I do not view 35 as "older". "Hot"??? Who cares? If women would quit, as another poster said, worrying about looking good for the men they "have to" impress, they would be able to do a lot more good. Not to mention saving a ton of money.

Not saying to abandon health and hygiene, but to abandon the artificial standards of beauty set forth by the media and beauty industry.

You know what beauty is? It is self confidence and joy. If all a guy is looking for is tight buns and perky boobs, then HE has the problem, not the women he "rejects".

But I see most of the initial comments were from men talking about "hot" women. Sheesh.

I don't advocate for either gender being slobs, but women should not be held to a higher standard in the looks department than men. Some have good genes, some don't, most cannot afford the plastic surgery that keeps the stars looking young (not to mention the risks). Maybe someday we will really learn not to judge books by the covers. (I hope.)

Oh, and to that 26-yo troll: Some of the women you reject may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but they may have really beautiful personas. You, my friend, have a very ugly soul, and that is much, much worse. You are going to have a very shallow and unhappy life if you don't learn to look deeper than the skin. You, too, will get older. ;-)

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» I would never go near a stripper, Posted by: Honky the Nihilist
» THANK YOU ! Posted by: maxpayne
» In my defense Posted by: bornxeyed
Palin "hot"?
Posted by: NoMcCainPalin on Oct 11, 2008 9:47 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
No more than Eva Braun.

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» RE: Palin "hot"? Posted by: Blondinista
» RE: Palin "hot"? Posted by: ranchero42
I bring you my love.
Posted by: Sinibaldi on Oct 11, 2008 12:10 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Every moment
I try to remember
the light af
an hidden report,
when my memory
outshines, when
your love disappears....

Francesco Sinibaldi

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Too bad older men who groom their bodies and dress like women are persecuted as "gay" !
Posted by: maxpayne on Oct 11, 2008 12:17 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And that comes from both men and women who are intolerant. I'm sick and tired of women being made the sex role models whereas men are supposed to be macho sports models. It's a disgrace and it really damages both sexes in the long run both mentally and even health wise. Trust me, I grew up a teenager in the 1980s and an adolescent in the 1990s to understand what this other side of the gender divide was all about. I remember the days I faced persecution when I was one of the guys who didn't stick to being macho and moderated even a bit.

Sadly, men are supposed to get more money but less fashion freedom while women are supposed to earn less money but get more fashion freedom and yes, today women can wear just about anything men can wear including ties !

By the way, men used to be dressed like today's women in the Middle Ages, hint hint.

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» Actually it's worse than that Posted by: MartianBachelor
In Praise of Older Women
Posted by: Digital Gentleman on Oct 13, 2008 12:34 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I am a 54 year old man and I love women in my age corhort. I would NEVER dream of dating a twenty-something woman. The only thing a 25 year old can do for me, is to introduce me to her mom! I don't even consider dating women under 40. ( Ok, there have been a few 35-39, but I have regretted each one). Women 40+ are staying fit, less inclined to have neurotic body image issues, and frankly, when it comes to sex, they know what they are doing and know what they like. In my view, the hottest actresses in Hollywood today are all over 40 -- Diane Lane, Halle Berry, Helen Mirren, Tamara Tunie, Virginia Madsen, Meg Helgenberger, Monica Bellucci, Geena Davis, Catherine Bell, Cathereine Zeta-Jones and the list goes on and on.

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