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Why Make-Up and Breakup Sex Are So Good

In the wake of having had a bitter fight, why is everything forgotten for amazingly enjoyable sex?

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Emotions are very dynamic and contagious phenomena: they can easily spread from one person to another. Thus, when we see a sad person crying, many of us become sad as well. When someone loves us, we are more likely to love that person in return. And when we are aware of a sexually aroused person near us, we become horny as well.

The dynamic and instable  nature of emotions is reflected not merely in the easy transfer of emotions from one person to another person, but also in the transfer of an emotion within the same person. The love-hate situation is such a case. Intense love can become a fertile ground for the emergence of intense hate. The arousal transfer mechanism is involved in this case as well. The transfer is possible when a change occurs in the focus of attention under different circumstances. Thus, when the lover focuses his attention on his partner's  wisdom, he loves her dearly. When he thinks about the  humiliation she brings upon him, he hates her guts.

Breakup sex

Breakup sex ("one for the road") is the bittersweet, passionate sex you have with your partner shortly after, whilst, or shortly before breaking up with them ( Urban dictionary). Some people consider breakup sex is to be even better than makeup sex. The exciting nature of "goodbye bed" sex is due to its unique circumstances: this is the last chance to enjoy sex with each other. As  Ted Spiker said, "It's like the day before a  diet. Tomorrow I'll start, but today I'm going to enjoy one last order of chicken wings." The sex is especially great when the relationship was basically good but nonromantic reasons, such as different life plans, force the two to separate. Breakup sex involves the caring that remains despite the separation. As  Aradia describes her breakup sex, "We'd have one last hurrah and it was a damn great one! What a way to end the relationship! It actually really helped and it'll be a nice  memory down the line."

Due to its terminal nature, people feel no inhibitions or constraints in breakup sex and behave in however they wish, without worrying about the after-effect or the future. In this moving but sad experience, people usually do not speak of the bad times and what ruined the relationship; they are immersed in the exciting presence, knowing that no future remains. They often take the attitude of “Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.“ Nothing is meaningful except for the present sexual togetherness. In breakup sex, the excitement stems from experiencing a togetherness that is unconstrained by past and future circumstances. In makeup sex, the excitement stems from overcoming past difficulties and looking positively toward the future. The total lack of constraint is what makes breakup sex usually the more exciting of the two.

The risks of make-up and breakup sex

Make-up sex has its own risks, one of which is reinforcing fights, or at least not taking fights as seriously as they should be taken. This is particularly true when the fights are violent, as in the case of battered women. Often, immediately after  domestic violence, men force their wives to have make-up sex with them; it goes without saying how awful this makes the women feel. However, in other cases, when a certain time has passed since the violence occurred, make-up sex can make it easier for these women to return to their violent husbands as if nothing has happened.

Consider the true story  Tina Nash, a severely battered woman who stayed with her boyfriend despite his violent behavior. After a particular violent episode, she returned the next day to pick up her car from outside his apartment, and although he smashed her car up, she took him back. She writes: “We made passionate love that night. The make-up sex with him was 10 times more intense than I’d ever experienced before. He was slow and loving and looked at me like he wanted to own my soul.” A few months later, she lost her sight as a result of his violence.