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I'm a Male, 26-year-old Virgin Saving Myself for Marriage

And no, it's not for religious reasons.

Photo Credit: Strawberry Mood/



I’m a pretty typical 26-year-old male. I’ve been to more than 150 rock concerts. My father and I watched Tiger Woods win all 14 of his major championships. I have a few tattoos. Like most 20-somethings, I’m working on finding myself, whatever that means, and I’m swimming in student loan debt. But I am unique in one way, and it’s not my red hair.

I have never had sex.

It’s not because I haven’t had a girlfriend. All through high school I dated someone, or chased someone depending on whom you ask. For the past four years, I’ve been with the same girl, and we’re getting married in the summer of 2015. She’s a 24-year-old wedding photographer who’s also never had sex. It’s no wonder we found each other, right?

What might be even more surprising is that we aren’t abstaining because of religion, rebellion or any kooky anti-sex group. It’s actually a decision I made all by myself.

Maybe it started in my adolescent years, when friends would talk about women they’d had sex with as if it were a game. That made me feel uncomfortable. I was all for exploring my sexuality, but it seemed to me that people were too casual about it. This is the deed that creates life, after all, and I took it seriously. I knew, even then, that I only wanted to experience its joy and pleasure with one person, and not until we were ready.

When I got together with my fiancée, I knew she was a keeper. But we wanted to play it safe while we work on establishing ourselves as well as a photography business, which will hopefully provide a better life for future children. Yes, there are many forms of healthy protection, but none is greater than abstaining. In addition to being a full-time wedding photographer, my fiancée is also a kindergarten teacher, which is a form of birth control itself. Teachers know what I’m talking about.

Obviously my views on sex put me out of step with my time. Sex is a marketing tool for just about anything these days, and a common sentiment is that sex can be a deal-breaker in a relationship, meaning that a key factor in compatibility is two people sleeping together. I don’t see anything wrong with that line of thinking; I just don’t share it. All I’m asking is that people respect my side of the argument, too.

An important point I must bring up is that I want to have sex. I can’t wait to have sex. Frankly, my fiancée and I will have sex whenever we decide to — whether it’s before our wedding or not — and when that day comes we will deal with the ramifications, good and bad. But I don’t feel that there’s anything missing in my life right now for not having it. What I hate is the attitude that sex is everything, some all-powerful force that means the same to everyone, and that’s just not true. Sexologist Isadora Alman writes in Psychology Today, “So, how important is sex to a relationship? It absolutely depends on its importance to each of the people having the relationship.”

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