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The Golden Rule for Mistresses: Keep It Casual

One of the most appealing aspects of an affair is its casual nature. The subtext is not to fall in love.

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Here's the wisdom I can offer to mistresses out there: do not get too attached. I can't tell you how to gauge the exact point at which the intimacy in an affair becomes too intense to manage. At some point, though, the relationship runs the risk of no longer being casual and free. One of the parties might stop feeling casual about the affair. Emotions might run too deep. Demands might be placed on the lover or the mistress. Expectations might come up, as much for the lover as for the mistress, but typically the mistress suffers through this sort of permutation more brutally than the other party.

What I'm talking about here is the importance of self-preservation, as well as the preservation of the illicit quality that defines an affair when it begins. Dear mistresses, here is the golden rule: keep it casual. If you need to re-imagine new ways to keep your affair casual as the intimacy deepens, and if you want to keep this thing going, talk about it with your lover. Find ways to keep things adequately unattached. Stay free. Some might argue that it's the lover who holds all the power, and while there is some truth to this, a mistress possesses the unique ability to stay free. So don't give that up. Your freedom is yours and yours to keep if you want the affair to continue. And in order to keep going, your affair needs to hearken back, as often as possible, to the early stages when it was casual and free.

Repeat after me, ladies: casual and free.

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