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The Best of Vine Porn

It may be difficult to find adult material on the app, but it's there alright -- and some of it doesn't suck
 
 
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You guys are pervs — and I mean that in the most complimentary of ways. Thanks to you, my piece  “The best of Tumblr porn” has been sitting on Salon’s most-read list for more than two months. Well, guess what happens when you vote with your clicks like that? We metrics-obsessed content producers listen. The people demand more porn!

This time, I set out with a tougher challenge in mind: finding porn on Vine. That alone is difficult enough, thanks to the app’s efforts to rein in adult content to meet the puritanical standards of the iTunes App Store. Even more trying is attempting to find  good porn on Vine. Do you have any idea how many disembodied penises and context-free money shots I had to see to compile this list? It’s like they’ve assigned Anthony Weiner as creative director over there.

Luckily, there are a few exceptions. Depending on your perspective on commercial smut, it is either surprising or entirely expected that most of these come from inside the porn industry. Given Vine’s crackdown, many of these six-second videos feature only brief nudity and very little action (at the same time, it’s amazing that some of this stuff passes the censors). They’re imaginative and quirky, playful and downright weird. Is it just me or does that make them hotter?

1) #VeryShortFilmFest

Inspired by the censoring of Vine, the online magazine Animal New York threw a competition for the best NC-17 clip and conveniently collected the submissions under one tag: #veryshortfilmfest. It’s a motley bunch — there is a series of  moody naked close-ups, a woman  sexily eating a cookie, a collage of  overlaid orgy images in which the nudity is barely discernible (reminds me of trying to watch scrambled porn as a kid) and even one that amounts to a virtual  “Joy of Sex” flip-book. The winner of the contest: a person  in a lion costume masturbating while growling. You know, to each their own.

2) Jiz Lee

Gender queer porn star  Jiz Lee’s Vine feed is full of nudity-infused stop-go animation, behind-the-porn-scenes clips and Hitachi Magic Wand test videos. Sexiest of all:  six seconds of rumpled bed sheets accompanied by a woman’s moans.

3) Jessie Andrews

Jessie Andrews, who won the Best Actress award at last year’s Adult Video News Awards, shares  a lot of clips of random party scenes (she’s a DJ, after all) — but she does throw in the occasional behind-the-scenes clip, naked selfie and masturbation video. Plus, charmingly odd scenes like  this.

4) James Deen

Sure, the adult industry’s so-called  “boy next door” is over-hyped — especially now that he’s in a  “porn star power couple.” But the man is delightfully weird and a lover of social media, which is a potent combo when it comes to Vine. His feed has some oddities — for example, him  providing a voiceover for a pair of Pound Puppies stuffed animals — but every once in a while there’s something like  this super-NSFW clip, a sexy collage of moving images that demands to be un-muted. And lucky for you, it plays on repeat by default.

5) Conner Habib

When gay porn star Conner Habib isn’t performing, he can be found  tweeting up a storm, blogging about growing up gay in “small-town Pennsylvania” and posting  videos to Vine. There are jock straps, bare butts and games of naked Twister. Occasionally, he tosses in a behind-the-scenes clip or straight-up porn footage. My favorite, though, is captioned: “Four naked porn stars describe the movie Date Night.” Genius.

 
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