Sex & Relationships  
comments_image Comments

7 Weirdest Uses of Boobs, Ever

Tits for troops? Snuggling contraband? Here are some unorthodox ways the ever-popular breast has been used.
 
 
Share
 
 
 
 

Boobs are magical, as we’ve said before. Has there been a body part as celebrated, as fetishized, and as censored as the fatty lumps of tissue known as the human mammary? In addition to their life-sustaining functions (the World Health Organization calls breast milk the “perfect food”), research also shows that breast milk can shield babies from contracting HIV and inoculate against germs. Boobs have been the subject of thousands of art works, music and films, and that’s far from all. Breasts are a source of endless fascination, speculation, irritation, and, well, titillation. Below we’ve documented the strangest ways breasts have been used in recent history.

1. Contraband smuggling. Bisexual author Patricia Highsmith (of The Talented Mr. Ripley fame) was an eccentric woman, partly due to her affinity (some say obsession) with snails. She bred hundreds of them in her garden in England, wrote stories about them, and was even known to bring them to dinner parties as her “companions.”

But perhaps the strangest element of Highsmith’s favorite sexually ambiguous and slimy pet was that she used her boobs to smuggle snails onto trains when she was traveling in order to deceive inspectors, according to a biography by Andrew Wilson, Beautiful Shadow: A Life of Patricia Highsmith. Of course, boob smuggling is not exactly an uncommon pastime, and silicon implants have been used to hide contraband, as was illustrated by the 2012 cocaine implant bust. Other items that have been attempted-boob-smuggled include liquor, bars of gold, a cockatoo, a monkey, and 75 baby snakes. If you need more examples, we suggest clearing your calendar, because one Google search and you’ll be embroiled in a timesuck boob vortex few come back from.

2. Protesting open-carry gun laws. A group of women has taken to protesting a gun-rights group called Come and Take It Texas by taking matters into their own bras. They do so by following the group around topless during their monthly pro-gun walks. The counter-protesters, in addition to baring their breasts, carry signs saying things like, "You realize that everyone thinks you're overcompensating for your teeny tiny 'gun' right?" and "Boobs for peace." \\

This isn’t the first instance of a boobs-not-guns protest, as topless ladies were also documented protesting firearms at SXSW in Austin. Now that’s the kind of caliber we can get behind.

3. Protesting slut-shaming, prostitution and political corruption. Speaking of protests, gun rights is far from the only cause to have its day in the sun (topless). SlutWalk is a protest that started after a representative of the Toronto Police said that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized." The goal of SlutWalk is to raise awareness about sexual violence and the tendency to victim-blame based on what a woman is wearing. On such protest walks, women have been known to demonstrate by going topless and writing things such as "Consent Is Sexy" on their chests, and "I Am More Than These" with arrows pointing to their breasts.

There have also been topless protests associated with Russia’s Pussy Riot and the Ukrainian group Femens, which has bared breasts to stop everything from sex tourism to political corruption. "We are trying to give the breast, as a symbol, a different context," one of its members put it.

Honorable boob-protest mentions go to BoobQuake, which was started as a humorous way to protest the Iranian official who claimed female immodesty was the cause of earthquakes, and CodePink’s “naked truth” protest of BP and Halliburton.

4. Animal rights. And then there’s People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The animal-rights activist group is basically one continuous, outrageous PR stunt that almost always involves naked ladies. Some of their most ridiculous protests have involved trying to change the word “fish” to “sea kittens,” showcasing two naked women showering on the sidewalk to demonstrate how much water is wasted from beef production, handing comic books to children whose parents wear fur coats called "Your Mommy Kills Animals," and shrink-wrapping interns like flank steaks and letting them bake on an 80-degree sidewalk. We guess the ethical treatment of interns is too much of an ask.

 
See more stories tagged with: