7 Tips for Having a Great One-Night-Stand
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Conservative commentators and pearl clutchers have been wringing their hands for years over one-night stands (and hook up culture in general), claiming that casual sex devalues women and is effectively contributing to the downfall of society. Weirdly, murder, rape, never ending wars, pestilence, and crazed gunmen with histories of mental illness shooting school children all tied for second. One-night stands are hardly as dramatic as they are sometimes made out to be. In fact, a recent study showed that, of those who legitimately desire it, casual sex comes (forgive the pun) with many benefits, like higher self-esteem and life satisfaction, and less instances of depression and anxiety.
This isn’t to say that casual sex has no guiding principles or codes of conduct one should follow, but that, with a little communication and wherewithal, one-night stands will never ruin your life, or even your sheets. The following tips will ensure you have the best night possible, where you can look back with a devilish gleam in your eye and say, “That was fantastic. I hope we never see each other again!”
1. Check yourself (before you wreck yourself)
As Tom Hanks bemoaned in “A League of Their Own,” there’s no crying in baseball, and there should be none in a great one-night stand either. That is to say, check your emotions at the door, or dive bar bathroom stall or tool shed, depending on where you happen to be throwing down. Look upon the event as something primarily physical and short-lived, like a really spectacular sneeze. A sneeze does not expect dinner or want to meet your parents, and hence, your fling expectations should be similarly low. This doesn’t mean you get to behave like a douchecopter for a night, or that there are no consequences (sexual safety should always involve common sense and precaution). Checking one’s emotions simply means that you should be invested as little as possible. Sex does not have to mean something. It can, and it does, but a one-night stand’s primary concern is similar to that of a train, to get it on and get you off. If you’re unsure about a particular situation or person’s feelings, make sure to be clear and upfront about your intentions before anything goes down, or up, or sideways.
2. Use your mouth
Use your mouth… to communicate your needs and desires. Part of the joy of a one-night stand is that, since the stakes are low, you can be and do whatever you want (within reason). If you want to be tied up, spanked, and called Mrs. Doubtfire for one night, then by god, ask! Not everyone will be into doing the precise things you’re into, of course, but you have very little to lose with a one-night fling, since they won’t know it’s “out of character,” so you might as well indulge your wild side. On the reverse (cowgirl), you should also be open-minded when it comes to meeting your partner’s needs, too. Again, within reason. But if your partner suggests something you’ve never tried, but are amenable to, consider giving it a shot. It might just blow your mind (or load). Casual flings are perfect for getting a little dirtier and kinkier than you usually are.
3. Be unscripted
One-night stands often follow a pretty standard script, which is four shots, foreplay, floorplay, two minutes of oral, and p-in-the-v sex. If this is your cup of lube, then by all means, have at it, but most of us veer from this standard with people we know because what gets us off is entirely different from the common denominator. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner things that help you get off, whether that’s toys, dirty talk, watching porn, watching the Food Network, whatever. This is especially true for ladies, as we tend to neglect our desires in lieu of our partners’ desires, and because few women can orgasm from p-in-the-v sex alone.