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10 Most Absurd Things Conservatives Have Said About Sex Around Texas Abortion Battles

The battle over abortion in Texas shows yet again how nutty Republicans are when it comes to women, sex and reproduction.

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5) Sex education makes kids “hot and bothered,” thereby causing unintended pregnancy. Pro-choicers in Texas are sensibly pointing out that if anti-choicers hate abortion so much, they should adopt measures like comprehensive sex education to prevent unplanned pregnancies in the first place.  State representative Steve Toth (R) responded by claiming that sex education causes pregnancy by turning previously asexual teenagers into horndogs:

My wife worked at a home for unwed moms, and one of the little kids that was born, his name is David. David came about as a result of his mom and dad, who were just 16 at the time, going to a Planned Parenthood deal where they taught them how to use contraceptives. They were not sexually active at that point. They got into the car, and they were so hot and bothered from this deal, he couldn’t even get the condom on.

Presumably, Toth imagines that no one ever got pregnant during the 19th century, because the term “birth control” hadn’t even been invented yet to tempt otherwise disinterested people. How the human race survived is simply a mystery.

6) Women mutilating themselves in desperation with coathangers is hilarious. Fox News and former CNN commentator Erick Erickson celebrated the Texas Senate passing the abortion bill by tweeting, “Dear Liberals, go bookmark this site now:” and linking to a website that sells hangers. At least he admits that the regulations in Texas, which will only leave five clinics to tend to the  85,000 abortions a year that women have in the state, will drive women to seek black market or self-administered abortions, which are dangerous. He should inform the bill’s authors,  who swear up and down that it’s simply a health regulation meant to improve the quality of abortion care—though perhaps he thinks shoving a wire hanger up your uterus is top-notch reproductive healthcare.

When called out on it,  Erickson said, “I forget that feminists and other pro-abortion activists really are as humorless as they are stereotyped to be.” Nothing funnier than a perforated uterus, at least if you hate the person who had the nerve to think that she should choose when to have children and not some random misogynist on the Internet.

7) Women who have abortions are all being duped by evil men who are evil because sex. Frequent Fox News commenator Sandy Rios tried to explain how banning abortion is great for women (though she skipped the part about hilarious wire hangers sticking out of your cervix), because only men who are using women support legal abortion:

It is generally, from my opinion, the promiscuous white men who are pushing abortion. I would even say the promiscuous black ones like our president, oh forgive me I shouldn’t say that, but they’re the ones who want sexual license, they do not want responsibility; abortion has always helped men more than it helps women.

Men and women are roughly equal in terms of support for abortion rights as women: 81% of men and 78% of women support legal abortion in some to all circumstances.  Every year, about 1 in 50 American women of reproductive age has an abortion; Rios would have you believe they are all asexual dupes who were tricked by men—the only gender that likes sex—but hopefully the rest of the country is smart enough to see the flaw in that reasoning.

As for Obama’s alleged promiscuity, all I’m going to say is  the man wears mom jeans. The Lothario of D.C. he is not.

8) Pro-choicers have a secret agenda to overturn America and turn it into a communist nation. While interviewing Rick Santorum, Joe Pags—a guest host for Glenn Beck—claimed the 5,000 pro-choice protesters that flooded the Texas Capitol weren’t really there to support women.  Oh no, it was because they’re secret Marxists trying to incite revolution: “They’ve got a vast communist, socialist agenda; they’ve got a vast anti-freedom, anti-American agenda; they’ve got a vast anti-Christian, anti-Constitutional agenda.” How one is supposed to enact that anti-freedom agenda by pushing for women’s freedom or overturn capitalism through the magic power of deciding when and if to have children on your own was not explained.

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