What's So Great About Beauty?

I thought I had resigned myself to the relentless onslaught of porn infecting every aspect of life, from the skank-wear on the streets, to gratuitous nudity in advertising, to the sitcoms where gags about handcuffs, anal sex, and blow jobs make me want to, well, gag.

I used to think porn culture's driving ethos -- that women have no purpose but to titillate men -- would fade as the sexist old guys died out. In short, I was an optimist. Right until I was hit with Dove's cynical Campaign for Real Beauty and some American election commentary all in the same sick-making hour.

Dove is earning positive ink-and-air for its supposedly inclusive definition of beauty. The campaign features a parade of old, wrinkled, saggy women that Dove labels "beautiful." They even shoot them naked, a la Annie Leibovitz in Vanity Fair because apparently you're nobody until you're photographed in the buff.

Are they beautiful? Hell no. Not even with fab lighting, professional make-up, and talented photogs. They're average.

But that's not the issue. The question is why does Dove insist that every woman, of every age, in every walk of life, be beautiful? And that she should get naked in public to convince herself that she too is worthy of a meat flute solo?

Down side of lustworthy

Outside of the mating game, beauty is pretty much useless. It's sort of like being ambidextrous, it's a nice quality of have, but hardly essential. Unless a woman aspires to be a porn star, or any of its variations -- such as a Hollywood actress or a fashion model -- there's little value in lustworthy looks. Although there is a fair bit of grief. Ask the beauties: many will mutter about being asshole magnets. They'll tell tales of being hassled by men on the streets or on the job. The smart ones often play down their looks, noting that the wrong kind of attention isn't just irritating -- it's dangerous.

It's no wonder Dove is getting away with its latest consumer con. Since most Americans are ignorant of evolutionary biology, they have no understanding of what the word beauty means when applied to a woman rather than a Grecian urn. Not surprising really, given that 16 per cent of American high school science teachers are creationists who promote religious superstition in their classes and dismiss Darwin.

So here's a primer. While fashions in ideal weights and adornments change, all humans define beauty the same way: we admire physical qualities that suggest health, fertility, and the ability to survive. Smooth, clear skin, specific hip- or shoulder-to-waist ratios, balanced features and well-proportioned bodies all register on the subconscious of both sexes as good breeding partners, and translate to the conscious mind as "beautiful." One of the well-publicized findings from the research on attraction is that the waist-to-hip ratio of Marilyn Monroe -- chubby by today's standards -- and stick-insect model Kate Moss are the same. Researchers suggest it implies fertility.

So calling a woman beautiful really means that she will appeal to all men as a sexual partner. Now why, exactly, would any woman want to appeal to all men? Who made appealing-to-men the ultimate measure of a woman's worth? Or beauty the one thing that makes her attractive?

All those beauty industries that profit from the view that women have no purpose but to inspire chub slapping, that's who.

Boy crazy

Dove's campaign is brilliant because is delivers the same old message, that women are worthless without male sexual approval, while challenging the Vogue-model-look of the moment. And they do so with propaganda films so sophisticated that Leni Riefenstahl would applaud.

Amy shows only a boy, about 12, on his bicycle going to see Amy. He calls at her window, but she won't come out. A super comes up: "Amy can name 12 things wrong with her appearance. He can't name one."