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Reproductive Justice and Gender

Is It Wrong to Talk About Michelle Obama's Body?

By Tamura Lomax, RH Reality Check. Posted November 22, 2008.


A recent Salon article declared 'First Lady Got Back.' Does the piece tap into racist assumptions about black women's sexuality?
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The recent cacophonous chorus surrounding Michelle Obama's derriere is undeniably troubling.  Yet, to be quite honest, it is also strangely gratifying to me. 

I recently read Salon's feature piece "First Lady Got Back."  Taken aback by the implicit oxymoron between the words, "First Lady" and "Got Back," I sat for hours pondering all that this cluster of words signified.  For instance, what does it mean to place "first lady," which designates a "respectable" social position, with "Got Back," a sexist epithet coined by rapper, Sir Mix-a-Lot, in his hot song, "Baby Got Back," in the early 90's?  And, what does it mean to inscribe these words onto the body of our very first African American First Lady? 

The deployment of both "lady" and "back" can be viewed as problematic.  First, discourses about mythologized "ladies" didn't initially include black women.  A "lady" was a woman or wife who innately possessed such virtues as delicacy, piety, beauty, politeness and gentleness.  Black women, who were not seen as "ladies," "women" or wives, were historically not privy to such designation.  Historically speaking, this was a term reserved for white women.  And let me just say upfront, this was not necessarily a compliment.  As I understand it, "lady" was just as imprisoning as the more derogatory terms used for black female slaves -- just in a different way.

Secondly, there is a long history of discourses regarding harmfully reductive views of black women's "backs."  Black women have been pathologized and objectified because of their "backs," which, by the way, come in all shapes and sizes just like those of other men and women.  Sir Mix-a-Lot's hit song, "Baby Got Back," was only the tip of the iceberg.  The cultural chorus regarding black women's bodies, particularly their fragmented backside, had been singing for centuries.  Sir Mix-a-Lot simply joined in.  Or did he?

To be sure, the mass production of "Baby Got Back" via radio and television took ongoing essentialist discourses about black female hyper-sexuality to new dimensions.  The constant reproduction of the gyrating images became a source of social studies on black female sexuality.  This was obviously deeply problematic.  However, as stereotypically reductive as this song and video was, in its own way, it also celebrated black women's bodies.  Sure, this so-called celebration reproduced every stereotype about black female sexuality possible.  And, by fetishizing black women's privates, reduced them to mere objects, namely their butts.  This was absolutely damaging.  However, it also did something else.  Through the process of representation (via video imaging), which presented black women's butts as evidence of stereotypical difference (regarding black female sexuality), many black women, including myself, strangely found a sense of pride in our bodies, specifically our butts.  Thus, while Sir Mix-a-Lot (and others) reassigned mythical legacies to our behinds, some black women were re-imagining themselves as subjects with beautiful bodies.

However, it is important to realize that this was not everyone's experience.  Nor was it likely the experience of those like Sir Mix-a-Lot who commodified black women's bodies for his own use and enjoyment.  Nor is it likely the experience of many of those who have joined in the chorus regarding Michelle Obama's butt.  Deployment of terms such as "lady" and "back," without some sort of critical analysis is irresponsible at best, particularly in reference to black women.  Even if Obama's butt makes us beam with pride every time her beautiful body sashays center stage, we cannot ignore the effects of the obvious "blackening" of the already historically brimming noun, "lady," when placed together in a title like "First Lady Got Back."  There are serious implications to consider here, namely the pathologization of our first African-American "First Lady." 

In short, if we are not more careful in our utilization of language and not more forthright in our criticisms of the language of others, we run the risk of reinforcing historical ideals of black female sexual savagery at the highest level.  This is very dangerous.  So, if Michelle Obama's body makes us proud, why not shape our enthusiasm with a critique of the status quo, which continues to treat her as an object by fragmenting her to her parts? Obama is a subject -- more than a body, and, more than a butt.  Inscribing her with words without carefully evaluating their operation first is beyond distressing.  It is death dealing.  Not just to her, but to all women.


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White and uptight
Posted by: kepstein7777 on Nov 22, 2008 1:47 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Millions of uptight soccer moms think their children will be blinded for life because they saw JJ's breast for half a second during the Super Bowl. What further havoc will MO's shapely booty wreak on our respectable society during the next 4 years?

The article's question is absurd, and shows how white and uptight we still are. I mean, if millions of rednecks can have hot librarian fantasies about What's-her-glasses, then...

Wait!...Listen!...What's that noise? It's that jungle music!!! AAAAAAUUUUUGHGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

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Journalists are slime
Posted by: gellero1 on Nov 22, 2008 2:20 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
To write an article about an insulting article about the incoming First Lady is at the same low level as giving political publicity to terrorists of some unknown cause.

Even if some of us thought about Ms. Obama's ass, not one of us with any class would bring it up as an item of conversation.

But writers like this one seem to have no problem dredging up baser things to talk about...........even if some fools wrote about it elsewhere first.

This is how the vile of the 'journalistic' world define 'news'.......as if we care.

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» RE: Journalists are slime Posted by: blitzmesser
» RE: Journalists are slime Posted by: Mrs. Jefferson
Unbelievable
Posted by: jackburns on Nov 22, 2008 2:45 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I can't believe someone would even write an article about this.

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Whats that following me???
Posted by: 2thepoint on Nov 22, 2008 2:59 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
It's a stupid article. It was ok to talk about Palin's body but not Obama's?

Why does being black make it different? She has back there what she has.

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» .... and the implications are..? Posted by: acceptedbyexception
Is this an Onion article?
Posted by: GriGri on Nov 22, 2008 3:26 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I had to ask myself if AlterNet was putting me on with this article. If so, it is very amusing, something I would enjoy as a skit on TDS. If not, we are in sad shape if this is what passes for serious journalism in our troubling and troubled times.

For the record, I think the First Lady is a beautiful woman. She carries herself with grace, dignity, and strength. She has shown herself to be an intellectual match for all comers. I doubt that president-elect Obama has any comment other than, "You can't touch this!"

I expect the next article to address the morons who claim that Obama's many accomplishments are solely attributable to his miscegenation. (The white side, specifically, of course.) Maybe the rest of us are a little more concerned with environmental devastation, global conflict, soaring unemployment, a crashing economy, global warming, etc.

My god, people, wake up!

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» RE: Is this an Onion article? Posted by: pelican beak
This comment has been removed from the site due to non-compliance with AlterNet's community policies.
» RE: I don't think so. Posted by: john mont
"Back" and Dew Rags
Posted by: blondesprite on Nov 22, 2008 4:51 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If Michelle Obama showed up with an Aunt Jemima
style dew rag on her head, it would not make her any less attractive or effective!
Michelle Obama, the person--not the "first lady" clap-trap-- has transcended the intended effects this type of article.
She is not a victim and will not ever play to that role for the amusement or inspiration of writers of this type of over-thinking-a-non-issue nonsense.

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jonnierae
Posted by: jonnie rae on Nov 22, 2008 5:17 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I agree with the writer. No First Lady has ever been discussed anatomically in a lewd or vulgar way. It IS because she is African American, and it is wrong. Chris Rock and other black comedians should shut up about Michelle Obama's physical attributes. It is demeaning to her, to women of color, and to all women. Are respect and civility too much to ask for? She is not a celebrity;she is the wife of the President of the United States.

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» RE: jonnierae Posted by: helenwheels
» RE: jonnierae Posted by: Tombo
» RE: jonnierae Posted by: rickiey
» RE: jonnierae Posted by: jonnie rae
» RE: jonnierae Posted by: rickiey
libad
Posted by: libadtoo on Nov 22, 2008 5:41 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article tells me how low and asinine the world of journalism has descended! This is purely "Pitiful" with a capital P. It says a lot about the owners who published also. Get a life! Give us only what enhances our mind, not 'pulp mag trash'. Why not write about what a beautiful woman all-round Mrs. Obama is?

It totally amazes me how many people spend their lives focusing only on sexuality issues. Totally hysterically amazing!

Once said, words never go away! Be aware and remember this.

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» RE: libad Posted by: 2thepoint
This is BS
Posted by: lil ole me on Nov 22, 2008 5:53 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Michelle is an accomplished woman, the future first lady of these United States and people are actually discussing he backside? Have we sunk this low?

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» RE: This is BS Posted by: babs
» RE: This is BS Posted by: 2thepoint
» RE: This is BS Posted by: Mrs. Jefferson
REAL WOMEN PROJECT
Posted by: drricklippin on Nov 22, 2008 5:59 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I raised funds for this great project a while back

here is the link to learn about this inspiring project which payed homage to and honored the many varied sizes and shapes of woman's bodies of all ages.

Dr. Rick Lippin
Southampton, Pa

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» RE: AL WOMEN PROJECT Posted by: babs
» FACINATING AND SAD Posted by: drricklippin
WTF?
Posted by: AndyF on Nov 22, 2008 6:03 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My eyes glazed over trying to read this. Is this supposed to be a parody of pompous academic writing or was there a point to the piece?

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» RE: WTF? Posted by: Tombo
Michelle Obama's derriere?
Posted by: Magginkat on Nov 22, 2008 6:21 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I guess I missed something along the way. This is the first article that I have seen that was about Michelle Obama's derriere.

I have seen some discussions about her choice of clothing, especially that monstrosity that she wore on election night. It seemed that this dress took on a life of it's own depending on which angle was used to photograph it. The first full glimpse that I got, I wondered what the sam hill she was wearing. It looked like some kind of stuffing had been place in the dress well below the waistline in the front.

What a shame that 'victory' night will be a reminder of that atrocious dress.

Michelle is tall, slender & flat chested. She definitely needs someone to help her with a clothing selection that will flatter her figure. I don't think that tight form fitting clothing is flattering to her at all.

Matter of fact, the dress that her older daughter wore on election night, made up in an adult version, would have been much more flattering to Michelle. Both the children look positively elegant that night.


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» RE: Michelle Obama's derriere? Posted by: Mrs. Jefferson
You must have misseed the one about Bush and Rice...
Posted by: cheryljohns on Nov 22, 2008 6:22 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
How many times have I stood in line at the supermarket and caught headlines on some rag about W and Condaleezza having an affair? Several. Was it true? No, it was the type of crap those tabloids produce. This is no different - and not worth the attention the author of this piece has given it. I voted for Obama - and am proud of him and our new First Lady - and I am white. Don't make an issue out of a non-issue. THAT is what demeans the first black couple in the White House. He made it there precisely because he saw no reason to expound upon the "black" thing (unlike Jesse Jackson, who has made a living out of making sure blacks never forgot how "different" they were). America seems to have finally gotten past it - I suggest the author of this article get past it. Otherwise, she is going to spend the next 4 years whining about every little slight she perceives the Obamas receive. I would like for Obama to do a full 8 years - he is going to need the time to repair the mess W has left. America won't give the full 8 if this type of whining continues - and that won't be his fault.

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Gossip versus respectful journalism
Posted by: carolcarre on Nov 22, 2008 6:39 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
OK, the real issue here isn't black vs white, or women vs men, but how does it happen that we feel OK writing an article for a major online news and opinion journal that is basically giggly girlfriend talk?

There is no excuse for that, although that sort of thing breaks out in American journalism with great regularity. It elevates the trivial (person to person gossip and sharing) to the truly vulgar (discussing a person's body on a major forum as if that person was a piece of meat). That we feel OK doing it is a reflection on our tastlessness and cluelessness.

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» E) All of the above Posted by: acceptedbyexception
HOW STUPID!
Posted by: shd1230 on Nov 22, 2008 7:51 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
WHAT A STUPID ARTICLE. IT'S HARDLY WORTH SAYING THAT MOST OF US HAVE ABOUT AS MUCH INTEREST IN MRS. OBAMA'S REAR END THAN WE DID IN SAY, BARBARA BUSH'S. ALTERNET CLAIMS TO WANT "INTELLIGENT, THOUGHTFUL RESPECTFUL CONVERSATION AND DEBATE." WELL THEN, LET'S HAVE INTELLIGENT, THOUGHTFUL, RESPECTFUL ARTICLES TO COMMENT ON!

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I like the back
Posted by: COhippie on Nov 22, 2008 8:03 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And I don't think it makes me sexist pig either, or that I'm objectifying Michelle Obama or women in general.

Sometimes you just gotta call it like it is.

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» sing it, bro!!! Posted by: hurricane hugo
Actually, this article is pretty insightful
Posted by: bellydonna on Nov 22, 2008 9:56 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article (and, yes, it's very academically written) outlines the unique position black women have been placed in American society throughout history. When black women were auctioned off as slaves, their breeding capabilities (i.e. position of vulva, protruding butt, and breast size) were analyzed and hawked as separate pieces, thereby commodifying the woman's body. Throughout American history, the black woman has been hypersexualized in a similar fashion, from the one-time legal idea that it was legally impossible to rape a black slave woman (which eventually led to black women finding some legal redress) to the black-woman-as-sexual toy (while she's superhumanly fighting crime) movies of Foxy Brown (Pam Grier) to the hypersexualized images of black women in many rap videos.

I think the author of this article was merely pointing out that very-real thread in history and that if people continue to talk about First Lady Obama's backside, this beautiful, intelligent woman is simply being categorized the way black women have historically been categorized in American society--as a mere sexualized object.

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Perpetual hymn of an open book.
Posted by: Sinibaldi on Nov 22, 2008 12:32 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Like an iced
dream my mind
disappears in
the heart of
an innocent
nurse, when a
clamour appears
and a delicate
blackbird discovers
a glimmer.

Francesco Sinibaldi

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/forum/view/1433/Hello-my-dear-/2/

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Not wrong, but boring and stupid to write about a 'body'.
Posted by: blitzmesser on Nov 22, 2008 1:34 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
What about her mind? She is educated and intelligent.
Stop this BS about peoples' bodies. Have you got nothing better to write about? American trivia, again and again.

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Good topic, weak analysis
Posted by: ladyoracle on Nov 22, 2008 5:07 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I think it's important to ask ourselves what it means when Michelle Obama's looks make the news, but this article would have more impact if it included a look at the news commentary on her fashion sense as well as her body. She's glorified for having a unique style, knowing what looks good on her body, wearing Gap and Target clothes as well as designer ones, and now also for her sexy booty. There's something to be said here, but it can't be said wholly within the rhetorical analysis of one news outlet's headline.

I agree with the reader who said how is this different than the conversation about Palin's sexiness. I think it is different, but that's another argument missed by this article. What's the same about them is that Palin was called a Barbie, and now Obama is being reduced to one body part, which makes her ethnically different, her butt, a synecdoche that takes her humanity away like calling Palin a doll, and it also essentially differentiates her as a black female body. Well, she is a black woman, isn't she? She does have a lovely hind end, according to the "baby got back" standard. Why not celebrate it? Why celebrate that and not Palin's Barbie-ness? I will tell you why. Because the Barbie is a rubber Mattel product, and the luscious booty is a symbol of female sexual power. It's a limited and limiting power, but Barbie has even less.

Maybe I should be blogging for Alternet, no?

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» Maybe you should... Posted by: acceptedbyexception
A Woman's Superficial Appearance is the ONLY thing, Sexist,Discriminatory Idiots EVER see...
Posted by: joeocho88 on Nov 22, 2008 6:53 PM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I cannot say very much about the Obama family because I do not know them and Senator Obama is not the elected official of my district.

I personally tend to judge people by HOW THEY ACT, HOW THEY REGARD THEIR FELLOW BEINGS AND BY THE CONTENTS OF THEIR MINDS! You can learn something from ALL KINDS of people. If you can't learn anything from them, don't waste your time and I have spent a lot of time learning from African Americans and my fellow Native Americans, as well,as having navigated a cautious path though the Good Old Boy system of Southern hell and patronage.

I DO NOT KNOW WHY WOMEN ARE CONTINUALLY JUDGED FOR WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE AND NOT FOR WHAT THEY THINK, THEIR ABILITY TO ARTICULATE THEIR THOUGHTS, THEIR ABILITIES TO PRODUCE IDEAS AND OTHER CONCEPTS!

WHY DOES THIS DICHOTOMY OF "WIFE/MOTHER" OR "WHORE/WITCH" STILL PERSIST IN A SUPPOSEDLY ENLIGHTENED TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY???

THE ETHOS OF MACHISMO IS STUPID, GETS A LOT OF MEN KILLED AND PUT IN JAIL! IT IS BASED ON THE TOTAL LACK OF RESPECT AND REGARD FOR THE LIVES OF WOMEN --THAT WOMEN ARE SO MUCH TRASH TO BE GROUND UNDERFOOT! A LOT OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE TAKES PLACES BECAUSE OF THE MACHISMO VALUES AND THEY ARE BASED ON THE COMPLETE DEVALUATION OF WOMEN!

From what little I have seen and heard, Michelle Obama is a very classy, intelligent, articulate lady who speaks the truth -- her husband is a Harvard-graduate and an attorney and a PUBLIC OFFICIAL which means he has a LARGE diverse constituency, which means that Michelle has something going for her. She is a mother, but by choice and I am looking forward to hearing from her in the future.

I AM NOT ABOUT TO JUDGE THIS DYNAMIC WOMAN BY WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE.

Anyone who would even include this stupid topic-- about what a future first lady's body looks like needs to spend some time in a Cultural Diversity and an African American cultural studies class!

It is disrespectful, it is sexist and it is racist as well.

THERE IS A LOT MORE TO A WOMAN THAT JUST HER BODY SHAPE! Because we are going to need to harness the powers of EVERYONE no matter what they look like if we are going to get this country back on track again!Excluding women because of their body shape when women constitute a numerical majority at the polling places is NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE OR POSSIBLE. In fact, it's inane and idiotic.

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Many white women 'got back'
Posted by: Gibsongirl on Nov 22, 2008 7:04 PM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
What a stupid thing to write about! Not one of my nieces can wear the straight cut dresses that Michelle wears because they have too much 'back'! Also - want to write something about Hillary's big thighs and legs? Hillary looks good in those pant suits, Michelle looks good in her dresses - my problem is my big tummy - your problem is you have nothing to write about!!!

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This is off limits!
Posted by: Bayardtom on Nov 23, 2008 5:55 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Would anyone have even thought about writing about a First Lady's buttocks before? This is really unthinkable "journalism"! It smacks of racism and it's sickening.

Michele Obama is class from head to toe. She is a thoughtful, intelligent, caring woman who has made an admirable life for herself and her family.

Her children are beautiful, well behaved and full of life. That doesn't happen by magic. It takes two parents who are bright, loving and well informed about parenting.Don't you wish that more parents could say the same?

Every day we all see children who suffer from little or no parenting. It's not their fault but they are the ones who will suffer in later
life.

Lets be grateful that we at last have a president and first family that are worthy of the title. As far as I can see, they are all gorgeous.

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who cares
Posted by: edgar1 on Nov 23, 2008 7:05 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
hilary's derriere can be said to be ample. I now have spent a little over one second on that subject, which is how much I will spend on Michelle's rear, thanks to alternet's desperate grab for ratings.

we (most of us) will be interested in what hilary and michelle say and do for the next four years. on the other hand, fetishists and republicans with nothing better to do can measure the bodies of women in public life.

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Demeaning and Insulting
Posted by: Last Chance on Nov 23, 2008 7:20 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Such gossip is sexist and racist and decent citizens refuse to indulge in it.

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RULES REGARDING THE FIRST LADY
Posted by: VZEQICVA on Nov 23, 2008 7:36 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Let's use the same rules for Michelle Obama as we did for Laura Bush. All we were ALLOWED to say was," She's very nice". "What a nice dress". She was off limits as was her mother in law. Mention of Laura's sexuality would have been considered unpatriotic. Just because Michelle is tall, shapely, sexy and very pretty doesn't mean we should turn her into tabloid material. She's also very smart. Somehow I don't picture the Obama's being interviewed on some TV show about their sexuality or anything else along very personal lines. Why not wait for Sarah and her new career and have a real field day. Now there's a lady worth trashing. ANNA

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Um.
Posted by: MHolt on Nov 23, 2008 10:08 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Personally, I do not care about her body nor do I find her, "hot." She is obviously attractive to her spouse and frankly that is all that matters. Why is this on Alternet? With so many other pressing news stories, how the HECK did a story of the president elect's wife's body get here. Oh yeah.

I remember seeing a story on Yahoo about what kind of "dog" should president elect Obama have.

I D O N'T CARE. It is NOT important nor imperative to the critical issues at hand today. One could ask, what flavor of KOOL AID does the Obama family like to drink. My answer, I D O N'T CARE!

M. Holt

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Michelle Obama - Our New First Lady
Posted by: Carol Burns on Nov 23, 2008 10:57 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Now, could we just please show her some respect? Or, should we just ask all the women in public office to disrobe so we can rate their anatomy?

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answer to your title question is yes
Posted by: tjwilson on Nov 23, 2008 11:30 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Yes, it is wrong to chit-chat about Michele Obama's body.
Period. And kind of sad too.

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She's got a dumper like a house.
Posted by: lindat on Nov 23, 2008 9:51 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And word is she exercises like a maniac! Just imagine if she didn't!

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America's suppurating misogyny problem
Posted by: Perry Logan on Nov 25, 2008 3:41 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Yes.

The primary campaign--with its nonstop misogyny directed against Sen. Clinton--showed us that America has a whopping big misogyny problem.

The mainstream news, the "progressive" blogs, and the Obama campign were all complicit in the barrage of sexist attacks on Sen. Clinton.

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» Hey stupid Posted by: rickiey
Tamura Lomax - TALKS SMACK
Posted by: ds1st on Nov 25, 2008 3:41 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Hey if Tamura Lomax wants to write this article no problem!

I enjoy her writing style and she often brings out topics in a unique round about way. Re-read the article and see what she is saying with an open mind… Appreciate her qualities and ingenuity!

It you want to talk about the exploitation of women then let’s talk about MTV. Women are made out to be whores and objects on MTV. The MTV cable channel is SICK and ANTI-FEMINIST; MTV whores the female for PROFIT.

MTV executives ARE PIGGY WIGGLES.

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Yes, it's wrong.
Posted by: bluebirdella on Nov 26, 2008 11:18 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Show some respect and keep it to yourself.

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Notice what section you're in??
Posted by: jennymac on Nov 29, 2008 2:30 AM   
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This is the Sex & Relationships tab of Alternet, not the political one. Maybe a turkey sandwich and a good night's sleep will calm all these *outraged* people down.She's an attractive woman who takes good care of herself, Obama obviously adores her, and she'll be a great role model as a healthy woman that is obviously a wonderful mother, all the while having a career. Nuff said!

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YES
Posted by: montims on Dec 3, 2008 6:55 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Good grief.

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