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When being single isn’t a problem to be solved

Katie Heaney has written the most compelling dating memoir of the last few years, and it's all about not dating. Specifically, "Never Have I Ever" chronicles Heaney's 25 years without a romantic relationship (OK, a few of those were infancy, but Heaney does spend some time on her grade-school datelessness). The book resists pretty much all of the stock narratives about singlehood that romantic comedies, women's magazines and the like have led us to expect. Heaney certainly has crushes, and wants to fall in love one day, but her book isn't about her search for a special someone. Nor is it about rejecting romance as totally unimportant. Rather, it's the story of a young woman navigating a space lots of people find themselves in but fewer talk about -- one where dating is something to think about, but certainly not the only thing, and certainly not something worth overhauling one's life or self for. Heaney, who's also an editor at BuzzFeed (where she and I worked together briefly), talked to me on the phone about online dating, feminism and what people in relationships can learn from her book.

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