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Should I tell my ex-lover?

Dear Cary,

I am seeking your advice because I find your letters deeply empathetic and kind, and because they have helped me in many ways over the years. My question is this: Do I tell an ex-love that I am getting married? How do I do it?

Here is some background: I call this man an ex-love because we were never in an exclusive relationship, though we were involved for many years. We had a very intense connection, having very similar emotional temperaments. Early on, I expressed my desire to be in a relationship with him. He made it clear that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. Being both smart and emotionally healthy, I stayed involved with him for years. However, feeling deeply hurt by his earlier rejection of me (among other things), there were topics I literally never discussed with him in the years we were involved. These topics included how we felt about each other and whether we were seeing other people.

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