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I watched the “Teen Mom” porno

You can never say I didn't do anything nice for you, because I just sat through all 70 minutes of the newly released "Teen Mom" porno, so that you don't have to. (And seriously, I recommend not.)

The video, unoriginally titled "Backdoor Teen Mom," helps to confirm Farrah Abraham's costar James Deen's claim that the scheme was to film the video in the style of a personal homemade sex tape and then pretend that it had been leaked against their will. (Shortly after filming it, he foiled that original plan by giving an honest answer to a reporter's probing question about the tape, which was being shopped around.) Deen is behind a hand-held camera for much of it; sometimes he sets it down down to catch the entire scene from a distance. Former "Teen Mom" star Abraham repeatedly calls him "baby" (actually, it's a grating whine of "baaayyybeeeee"), as though they're in an intimate relationship and not strangers filming a porno. At one point, she attempts to lead him up the stairs to the bedroom with, "Come on, boyfriend." She engages in baby talk -- "give me kisses," "come cuddle" -- that is creepily reminiscent of scenes of her interacting with her daughter on "Teen Mom." She even calls him "butthead" at one point.

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