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Gays hate apple pie!

Please, please say that this was your version of an April Fools' Day gag, Tim Huelskamp. Please say this was your Onion-like parody of the absurd, hyperbolic bluster that makes the opponents of marriage equality seem so dumb and silly. Because if it wasn't, well, it doesn't really matter. I'm still going to laugh at you anyway.

In a highly unambivalent piece in Monday's Washington Times – your first clue that this should be treated entirely as a gag – the Republican Kansas representative takes on "The war on marriage and motherhood" because "Redefining matrimony would destroy the family." Your second clue that he has got to be kidding is the accompanying illustration of a man and a woman; their genitals obscured by the words "What. Ever" as a rainbow gavel-wielding ENEMY OF FREEDOM.

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