10 Things You Shouldn't Say to People Who Are Sober
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Sober people can make drinkers feel uncomfortable, and sometimes they chime in with the most unusual comments. The following is a list I comprised of things you should really never say to sober people. Some have actually been said to me, others I just came up with. Drinkers, consider these next time you're around a Sober Sally.
1. "You're not drinking? Ever?"
Interrogation! When I first became sober, I always got real anxious when asked this question. Oh god, ever? That's a really long time. Um, do I have to make this decision right now? Can I get back to you tomorrow? Is it your business? Then when I did become sure that yes, I will not be drinking, ever, I still felt like it was kind of a dumb question. YES, I will not be drinking FOREVER. Shock ensues.
2. "Shot, Shot, Shot!"
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Alas, some people forget, or waiters at the bar just don't know. Shot, shot, shot, shut UP.
3. "But red wine has antioxidants; it's good for you."
Sure, let me break my sobriety because red wine has antioxidants... said no sober person ever. It doesn't matter if alcohol is healthy or not, that has nothing to with why I can't and don't want to drink it. Period.
4. "You're not an alcoholic!"
I think this comment comes from a good place most of the time, but it's unnecessary. Only I know if I'm an alcoholic or not, and either way, I stopped drinking for a reason. Does it matter what I call myself? Tomato, tomaTOE, I say.
5. "Aren't you bored?"
No, I'm not. I'm many things, but bored isn't one of them. I can have fun and not drink. I am actually enjoying life sober. I will remember all of this tomorrow and won't regret any decisions I make throughout the course of the night.
6. "Hold my beer."
I think I'll pass! I don't want to drink and I would prefer not to hold your smelly cup of beer while you go to the bathroom. It makes me feel weird.
7. "I'm sober too. I only drink one or two drinks."
Hate to burst your bubble, but if you are having one or two drinks you're not sober. I still think it's great you are successfully regulating your drinking, but you are only sober if you do not drink any alcohol. Come on over to the sober team whenever you'd like -- we're waiting!
8. "I didn't think to invite you because you don't drink."
Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I don't want to be included in social outings, club nights, or parties. Maybe I won't always want to go to the bar or club, but I don't mind going once in awhile for special occasions where all my friends will be. I can attend all these important events, I just won't be drinking. The best part is I will actually enjoy and remember them!
9. "Let's go to the after-hours club!"
Okay, I want to be invited everywhere, but not there. I used to be the queen of after hours, and now you're lucky if I make it out for a fun club night. Plus, nothing good happens at after-hours clubs! Real talk: I'm definitely not going to another bar after the bar.
10. "You don't drink? I feel bad for you."
Please don't feel bad for me! I made a healthy and amazing decision for my life, and it feels great. Being sober is what works for me, and I like it! Maybe I should answer with: You still get hangovers? I feel bad for you.