Bill Maher's Warning to Liberals: Obama Could Still Lose to Santorum

 In last night's final New Rule, Bill Maher had a two-pronged message, first noting how Rick Santorum is a joke candidate, but then noting that Americans have far too often gone ahead and elected those joke candidates as President.

So, maybe that's why everywhere I go lately, the supermarket, the dry cleaners, thewithdrawal window at my bank (weeps), people all say the same thing to me.  "May I have some money?"  But after that, they say, "Obama is gonna crush these clowns.  It's gonna be the biggest landslide since...."  And then their voices trail off, 'cause they don't know any history.

Because history shows that many times, the joke candidate is the one who ends up winning.  And you don't even have to go all the way back to that asshole Millard Fillmoreto verify this.  Just think about the year 2000, when gas was 12¢ a gallon, and the Internet was powered by steam.  George W. Bush, the town drunk of Texas, decided he should try his hand at some presidentin'.  And oh, how we laughed!  Ha ha ha ha ha!  He was up against super-smart Al Gore, America's one-man genius bar.  It was IQ versus barbecue.  But as we know, Bush won, twice, and Al Gore is now running a TV station that you only get if you order the "Just Give Me Every Damn Channel in the World" package.

Or, take back in 1968, the idea of Ronald Reagan as President was so ridiculous, it was arunning gag on Laugh-In.  Right along with the one they did about an Asian basketball player.

....

Yes, Obama could lose.  And in fact, in the swing states, which are the only states that matter, he is losing in this week's Gallup poll, to both Romney and Santorum.  59% of Americans think the country is on the wrong track, and that's before they gave away the Best Picture award to some silent French movie where nothing blows up!

I often talk about how conservatives are in a bubble, but liberals have their bubble too.  And inside it, Obama is a shoe-in, because the Republicans are just so ridiculously out of touch.  Well, they may be out of touch with you, but believe me, they're in touch with your brother-in-law in rural Pennsylvania.

Full transcript below the fold.

 

(And no, at the time I transcribed this, nobody had put up a good embeddable video of his New Rule yet.  Maybe by the time you're reading this, someone will have, but I'll either still be asleep or at the UCLA-Washington basketball game at the Sports Arena.)

For reals, check out this video clip of Laugh-In from 1969.  And check out the audience's mocking laughter when he mentions "President Ronald Reagan".

And finally, New Rule: President Obama must stand up and thank the man who's been out there day after day tirelessly helping his campaign, Rick Santorum.  (wild audience applause)

Every time I turn on the news, Christ-y McSweatervest has just said something crazier than the last crazy thing he said.  He said JFK makes him want to throw up.  Not the man, the airport!  Because if God had wanted man to fly, he wouldn't have made flight attendants so gay.  (James Carville visibly cracks up)

He says climate change is just a big hoax.  You know, like Bigfoot or the female orgasm.  He thinks condoms are not OK, which means he's either a religious nut, or he's never heard of lube.

If Rick Santorum is your youth minister, you'd ask your parent to switch you to the one who just molests.  (wild audience applause)

So yes, Little Ricky sure is good for comedy, and that Mitt Romney is no slouch either.  Porn stars don't change positions as much as this guy.  He's had five years to practice running for President, and he still starts every sentence with, "From my perspective as an obscenely wealthy man...."  He might have fired thousands of people, but when it comes to comedy writing, trust me, he's a job creator.

So, maybe that's why everywhere I go lately, the supermarket, the dry cleaners, thewithdrawal window at my bank (weeps), people all say the same thing to me.  "May I have some money?"  But after that, they say, "Obama is gonna crush these clowns.  It's gonna be the biggest landslide since...."  And then their voices trail off, 'cause they don't know any history.

Because history shows that many times, the joke candidate is the one who ends up winning.  And you don't even have to go all the way back to that asshole Millard Fillmoreto verify this.  Just think about the year 2000, when gas was 12¢ a gallon, and the Internet was powered by steam.  George W. Bush, the town drunk of Texas, decided he should try his hand at some presidentin'.  And oh, how we laughed!  Ha ha ha ha ha!  He was up against super-smart Al Gore, America's one-man genius bar.  It was IQ versus barbecue.  But as we know, Bush won, twice, and Al Gore is now running a TV station that you only get if you order the "Just Give Me Every Damn Channel in the World" package.

Or, take back in 1968, the idea of Ronald Reagan as President was so ridiculous, it was arunning gag on Laugh-In.  Right along with the one they did about an Asian basketball player.

Yes, the Republicans may look harmless and fragmented now, but much like a dismembered monster in a slasher movie, soon the hand will start crawling towards the arm, and then the whole ghoulish creature will reassemble itself.

Yes, Obama could lose.  And in fact, in the swing states, which are the only states that matter, he is losing in this week's Gallup poll, to both Romney and Santorum.  59% of Americans think the country is on the wrong track, and that's before they gave away the Best Picture award to some silent French movie where nothing blows up!

I often talk about how conservatives are in a bubble, but liberals have their bubble too.  And inside it, Obama is a shoe-in, because the Republicans are just so ridiculously out of touch.  Well, they may be out of touch with you, but believe me, they're in touch with your brother-in-law in rural Pennsylvania.  He doesn't hear Rick Santorum warn that homosexuality can lead to bestiality and say, "Why, that's absurd."  He hears Rick Santorum say that, and tells his wife, "Honey, keep cousin Glen away from the cat."

Not convinced yet?  If any of you are saying Bush only won in 2000 because of his brother in Florida, and voter suppression efforts, etc., have you seen what DOZENS of GOP-controlled state legislatures have passed in 2011 that have been signed into law by Republican governors that will make it that much harder for voters who tend to vote Democratic to actually be able to vote?

We all may be alternating between mocking and blasting Santorum for his views, but what are you doing to make sure Obama will actually beat him or Romney come November?  Don't be one of those liberals who lives in a bubble and thinks Obama will simply cruise to victory because the American people will see how far-right Santorum and Romney are.