News & Politics

Ted Cruz's College Roommate Has a Hilarious Response to News the Texas Senator Liked a Porn Bot

"Imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed."

Photo Credit: CJ Hanevy/Shutterstock

The internet went insane on Monday night after Sen. Ted Cruz’s Twitter account liked a video posted by a porn account.

The controversy that erupted from this inspired Craig Mazin, a screenwriter who was Cruz’s former college roommate, to rant about the misery of living with Cruz and his fetish for “mediocre porn.”

“Imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed,” Mazin said of Cruz’s porn-watching habits. “Sadly, the fact that Ted Cruz jacks off to mediocre porn spam is the most human thing we can say about him. This is actually his high point.”

Mazin then expressed empathy for the rest of the world now that it knew about the Bible-thumping Cruz’s love of pornography — but he said he felt better knowing that he was no longer the only person to carry knowledge of this dark secret.

“I never wanted this for any of you,” he wrote. “I thought maybe I’d feel better if two or three people knew. Not six billion. That said? I FEEL BETTER.”

Mazin has also pinned an old tweet from April 2016 that mocks Cruz’s purported love of masturbation.

 

Brad Reed is a writer living in Boston. His work has previously appeared in the American Prospect Online, and he blogs frequently at Sadly, No!.
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