The Definitive Guide to the Craziest Right-Wing Conspiracy Theories About Hillary Clinton
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, pictured before speaking at a World Bank meeting in Washington, DC, May 14, 2014
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Long before she let Benghazi happen, Hillary Clinton was the center of a swirl of inventive rumors about sex, drugs, and murder. For entertainment purposes only, we've rounded up some of the greatest (i.e., most scurrilous). We'll add more as they inevitably bubble up in the run-up to the 2016 race.
BENGHAZI ON THE BRAIN
Rumor: Then-Secretary of State Clinton faked the flu and a concussion in December 2012 to avoid testifying to Congress about Benghazi.
Rumormongers: 2016 presidential dark horse John Bolton and Fox News contributor Monica Crowley
Rumor: As if a phony head injury wasn't bad enough—Hillary faked a blood clot, an even more serious medical condition, to further delay her Benghazi testimony.
Rumormonger: Glenn Beck, who added that "if she really had some weird thing in the hospital, then it should prohibit her from ever becoming president."
BRAINED BY BUSH'S BRAIN
Rumor: The clot was real, and Hillary suffered lingering brain damage that could render her unfit for office.
Rumormonger: Fox News analyst Karl Rove, who backtracked the next day.
THE CLINTON BODY COUNT
Rumor: Various theories hold that former Clinton White House chief of staff Vince Foster didn't commit suicide in Virginia's Fort Marcy Park. One posits that he was killed because he was having an affair with Hillary Clinton.
Rumormongers: Former Rep. Dan Burton (R-Ind.) once shot a watermelon (or a pumpkin—it's unclear) to prove that Foster was shot by someone else. Accuracy in Media founder Reed Irvine took out an ad in the New York Times to note that the FBI had failed to investigate "semen in Foster's shorts, blond hair on his T-shirt and trousers and multicolored carpet fibers on all his clothing." (Bonus: Anne Coulter once joked, "If you attack the Clintons publicly, make sure all your friends know that you are not planning suicide.")
RON BROWN'S BODY
Rumor: Commerce Secretary Ron Brown and 34 others were killed in a plane crash orchestrated by the Clintons to prevent him from spilling the beans to special investigators about selling seats on trade missions.
Rumormonger: The Clinton Body Count, a website linking the first family to more than 90 deaths.
Rumor: After agreeing to cooperate with special investigator Ken Starr, Whitewater partner James McDougal died in prison—allegedly at the hands of Clinton henchmen. "Chalk up another body to Clinton,'' as one Rush Limbaugh caller put it. An alternative theory: McDougal faked his death to avoid ratting out his benefactors.
Rumormonger: The Clinton Body Count
Rumor: Former Clinton aide Kathleen Willey alleged that after her cat went missing, a suspicious-looking jogger told her to watch what she said. Then her new cat turned up dead.
Rumormonger: Willey, in the the 2007 pseudo-documentary Hillary: The Movie (which triggered the Citizens United Supreme Court decision).
THE SEX STUFF
GAY UNTIL INAUGURATION
Rumor: After majoring in lesbianism at Wellesley, Hillary entered into a sham marriage with Bill Clinton to cover up the truth. At one point, a former classmate moved to Little Rock to continue an affair with Hillary.
Rumormonger: Edward Klein, author of The Truth About Hillary: What She Knew, When She Knew It, and How Far She'll Go to Become President
BISEXUAL AFTER INAUGURATION
Rumor: Bill confided that his wife was a bisexual who, as she put it, "had eaten more pussy than he had."
Rumormonger: Former Clinton mistress Gennifer Flowers, in a 2013 interview with the Daily Mail