News & Politics  
comments_image Comments

Another Right-Wing Phony Embroiled in Sex Scandal -- Why Does Sexual Hypocrisy Flourish on the Right?

Let’s call this Conservative Chaos Theory. Without hypocrisy, the conservative mind would explode from the sheer force of its eternal contradictions.

Continued from previous page

 
 
Share
 
 
 

Polytheistic religions don’t tend to operate this way, which is why you can see male and female gods frolicking with abandon on the walls of ancient Egyptian temples. Which is also why the Second Commandment in the Bible tells you not to ever, ever look at them. In fact, you’re really not supposed to look at or think about bodies at all. They are inconvenient encumbrances to your eternal life, and the sooner you get rid of them, the better. Anything that upsets the fragile order of this strange system where males are celestial beings and women are nasty creatures whose bodies reek of dirty sex – like gay love, for example – will have to be squelched at all costs. Holding all these contradictory thoughts in your head deforms the mind into a labyrinth of twists and turns and on top of that there’s a phantom floating around in there.

Thanks to Freud, we know that humans are often haunted by something called The Return of the Repressed. The more you try to deny the undead incarnation of your repressed desires, the stronger he becomes, and he will hunt you down. Before long you find yourself in a park restroom in Florida asking an undercover policeman to fellate you for twenty bucks. And your boss John McCain is pissed.

D’Souza himself provides a curious perspective on the subject. In a meditation on the high standards of conservatives in which he deplores the adulteries of both Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich, D’Souza imparts this gleaming nugget of insight:

“Even hypocrisy is in the conservative view preferable to a denial of standards because such denial leads to moral chaos or nihilism.”

Let’s call this Conservative Chaos Theory. Without hypocrisy, the conservative mind would explode from the sheer force of its eternal contradictions and Dinesh D’Souza, along with his phantom, would be sucked into The Void. Hypocrisy is the glue that holds it all together. Tolerance for others is corrosive to hypocrisy and must be avoided at all costs. In that South Carolina hotel room, Dinesh D’Souza was taking a stand against moral relativity. Maybe even the General Theory of Relativity. Anything which denies the absolutes and standards that protect the insecure human from the knowledge of his mortality—and ultimately, his insignificance in the great design of things.  People, this is courage. And I submit that it is not easy to take a stand while you are lying down.

This is why, friends, that you will very likely soon turn on the news to hear that yet another promoter of God’s word has been caught with his pants down.

In motel rooms across America, these men are bravely resisting chaos.

Amen.

Lynn Parramore is an AlterNet senior editor. She is cofounder of Recessionwire, founding editor of New Deal 2.0, and author of "Reading the Sphinx: Ancient Egypt in Nineteenth-Century Literary Culture." She received her Ph.D. in English and cultural theory from NYU. She is the director of AlterNet's New Economic Dialogue Project. Follow her on Twitter @LynnParramore.