Oscars to 'Rock' the Red States

At a time when Hollywood crybabies and their Big Media daddies are crumbling under pressure from conservatives, Chris Rock is, well, like a rock. That's why, at the Academy Awards this Sunday, you can count on the guy who may well be the funniest comedian working right now to break out of the mold of mediocrity that usually defines the broadcast's opening monologue and blow up the status quo.

L.A. Weekly has learned that Rock has earmarked a segment of his standup to joke about George W. Bush. Ali LeRoi, a longtime Rock collaborator and part of the team of writers helping to craft the comic's opening remarks as Oscar host, tells me: "The guy who says inflammatory stuff is going to say something inflammatory. He's made a career of being outrageous so, yes, there'll be presidential humor."

It isn't just worries about Bush bashing that have Oscar watchers on alert. No previous host has done as much lip flapping before the show as Rock. The result has been a manufactured brouhaha about his anti-Oscar banter. ("What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars?" Rock asked Entertainment Weekly. To which Artie Lang on The Howard Stern Show replied: "Denzel Washington's father.") But lost in the headlines was the comedian's history of razzing the White House and its policies.

Anyone who knows Rock's act has heard his razor-sharp "Bush lied to me" riff. "Bush lied to me, man. He said we got to move on Iraq because they're the most dangerous regime on Earth. If they're so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole fucking country? You couldn't take over the Bronx in two weeks. You'd need a month to get the Grand Concourse."

L.A. Weekly has learned Rock will be tamer come Oscar night, but he will still crank up the political satire. According to LeRoi as well as people who've heard Rock trying out material recently, one Dubya joke is about the president's intelligence, or lack thereof, and goes something like this (SPOILER ALERT): "Bush is not stupid. All you people who say that are wrong. You can't be an idiot and get to be president. You gotta give the guy a little credit. Anyone that's smart enough to get that far has got to be just acting dumb."

No wonder the Red Staters are having heart attacks. These are the same rabid dogs, after all, who wouldn't even let the Democratic presidential candidate speak ill of W. Now a comedian's got a gig to do it in front of an audience of hundreds of millions. Rock is "the wrong host," claimed Concerned Women for America (a.k.a. Conservative Operatives), "unless Hollywood wants to demonstrate how far out of touch it is with the rest of America."

We know their drill come Oscar time: attack, attack, attack, and beat Hollywood into obedient silence.

"As long as you salute the right wing, you are endowed with great intelligence and patriotic spirit. But anyone else who speaks up with independence is some sort of traitorous bastard. It's such a tired act," says Hollywood activist Mike Farrell (M.A.S.H., Providence) defending Rock's right to be funny. "I just turned down a Geraldo interview about why Hollywood is out of step with the rest of the country. This is such bullshit."

Rock's Oscar standup is being kept so secret that the comic wouldn't allow 60 Minutes to air even an excerpt from his practice runs at the Sunset Strip comedy clubs during the newsmagazine's profile on him that aired last Sunday, according to a show exec. (Who says filmdom, fame and fortune don't come with perks? Tell that to the next poor bastard who asks the producers not to show him being led away in handcuffs.)

LeRoi hints at subjects that will be skewered. Michael Moore. The Passion of the Christ. "We can take potshots at the studios all night. What can we say that will damage their bottom line?!"