How to End the Reign of Shock Jocks

What do recent radio references to "nappy-headed hos," raping Condi Rice, and "slimp flied lice" have in common?

Other than the desire to shock listeners -- and thereby create controversy, grow audiences and sell advertising -- the current spate of repulsive shock-jock gibberish all share something else: a salary from CBS.

Once peacock-proud of its self-styled "Tiffany" network -- so-called for its supposed devotion to quality -- the corporate heirs of William Paley traded public service for private profit long ago. But now no amount of filthy lucre can perfume away the stench wafting from the current trench of programming sewage being shoveled our way of late by such CBS on-air alleged "talent" as Opie & Anthony, JV and Elvis, and Don "I-Man" Imus.

It was CBS, of course, that offered Imus $40 million to render services of an "irreverent" and "controversial" nature -- and then fired him when he did the job too well. And it was CBS that hired JV and Elvis to crack wise on "The Dog House" before the "Imus effect" thankfully led to the cancellation of that program, after the hosts made a racist, sexist and homophobic on-air prank call ordering "slimp flied lice" from a Chinese restaurant.

And it was CBS that re-hired Opie and Anthony after dumping them five years ago for staging an on-air sex contest, complete with live coverage of a couple having sex in Saint Patrick's Cathedral. After outraged Catholics protested the desecration of their church, the duo looked for other employment -- and eventually found it, not only on XM satellite radio, where they staged their latest repellent stunt, but also on New York's WFNY-FM, where they are employed by -- wait, wait, don't tell me! -- CBS Radio.

Now that JV and Elvis are no longer in the house, having joined Imus on the unemployment line, and their Asian-mocking joking has left CBS execs with more community opprobrium, angry advertisers, and another gaping hole in their schedule, their fellow shock jocks Opie and Anthony should swiftly follow all three out the door. Maybe then their corporate overlords at CBS will finally learn that "making fun" of people because of their race, gender or sexual orientation really isn't funny, and that encouraging rape and violent assault is a criminal and not a comic act.

Unlike the CBS execs, the dopey duo -- whose real names are Gregg Hughes and Anthony Cumia -- at least had the sense to apologize last week after a guest on their XM satellite show advocated raping Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, First Lady Laura Bush and Queen Elizabeth of Britain. Here's a sample of their shocking "humor," as the hosts laugh and fantasize about the horror for Rice as studio guest "Homeless Charlie" is "holdin' her down" and assaulting her:

Voice 1 (Charlie): I tell you what -- what that George Bush bitch, Rice? Condoleezza Rice?

Voice 2 (Host): Condoleezza Rice.

V1: I'd love to fuck that bitch, man. (Laughter) She needs to fuck a man. I'd fuck her.

V2: I can just imagine the horror on Condoleezza Rice's face when she realized what was going on. (laughter)

V3 (Host 2): You were all just holdin' her down and, you know, fuckin' her. (laughter)

V1: Punch her all in the fuckin' face, saying, "Shut up, bitch." (laughter)

V3: That's exactly what I meant. (laughter)

So given the Imus effect, given the JV and Elvis situation, and given the known history of Opie and Anthony ... what did CBS do and say about the 'raping Rice' bit on XM?

Nothing and no comment, beyond the following statement by CBS Radio spokeswoman Karen Mateo: "Fortunately, we have standards that did not and would not ever let something like this make our air." No -- nothing like this -- just lame jokes about Asians and gays and stupid slurs against young, accomplished black women ...