Lonely in an Electronic Wilderness: "The Great Emotional Sickness of Our Era"

“Technology allows us to separate ourselves from reality – moving people away from the real to the imagined, from the emotional to the controlled,” observes Derek V. Smith in an email interview with me.

The author of A Survival Guide in the Information Age sees a darker side to the proliferation of personal gadgets and the use of technology in daily life. “Escaping into technology, someone can create false worlds, identities and experiences.”

As I sit on a bus en route to my local university library, his words hit home. The few passengers on board are not participating in the here-and-now but are absorbed in a hypnotizing alternate universe of mutually exclusive cyber worlds.

One rider gazes idly into space as he rocks back and forth to the tunes spilling from his iPod. A woman busily pounds out text messages from her sleek clamshell Blackberry, her fingers flying frenetically. Yet another squints his eyes in concern as he surfs the corridors of the internet from his cell phone.

When I attempt to greet a fellow commuter opposite me, he returns my gaze without even a glimmer of shared humanity.

Uneasy and alienated, I turn on my own iPod and surf through the one-hundred plus digital music files, but none sustain my interest. I can't help but feel that technological gadgets are keeping people apart and breaking down our society.

Malignant Self-Love author Dr. Sam Vaknin echoes my lament. "Technology had and has a devastating effect on the survival and functioning of our core social units, [rendering it] atomized and anomic."

Elaborating, he adds, "Modern technology allows us to reach out, but rarely to truly touch. It substitutes kaleidoscopic, brief, and shallow interactions for long, meaningful and deep relationships."

It seems to not only be wrecking havoc on interactions across society, but is even breaking down intimate relationships.

In what Italian filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni eloquently calls "the great emotional sickness of our era," people are finding themselves increasingly detached and drifting away from intimacy.

"It is not that I don't value friendships," says Chelsea, an overworked forty-something who puts in 10-hour days at her high-tech company. "But often with work and personal schedules, it is hard to coordinate a meeting time with friends."

Joe Vajgrt, a part-time college student and a full-time employee, blames not only scheduling but also fatigue. "I'll be planning on spending time with people, but when the time actually comes around to see them, I prefer to stay home to recharge my batteries."

Social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace make it possible for him to keep in touch with hundreds of friends, but he admits feeling even more isolated after spending time online because such virtual connection removes the personal element of communication.

Perhaps most telling about the dwindling state of friendships is college student Justin's reaction to my question of how many friends he has. "Friends or 'friends'?" he asks. "I don't even know what the term means anymore."

Whether it is the proliferation of technology, dearth of time, or a shifting of priorities, polls suggest that Chelsea, Joe and Justin are not alone in their predicament. A 2006 study published in the American Sociological Review found that Americans had on average only two close friends, as opposed three, two decades ago. One in four Americans said they had no one to confide in, compared to one in ten in 1985, while the number of people who depend solely on their spouse went from five to nine percent.

Laura Pappano, author of The Connection Gap, asserts that this lack of connection with people who truly matter to us manifests in an inappropriate search for connection with strangers.