I Was a Secretly Gay Jehovah's Witness: How I Tried to Pray the Gay Away

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Chapter Five, “Masturbation and Homosexuality,” caught my eye.

I had just recently learned about homosexuality from Michael, but I wasn’t familiar with the term masturbation.

In a loud voice, without even leaning over the seat, I asked, “What’s Masturbation?”

I could have stunk up the car with a fart at that moment and no one would have said a word. Grandma King made breathing noises…followed by a glance at Fluffy and a stunned silence…concluded by, “Why don’t you ask your father when you get home?”

Silence can sometimes tell you everything you need to know. It was a simple question. I was only asking for a definition, not a demonstration, before deciding which subject to tackle first…so I opened to the chapter about homos and masturbation and began to read…

Should you experiment with your sex organs? Is there anything wrong with rubbing them in some way until the excitement is climaxed?

This practice is called masturbation. It is very common. Lying and stealing are also common today. Yet you wouldn’t say this makes them natural and proper, would you? The “common” cold is quite universal, but this certainly doesn’t mean that you want it, does it?

Weakly giving in to sexual desires by masturbation will certainly not give you strength when faced with a situation tempting you to commit fornication—or even homosexuality. Just the opposite, it cultivates wrong thinking and wrong desire. In fact, masturbation can lead into homosexuality. In such instances the person, not satisfied with his lonely sexual activity, seeks a partner for mutual sex play.

This happens much more frequently than you may realize. Contrary to what many persons think, homosexuals are not born that way, but their homosexual behavior is learned. And often a person gets started when very young by playing with another’s sexual parts, and then engaging in homosexual acts. (Your Youth—Getting the Best out of It, 1976 p.35,36,39) 

So I prayed a lot. I prayed before breakfast. I was supposed to pray before lunch too, except sometimes I forgot ’cause none of the other kids at school prayed before lunch. So I lied about it when Fluffy asked if I said my prayers at school, and then I had to pray about lying. And we prayed before dinner, too. And we always said a prayer before going to bed at night, ’cause that was the most important one. I prayed every time I thought about masturbation too, and that seemed to be happening an awful lot.

Dear Jehovah God,

We thank you for this day, and we thank you for the food you provided. We thank you for the good association in our congregation, and we pray that you look after the brothers all over the world. And we pray that you help Aunt Karen get better and we thank you for Grandma King. And we pray that your Will be done and that we spend each day in service to you, and we pray that you bring this wicked system to an end soon. And please help me stop the masturbation. And please make my dad and stepmom like me. We ask these things in Jesus’ name,

Amen.

To my way of thinking, The Youth Book was a wonderful and enlightening study guide from Jehovah, and it dropped in my lap on the cusp of puberty, an adolescent problem I didn’t understand. There was an entire chapter devoted to that concept: Chapter Three—Growing Into Manhood. Chapter Three explained my physical changes and the appearance of body hair in private areas.