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How S&M Sex Helped Me Heal from My Rape

Author Jane Devin overcame fear to embrace an unlikely ally.

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BDSM allowed me to take my power back. In shades of grey, I found the light I needed to recover from a traumatic past. I found the freedom to trust myself and others with my vulnerability. In speaking with several other women who have engaged in BDSM, or even made a lifestyle out of it, I’ve learned that my story is not unique at all. Almost every single woman I’ve spoken with on the subject has survived either molestation, rape, or some other trauma. Given that one in five women (or one in six, depending on which studies are read) experience rape in their lifetime, I find this significant.

I have to wonder if perhaps the popularity of Fifty Shades and other BDSM novels isn’t all due to their erotic subject matter. If perhaps, above the appeal of carnal sex, what some women are really lusting for is a kind of reparative, powerful, emotional trust: The assurance that if they let go of hindrances and self-doubts—if they allow themselves to experience a shameless, open, unbridled sexuality and be vulnerable—they will be safe.

In other words, maybe the draw isn’t really man as Master, but men who can be completely trusted.

 

Read more at  http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/social-justice-how-bdsm-helped-a-rape-survivor-recover/#eW3EVL1KDIiuHq4e.99

Jane Devin  is an author and essayist. Her memoir, Elephant Girl, is available in paperback and Kindle versions on Amazon.com. You can Tweet her on  @JaneDevin or follow her on  Facebook. Her next book, a novel, is scheduled for release in March, 2013.

 
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