10 Most Horrendous Meat Concoctions Dished Out in America
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Welcome back to State Fairgasm, our ongoing series where we find the most ridiculous State Fair concoctions from around the US and then say snarky things about them. Today we've got some of the more bizarre meat and meat-adjacent products we've ever seen, and that's a field with some competition.
We begin in the Batshit Crazy Repressive Laws State Copper State (really? It's called the Copper State? Who knew?), where the same minds that brought you deep-fried scorpions are equally hard at work with other animal classes:
1. Smoked Lizard on a Stick (Arizona)
Don't be alarmed, these farm lizards were raised for food purposes. That probably doesn't make it any better. But the fact that the lizards taste like chicken dipped in chocolate might. After having been smoked for 12 hours and smothered in barbecue sauce and chocolate, you won't even recognize the little critter. The treat tastes a little bitter and fishy, however the chocolate makes up a majority of the flavor. Put your fears aside. Indulge.
"Don't be alarmed, these farm lizards were raised for food purposes." THEIR FARM-RAISED VS. WILD-CAUGHT STATUS IS NOT WHY I AM ALARMED, SIR OR MADAM. I'm just trying to comprehend the idea that there's enough of a market for edible reptiles that someone can actually make even a hardscrabble living by farm-raising them, because my brain keeps sending back a series of question marks and exclamation points. There may have been an ampersand in there at one point.
By the way, the reason there's no image above is that we've searched every corner of the internet for one, and we can't find a single picture of these things. I choose to believe this is because Lizard on a Stick is such an abomination that every time someone tries to snap a photo of it, the camera breaks.
2. Chop Dog (Minnesota)
A Kramarczuk all-beef wiener chopped into pieces and grilled until the skin turns crusty. Served original-style, chili dog-style or in a brat-style currywurst.
This has got to be just about the laziest goddamn thing I've ever seen. It just seems like this involved a chef getting really angry and bitter that no one appreciated his genius. "Fuck it, I'll show them a fucking sandwich. Chop up that hot dog and toss it between some thick-ass goddamn Wonderbread. Let's see if the little shits will eat that." The secret ingredient is contempt.
3. Hot Beef Sundae (Iowa)
Ahhh, nothing hits the spot on a hot day at the fair like a sundae. Although if you're at the Iowa State Fair, odds are you'll be diving into a hot beef sundae — which is going to be a decidedly different taste experience than what you might encounter at the local scoop shop. Picture a bowl filled with two scoops of mashed potatoes, surrounded by slow-roasted beef tips, covered with beef gravy, a sprinkling of cheddar cheese and, of course, topped with a touch of cherry tomato. And one big plus for this sundae—no brain freeze upon frenzied scarfing.
While researching this, we discovered a surprising tendency to re-package meats in dessert form, a trend which is frankly baffling. I mean, there's nothing (aside from the tomato) I wouldn't eat here, but it just feels like the Lisa Frank version of a KFC Famous Bowl. Are we 100% sure that's beef, rather than unicorn meat? Because that would make this WAY more appealing.
4. Spam Curds (Minnesota)