The Third Debate: Jesus, Mary, Bob and Joseph! Oh My!

Episode three of a "Gentleman and a Gangsta" – which really ended up being half debate, half Bible study – was enjoyed by myself and other willing and able young bodies at Carol's in Cincinnati, Ohio, hosted by the the 'Nati League of Pissed Off Voters. Last week I watched the debate in Bowling Green, in a bar/family restaurant on the edge of town. Watching the debates in different parts of this crucial state is inspirational. People ask the same questions, laugh at the same faces, start conversations during the same um-ah‚ framed pauses. Kids scream. Oh wait, that's only when the VP shows his face. Anyway!

The content of this last debate was so similar to the previous two debates that I now feel I could produce the talking points verbatim. Actually – that's kind of what you're reading! But rather than merely reiterate the rhetoric, I took this opportunity to create a fun, interactive game.

The Top Ten Most Overused Words in Debate 3!

Which candidate overused which word/s? Answers are below.

1. cargo hold

2. mission of America

3. pay go!

4. hunt and kill

5. armies of compassion

6. afghan warlords!

7. fiscal sanity

8. international world

9. youngsters

10. real alliances

Answer key (no Jebbing! Don't cheat!):

1. Kerry is coocoo for cargo holds!

2. Should we choose to accept it, what exactly is the American mission, Kerry?

3. Kerry got the giggles as Bush went all freestyle rapper on his ass, apparently trying to make "pay as you go‚" rhyme with "leggo," as in "leggo my liberty you dirty liberal!"

4. Kerry is the hunting ex-cop Catholic in the house, and he will take you out. Holla!

5. Dear Karl Rove: if used in a misleading context in past, stolen elections, is the word "compassion‚" eligible in debate-speak?

6. Kerry believes we would have found our revenge-driven thrill in the Tora Bora hills! The assumption here: that Afghan warlords are less trustworthy than American warlords. Well, they do export some of the finest funny "third world" medicine in the world – of which we in America are the number one buyer. But I guess the point is – where in the world is Osama "Can't touch this (poppy field)" bin Laden?

7. Bush, who has taken us from the biggest surplus in history to the biggest deficit, is suddenly concerned with fiscal sanity? I say hell's no – let's go crazy!! Let's go for broke. To quote our president: "Whew!!"

8. What Bob should have asked Bush: Is there, or is there not, a "national world?"

9. Nothing says "I am not up on the issues of youth" as clearly as use of the term "youngsters," Walker.

10. Whiskey libations for my homies in Poland who regrettably had to bounce from the alliance! When Kerry emphasizes the concept of real alliances, it makes me wonder – where my real road dawgs at? If Tony Blair is the only dude who truly has our back, and even he's squirming at this point, then where does Bush turn when he needs a shoulder to place blame on for this failed war?

And now: frequently asked questions from the progressive young crowd in the Nasty Nati (Cincinnati, Ohio):

1. Why do they keep explaining how the debate is gonna work? Is there any chance that green, yellow and red could mean anything other than go, slow, and stop, biatch!

2. So are Bob and George and Kerry all agreed we were safer and more secure during World Wars I, II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War and the Great Depression? If that's safety y'all can just leave me here!

3. So the contaminated medicine comes from England now – and we want medicine from Canada? Bush flips, then he flops. Either way, if you're a strapping young buck just stay healthy, aight?

4. Who taught Bush the word litany? It's like, so the perfect word for how he handles his platform: