Election 2016

Watch: Colbert Perfectly Nails Trump's Insane Reality Show Campaign

America's hottest reality show isn't even halfway over yet, and most of us understand it as well as Donald Trump.

The presidential election is the hottest reality show on TV now, thanks to Donald Trump. On Super Tuesday III, five states voted—Florida, Illinois, Ohio, North Carolina and Missouri.

“And like all sequels, it’s getting predictable and very expensive,” said Late Show host Stephen Colbert on Wednesday. “On the Democratic side, Hillary shut out Bernie five-zip including Florida, and on the Republican side, Donald Trump won four of five states; then delivered a stirring victory tantrum.”

“Nobody has ever, ever, in the history of politics, received the kind of negative advertising as I have,” Trump told the Palm Beach, Florida crowd. “Can you explain it to me, because I can’t, my numbers went up!”

The total illogic of it might be something we can all agree on, for once.

“It might have something to do with the great endorsements Donald’s getting,” Colbert joked. “For instance, former candidate and man always looking directly into the sun Ben Carson, who told this inspiring tale of how he came to support Donald Trump.”

“I have to look at what is practical,” Carson told Newsmax this past Monday, adding, “Is there another scenario that I would have preferred? Yes. But that scenario isn’t available.”

Could creepy Cruz stop dangerous Donald?

"That is a rough endorsement,” Colbert said, comparing Carson’s desperation to a late night of binge drinking: “I tell you what, the bar’s about to close, you’re not getting any younger and neither am I. Let’s get married.”

There was still one state Trump didn’t win, Ohio, which went to its governor, John Kasich. For someone making a pretty bold claim in his victory speech, you’d think he’d have won other states by now.

“We’re gonna go all the way to Cleveland and secure the Republican nomination,” Kasich told supporters in Berea, Ohio.

"To secure the nomination in Cleveland this summer, Kasich would have to get 116% of the remaining delegates," Colbert pointed out. "We’d have to make him governor of every remaining state, plus some states that we don’t even have yet! He’s looking very good in North Kentucksylvania and Massachippissippi.”  

“There’s only one Republican candidate left who can stop Donald Trump,” Colbert said, referring to Ted "Creepy Stepdad" Cruz. “Then the GOP establishment can say, Goodbye candidate we don’t like. Hello candidate we can’t stand!”


Alexandra Rosenmann is an AlterNet associate editor. Follow her @alexpreditor.

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