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10 Big Surprises in Store For Tea Partiers Fleeing to Canada if Obama Wins

At least their Prime Minister will be white.

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6. Pam Geller Is Illegal in Canada

Those Tea Partiers are going to be pretty shocked at this, via Wikipedia:

Hate speech laws in Canada include provisions in the Criminal Code of Canada, provisions in the Human Rights Act and in other federal legislation, and statutory provisions in each of Canada's ten provinces and three territories. The Criminal Code prohibits "hate propaganda." The Canadian Human Rights Act prohibits discrimination on various grounds, and forbids the posting of hateful or contemptuous messages on the Internet.

Feel the liberty!

7. Canucks Can't Shoot Straight

Or maybe something else is going on. While the homicide rate in the U.S. is twice that of Canada's, down here we're 15 times more likely to use handguns to kill each other.

Seriously, Canadians are just un-American.

8. Celine Dion Is a Superstar Up There

Enough said.

Late Update: A mob of furious Canadians has gathered outside our offices with signs saying, 'We hate Celine Dion,' and "Celine Who?' Some are burning American flags. 

We got this one terribly wrong and, in the interests of diffusing tensions, we would like to take this opportunity to apologize for our values.

8. As Soon As You Cross the Border, Your Opposite-Sex Marriage Is Ruined

Canada made same-sex couples into first-class citizens way back in 2005, thus ruining traditional marriage for everyone else. 

9. You Can Work and Raise a Family, Just Like In Communist China

Americans know the importance of hard work and family values, which is why, according to Harvard's Project on Global Working Families, the United States is one of only four countries out of 173 studied that doesn't mandate some form of paid maternity leave. It's the American way! (And also the Liberian Way, the Papua New Guinean Way and the Swazilandian Way!)

But, sad to say, Canadians live under a tyrannical and oppressive scheme that allows new moms to take between 17 and 52 weeks of leave from their jobs, and be guaranteed the same salary when they return. Even worse, the gummint pays them to sit on their pregnant or new-mom asses for up to 15 weeks, doing nothing.

10. ZOMG, They Have The Worst Thing in The World!!

Imagine, in your thirst for freedom, you flee the abomination that is Obamacare, only to discover that you've landed in a country with universal health-care that gets similar health-care outcomes for a little over half as much money per person ( EXCEL).

As any tea Partier knows, this is qualitatively similar to working 20 hour days in a North Korean coal mine for a few grains of rice and maybe a scrap of greasy rat-meat.  

Anyway, guys, we're all wishing you a safe journey!

Joshua Holland is Senior Digital Producer at BillMoyers.com, and host of Politics and Reality Radio. He's the author of The 15 Biggest Lies About the Economy. Drop him an email or follow him on Twitter

 
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