DURST: Jerry Falwell, the Real Degenerate

By Will Durst, deleted. Posted April 26, 2000.

For reasons known only to him and his best bud God, the Reverend Jerry
Falwell thinks Ellen Degeneres should be called Ellen Degenerate. Why?
Because she advocates the overthrow of Democracy as we know it? No. Because she hurts other people on purpose? No. Because she rubs fish eggs into her armpits before eating mashed potatoes with her fingers while riding a unicycle naked through a children's petting zoo? No.

The reason the good Rev thinks Ellen is a degenerate is because her head faces the other way when she has sex. I'm sure she also has the audacity to read books, rather than Book. She probably eats sandwiches that aren't pressed turkey breast on white bread with mayonnaise as well. And for this she should be held up to public ridicule? Personally, I think a clergyman who panders to the petty prejudices of what he considers a narrow minded flock is the real degenerate. To be perfectly honest, most of us married folks tire quickly of people being defined by their sexual preference. Gay sex, straight sex, sex with tiny feathered barnyard animals bound in leather restraints, it's
all the same to us; a vague half formed memory of times past. Face it, God is an orgasm, and he/ she/ it doesn't care how which path we take to
heaven, Reverend.

Risking sounding cliched, Will Durst says to Ellen: "You go girl!"

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