Stories by Will Durst
Will Durst is a political comic, syndicated columnist, AM radio talk show host and defense liability.
Political comic Will Durst debuts on AlterNet with some
thoughts on Bill Clinton's long-awaited veto, and the possible
advantages of the disappearing ozone layer.
Posted on Apr 26, 2000, Source: deleted
"The former spokesmurf, George Stephanopoulos, claims to be shocked to find out Bill was a big liar. Considering George was in Presidential politics, this sounds like the guy who cleans elephant cages professing to be confused by the amount of manure he has to work with."
Posted on Apr 26, 2000, Source: deleted
"The American people love tax cuts. That was the Republican reasoning for trying to gut Medicare to the tune of $268 billion and offset it with tax cuts. Well, let's catalogue more things the American people want ..."
Posted on Apr 26, 2000, Source: deleted
"Al Gore simply favors the death penalty, while Pat Buchanan thinks it should be applied to anybody who makes fun of his sister's hair. George W says he wants to strengthen it. What the hell does that mean? Does he plan on administering it twice? Have do-overs? Fake-outs?"
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"Vito Seskunas of Baltimore was skiing in the back country of Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park when he broke his ankle, then slid and crawled 5 miles over three days to reach help. You know, you never hear of stuff like this happening to people going to the multiplex."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"Why do I have this sneaking suspicion that if a judge ruled Elian Gonzales should be sliced in half with both Miami and Cuba receiving equal portions, both parties would scramble over their mothers in baseball cleats to sign the custody agreement?"
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"Q. How long is your average commute to work? A. Eighteen hours. Three bridges, four buses, two shuttles, a rickshaw and then I get dragged by a team of diseased goats for the last block."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"In Boston, attempting to unseat 37-year Democratic Senate veteran Edward Kennedy, Republican contender Jack E. Robinson III has issued an 11 page report detailing all the dirt he and his staff could dig up on ... himself. "
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"According to scientists at the German University of Ulm, men have better hypocampuses than women, which makes us better navigators, with a much more developed sense of direction. And there you were swearing you could hear the shrinking of our genitals over the unfolding of every map."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"George W and John McCain probably share the same loving alliance that bonds Bradley and Gore. Not to mention what Reagan and Bush felt for each other and Kennedy and Johnson too. Strange Bedfellows, my ass. This is more like Alien Shipmates."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"I think I've come up with a title for the Democratic Primary: 'Valium Thunderdome.' So I guess we need a title for the Republican Primary. How about: 'Chameleonic Toads on Ice With Results.'"
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"'Once again its time to play; 'Who's The Bigot?' When Governor Bush recently spoke at Bob Jones University, who'd he defame more: A. Jews. B. Blacks. C. Catholics. D. Canadians?"
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"'Hey, leap day is coming! Leap day is coming!' Then it came. No candy. No presents. No nothing. Not even green beer."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"Here we are, in year 13 of the Elian standoff, and the little tyke of offshore rescue fame still has his own TV channel and 207 official websites."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
"Hello, my name is Christian Connor. I am six years old, and I am seeking asylum -- in Paris, where they have chocolate crescent rolls as big as my head."
Posted on Apr 1, 2000, Source: AlterNet
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