Is Sex Addiction B.S.?

Posted by Dr. Belisa Vranich, Huffington Post at 9:19 PM on September 5, 2008.

All week long I've had emails with a variation of the following:

"Am I a slut or do I have a sex addiction?"

Rather that give you just my opinion, I gathered some friends and colleagues -- experts in the field of sex in one way or another -- to get their takes to see if we could come to some consensus.

I certainly do not view sex addiction as a "disease" that requires 12 steps to cure. Apparently, I fit all the criteria for having a bona fide sex addiction to a T, except for one crucial element: shame. It is this one little horrific emotion that drives millions of so-called sex addicts to spend exponential amounts of money in therapy every year, and just as many to seek support in groups and addiction programs. This shame stems from the fact that many so-called sexual deviants are slapped with the label "sex addict" when there is, in fact, absolutely nothing wrong with liking porn, or anal sex, or spending an evening with a call girl. I don't even think there is anything wrong with using sex to deal with your emotions -- after all, there is some truth to the saying, "let's work it out in bed." Maybe what we need are groups to heal our shame around sex, rather than programs that only serve to reinforce our neuroses.

-- Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D. prostitute/porn star turned sexologist & educator

You may well be a slut, but that would be a morality call, not generally the purview of a psychiatrist. A sex addict is someone with a maladaptive predilection for escalating sexual engagement, despite an awareness of the negative consequences of such risky behaviors. A sex-addict tends to jones for sex much like a crack-addict for the rock, despite a conscious understanding of the downsides: physical risks, loss of relationships, and a kind of social developmental stunting. A sex-addict loses power to their addiction. The brand of "slut" typically implies that said slut is aware of her actions and is working it. All that said, it's apples and oranges (maybe bananas), as sex-addict is a psychiatric diagnosis and slut is a morality-based judgment.

-- Greg Dillon, MD, Lower Fifth Psychiatric, New York City

Call yourself a slut, regardless of what you are doing. If you have a sex addiction you are a sex-o-holic, and no one wants to hang out with a sex-o-holic ... but everyone wants to be friends with a slut. In fact, everyone wants to BE a slut these days. "Slut" has become a very glamorous term. I mean really, there are belts and tee-shirts and hats that are sold in the stores that say "slut" on them in bling-bling ish sort of letters. You can't find swag that says "sex-o-holic" on it so why the hell would I want to identify with that?

-- Joanna Angel, Director & Porn Star

If I had to chose between the two, I'd rather call myself a slut. My love and preoccupation with sex has lead to "drama" in my relationships only when I felt obligated to monogamy out of social expectations. Once I embraced my more "poly-amorous" or non-traditional feelings about sex the happier my sex life has become. We are all sexual beings and no two beings express their sexuality exactly the same. It only looks alike because of our socialization. Monogamy is not natural. It is a choice. A choice that makes sense if that's your desire. When it's more your family, culture, or community's demand then we got problems. Sex addiction is real, but methinks the public protest too loudly 'round the topic when their spouse or sexual partners don't adhere to the popular expectations. The more honest we are about how we like our sex the less time, and money, will be spent in clinics and courtrooms.

-- Mo Beasley, Author and Sexuality Educator

In the simplest terms, who's in control? You or the Hungry Kitty between your legs? If you find yourself being dragged around town by your G-string, then you may be addicted to the wham bam, thank you ma'am. Do you find you can't make rational decisions about who you're sleeping with? Do you regret more often than not who gets to worship your womb? Girls that are just horny can get that "itch" scratched and move on but those who are addicted never seem to feel like they've had enough, often feeling emptier after a sexual encounter than before they started.

-- Lora Somoza, sex educator & advice columnist

Maybe a composite of all is best? Here's mine given these answers:

If you are in control, have no shame, and practice non-monogamy with honor, then you can proudly call yourself a slut, eschew the condemning "addict" label, and steer clear of the 12 steps (for this one at least).

*all fun aside, for clinical guidelines on sex addiction please go here.

Tagged as: sexuality, sex addiction, promiscuity