Nudists Endorse TSA Body Scanners: "If Travelers Just Think Of [It] As a Virtual Skinny-Dip ... Everyone Wins!"

If you're feeling a little paralyzed from the overwhelming tragedy of the catastrophe in Haiti, allow me to distract you for a minute with a silly, perhaps predictable, story.

Huffington Post reports today that, for all the controversy being generated by the new body scanners in the works for the TSA, one group is enthusiastically endorsing them. No, it's not some national security think tank or conservative lobbying firm; the latest organization to come out in favor of subjecting travelers to x-rays that reveal rather intricate details of their bodies is the American Association for Nude Recreation.

In a January 7th release titled "Nudists Agree: Airport Scanning that ‘Takes It Off’ is Good for America," AANR Executive Director Erich Schuttauf argues that full body scanners are a great way for Americans to loosen up.

Behold the logic:

Polls regularly show that about one in five North Americans have skinny-dipped in mixed company already. So if travelers just think of the screen as a virtual skinny-dip, something regarded as American as apple pie since before Norman Rockwell, everyone wins in the name of better air travel security. And as an added bonus, you can add the experience to your ‘bucket list’ as a virtual dipping of one’s toe into taking a Nakation -- that’s a nudist vacation!”

Now, before you shout "what on earth is he talking about?" or "who the hell asked him, anyway?" remember, the AANR is, according to itself, "the credible voice of reason on issues relevant to nude recreation and Nakationing in appropriate settings." Apparently, this includes our nation's airports.

It's hard to imagine even dedicated nudists truly believe themselves to be "credible voices of reason" on issues of national security. (And even the most dedicated AANR member might understand why standing in a security line could not, under any circumstances, be considered a vacation of any kind.) The AANR's endorsement of full body scanners -- on the bizarre notion that national security and hedonism can somehow go hand in hand -- is a truly strange example of the way in which any group with an agenda can seize on a government gimmick to serve its needs. It's also ironic:  If nudists consider themselves to be defending some natural right to be clothes-free, they might consider the broader liberties at stake when Americans unthinkingly submit to such invasive searches under the banner of national security. (Also, the AANR's focus on "North Americans" is, obviously, pretty telling.)

My advice to the AANR: Keep doing your thing, go back to promoting nudity and "Nakations." But don't try to tell us that the TSA will help us all love our bodies or commune with nature or whatever. It's enormously silly. I wonder if you actually believe it...

Okay, done wondering. Carry on.