Awesome Beyond Words: An American Carol

Posted by Brad , Sadly, No! at 7:16 AM on August 14, 2008.

David Weigel, who has long been one of this blog's libertarian pals, fills us in on a movie that is going to kick your ass so hard that your ass will end up thinking it's your face. Does that not make sense? Too bad! Get a load of An American Carol:

I'm holding a palm card that was just given out at the Heritage Foundation to promote the new David Zucker film An American Carol. If I fill out the card, I can take one of four pledges, such as "Yes, I will send the trailer to my contacts" and "Yes, I want to be AN AMERICAN CAROLER or THEATER CAPTAIN." It's an induction to a movement, as the slogan on the card makes clear: "Finally, a movie for us."

[...]

In it, filmmaker Michael Malone (Kevin "brother of Chris" Farley) and his organization MoveAlong.org are trying to repeal the Fourth of July when three angels -- the Angel of Death, George S. Patton, and George Washington -- come to him and convince him to change his ways.

(The wingnut awesomeness continues after the flip)

[...]

In a scene that Sokoloff described, but didn't bring, Patton and his soldiers storm a courthouse that's about to remove the Ten Commandments and start opening fire on the people trying to stop them. "You can't shoot these people!" Malone says. "They're not people!" says Patton. "They're the ACLU!" At this point we see that the ACLU members are unkillable George Romero zombies.

Details about the movie were kept secret, on purpose, until this month. In February, it was reported that Kelsey Grammar would be Scrooge in the new movie. He's actually playing the ghost of George Patton, and Jon Voight is playing George Washington. In a clip we saw, Washington takes Malone to St. Paul's Cathedral to lecture him on freedom of religion and "freedom of speech, which you abuse." Malone is grossed out by dust in the priest's box, so the doors open onto the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. "This is the dust of 3000 innocent human beings!" bellows Washington. Malone whimpers that he's just making movies. Washington won't have it. "Is that what you plan to say on Judgment Day?"

This is going to be the Film Event of the Year, friends. Wingnut attempts at comedy are akin to when a creepy 11-year-old kid tries to put the moves on his best friend's hot 18-year-old sister: it's awkward and it's embarrassing, but it will also provide everyone who watches with hours of unintentional laughs.

Who wants to book tickets with me?

Tagged as: wingnuts, heritage foundation, jon voight, kelsey grammar, david zucker, an american carol

Brad is a regular blogger for Sadly No!.