Same-Sex Marriages Are More Egalitarian

Posted by Jill Filipovic, Feministe at 2:26 PM on June 10, 2008.

Are same-sex marriages emotionally healthier for those involved?

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Socialized gender differences are bad for marriage:

Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.
While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.
“Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not only in the house but in the relationship,” said Esther D. Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University. “That’s very different than what same-sex couples and heterosexual men live with.”

But there is hope — it just requires dropping gender-essentialist ideas:

The findings suggest that heterosexual couples need to work harder to seek perspective. The ability to see the other person’s point of view appears to be more automatic in same-sex couples, but research shows that heterosexuals who can relate to their partner’s concerns and who are skilled at defusing arguments also have stronger relationships.
One of the most common stereotypes in heterosexual marriages is the “demand-withdraw” interaction, in which the woman tends to be unhappy and to make demands for change, while the man reacts by withdrawing from the conflict. But some surprising new research shows that same-sex couples also exhibit the pattern, contradicting the notion that the behavior is rooted in gender, according to an abstract presented at the 2006 meeting of the Association for Psychological Science by Sarah R. Holley, a psychology researcher at Berkeley.
Dr. Levenson says this is good news for all couples.
“Like everybody else, I thought this was male behavior and female behavior, but it’s not,” he said. “That means there is a lot more hope that you can do something about it.”

Tagged as: marriage, lgbt

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How is that a BLTwG partner can't refuse sex or discuss a relationship? [Report this comment] Posted by: ABetterFuture on Jun 11, 2008 10:30 AM Current rating: 1 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent] and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship... ...With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, Just curious as to why homosexual's are barred from saying "no" or contemplating a relationship? My understanding is that "gay" doesn't necessarily mean "happy for you to please come in" all the time. [« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5] Three words [Report this comment] Posted by: idmaster2000 on Jun 11, 2008 8:12 PM Current rating: Not yet rated [1 = poor; 5 = excellent] Lesbian Bed Death [« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5] If you haven't tried it, don't knock it. [Report this comment] Posted by: WWMD on Jun 11, 2008 10:06 PM Current rating: 5 [1 = poor; 5 = excellent] I have gay and lesbian relatives. I have gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances. Some are married, but most are single. None of them have ever been in a serious heterosexual relationship. I support their lifestyle decisions, and I occasionally feel sorrow for their solitariness. I have spent the last 29 years of my life in a traditional marriage with a wonderful woman who is the love of my life. Our marriage has certainly had its trials and lows, but because we truly love each other, we've endured and grown together and individually. I cannot judge or compare the quality of my traditional marriage with that of a same-sex marriage. Similarly, people in same-sex marriages cannot compare the quality of traditional marriages. However, the thesis of the article, that gay marriages are more gender-equal than straight marriages, is lame. Gay marriages are gender-identical. Straight marriages are gender-different. The equality of the relationship has nothing to do with the sexual orientation of the spouses. It has to do with the expectations that each person brings to the relationship. In a marriage, somebody has to do the laundry and somebody has to vacuum the floors. In most straight marriages, both partners split the work according to various factors such as availability of time, aptitude, strength, etc. The plumbing set of the spouse who takes on a particular job is not really a consideration unless your talking about breastfeeding the baby. Otherwise, both spouses typically do split the work. I see in the news that society is trying to move towards civil equality for all people, which is why the judiciaries of our nation are ruling in favor of gay marriages. Today, gays and lesbians are opening a new territory for American society to settle. Twenty years from now it will be the premise for boring sitcoms. Twenty years from now, gays and lesbians will come to realize that marriage isn't so much about civil rights and social equality as it is about making a life together with another human being that you love above all others. When they make that realization, they will realize that all the talk about "gender-equality" making gay marriages somehow 'superior' to traditional marriages is lame. Until you've been married, you really can't appreciate what it means to be married. That's life. Maritally blissful, WWMD [« Reply to this comment] [Post a new comment »] [Rate this comment: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5]

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