Vatican Releases New Mortal Sins, Includes Stem Cell Research

Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville at 3:01 PM on March 10, 2008.

Hey, kids, gather around! The Vatican has come up with some more stuff we can't do!

Vatican lists new hip, modern sins

The Vatican has unveiled some new sins for the 21st Century, such as genetic manipulation, pollution and social injustice.

Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, the Vatican's number-two official for sins and penance, told L'Osservatore Romano that he saw bioethics as posing the greatest risks for the human soul.

"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control," he told the Vatican's official newspaper on Sunday in an interview headlined "New Forms of Social Sin."

The Roman Catholic Church has previously spoken out against stem cell research that requires the destruction of human embryos, believing that life begins at conception.

Girotti also attacked drugs, saying they "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence."

On the growing gap between rich and poor, he said it causes "an unbearable social injustice."

Pope Benedict has made several strong statements on the environment in recent months, saying problems like climate change had become critical to humanity's future.

Catholicism has two basic types of sin: Venial, which are relatively less important and forgivable, and mortal. Those can include acts like abortion and murder, although the church doesn't keep a well-defined list.

Mortal sins can cause a person to go to Hell unless confessed to a priest, who then absolves the sinner in God's name.

First of all, I'm shocked there's nothing about piercings, tattoos, or wearing jeans too low, because those things really seem to piss off older folks like archbishops and popes. But, anyway, let's review:

"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control,"

Ok, this one is cool because most of us aren't scientists, and scientists themselves don't believe this stuff anyway. Plus they don't say anything about being "cured" from stem cells or anything like that. You see, the Pope is a lot like that lady from PETA who uses insulin while denouncing all use of animals for medical purposes. They talk a good game, but when they're sick, they just want a cure and don't care if it came from baby tears.

Girotti also attacked drugs, saying they "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence."

Well, duh. We wouldn't expect someone like Girotti to understand the soothing elements of mind-weakening and intelligence-obscuring, anyway. Now go back and enjoy your wine, Archbishop.

On the growing gap between rich and poor, he said it causes "an unbearable social injustice."

Wouldn't it just rock to see the Pope show up somewhere with a Che Guevara, shirt? I mean, he'd be a total poser, but it would be cool.

Pope Benedict has made several strong statements on the environment in recent months, saying problems like climate change had become critical to humanity's future.

Quick, someone call Captain Ed and the folks at National Review Online! Al Gore has gotten to the Pope!

I just love the end of the article though:

Catholicism has two basic types of sin: Venial, which are relatively less important and forgivable, and mortal. Those can include acts like abortion and murder, although the church doesn't keep a well-defined list.

Mortal sins can cause a person to go to Hell unless confessed to a priest, who then absolves the sinner in God's name.

Damn, when you see this stuff actually written down, you really see the ridiculousness of it, don't you. I wonder if you commit a mortal sin, and then confess it to a priest who just molested a small child, you'll still be free from Hell (always capitalize "Hell").

Anyway, what it all comes down to this: tithe, you heathens, tithe!!

Tagged as: pollution, stem cell research, catholicism, catholic church

William K. Wolfrum is a regular blogger for Shakesville