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Cell phones & teen abuse

Posted by Evan Derkacz at 6:40 AM on February 13, 2007.


Vanessa Valenti: Sure, but is restriction the answer?
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This guest post was written by Vanessa Valenti.

Recent studies have shown that among teenagers, cell phones can be a very useful tool for abusers to control their partners. Abusers can have their partners constantly accessible to them, whether it be via text or by simply calling them. According to some findings:

20 to 30 percent of teens who had been in relationships said their partner had harassed, insulted or made unwanted requests for sexual activity via cell phones or texts.
One out of four reported hourly contact with a dating partner between midnight and 5 a.m. -- in some cases, 30 times per hour.
One out of 10 received physical threats electronically.

This also includes Instant Messenger. Scary stuff, but I had a problem with this snippet:

As communication technology has become pervasive, 'teen dating abuse has skyrocketed,' says Jill Murray, an author of several books on the subject and a psychotherapist in Laguna Niguel, Calif. She's seen a case of a teen logging more than 9,000 cellphone calls and text messages monthly. The attention seems flattering at first, she says, but later a girl or boy 'feels smothered and doesn't know how to get out.' Dr. Murray says parents have an obligation 'to limit cellphone and computer use to something reasonable.' She advises blocking the computer and taking away cellphones overnight.

I don't know if restricting a victim from using their phone or computer is going to stop abuse. In fact, that could exacerbate a situation where an abuser could see it as a lack of response and decide to take physical action against the victim. Obviously no form of abuse is okay, but you can't just take away a victim's phone and assume the abuse will cease (especially when it could make it even worse).

Thoughts?

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Tagged as: feminism, relationships, dating, teens

Vanessa Valenti is an editor at Feministing.


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Another Childish Argument
Posted by: Stayne on Feb 13, 2007 9:02 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Why is it that when adults discuss problems with technology that seems to exacerbate certain teenage behaviours, removal of the technology is the first solution? Personally, I think it is completely the wrong idea. Restricting a teenager's privileges because of the actions of another who is in the wrong will fuck up the victim's sense of justice. Basically, they will see that they're being punished twice. Also, removing the technology will not change the behaviour. Just because the stalkers seem to be more active because of the cellular phones does not mean their actions will stop if the phones are restricted. I see it as another case of curing the symptom and not the disease. It is the stalker's behaviour that needs to be rectified.

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Don't blame the kids, blame the parents
Posted by: christenxx on Feb 13, 2007 9:17 AM   
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I agree with the above comment - taking away the technology is not the answer. When I was in high school, we didn't have cell phones or computer IM, but the kids always found a way. What needs to be done about abusive relationships between teens is the responsibility of their parents, not the responsibility of cell phones, myspace, or other technolgical advances. When your son or daughter becomes mature enough to handle a romantic relationship with another person, the mother or father or other mentor-like adult needs to sit down with that teenager and discuss in detail acceptable behaviours in "adult" relationships. This might include topics such as not pressuring the other person for sex or attention, giving the other person adequate "alone" time, respecting their thoguhts and feelings, respecting the other person's family and familial rules, and just generally how to be a strong, self-respecting and compassionate romantic partner to another human being. Parents who ignore this milestone in their teen's life may unwittingly spawn rude, abusive, or "psycho" habits; or create a "victim" mentality or co-dependant tendencies, that will cause the teen to have problems creating healthy and open relationships for the rest of their adult life.

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» a conversation? Posted by: kathat
Cell phones should be taken away from kids...but not for this reason.
Posted by: rcox on Feb 13, 2007 9:31 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While the concern about cell phones being used as a harassment tool is certainly legitimate, it's not the biggest potential danger of cell phones. There is a growing body of evidence that electromagnetic waves that are beamed right next to your brain could cause brain tumors, early on-set alzheimers, and other cognitive impairments. It's for this reason some experts say cell phones should not be given to minors, as their brains are still developing. There is still scientific debate on this, but until that debate is resolved, people who use cell phones excessively, or give them to their kids, are unwitting participants in a huge experiment that they might not like the results of years down the line.

Having survived until about a year ago without a cell, I can assure you that cell phones are not "essential" for kids, and are used much more than necessary by adults.

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It's the lack of parenting, dummy!
Posted by: Steven Wanzell on Feb 13, 2007 11:36 AM   
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Parents haven't a clue who their kids are communicating with, or to what ends. They insist on placing the blame elsewhere, rather than owning up to their responsibilities. This isn't rocket science, folks.

steven wanzell
wanzellarts.com.ar

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Let the parents restrict phone use
Posted by: Mamacita on Feb 13, 2007 12:05 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If you want the parent's to take responsibility, give them the means to do it. I'm a parent of two teens. I've seen abuse already via dependent girlfriends (yes, that's right) who think someone should be available to them at all hours. Boundaries and limits are what the teen years are about. They need to know how to manage their time, have appropriate boundaries in relationships, how to prioritize, how to recognize friend vs. foe, etc., etc. Parents are the ones to do this. I banned IM when homework wasn't getting done. No cellphones on after bedtime. Turn off the phone when you are studying, etc. If we don't teach them, they won't just magically learn.

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