Newt and Tom: Jumping the Shark

Posted by Sarah Posner at 7:30 PM on December 18, 2006.

If there were a Hollywood Squares of disgraced Washington figures, a tic-tac-toe of celebrity graft artists and campaign finance money launderers, of course Tom DeLay would occupy the center square. That would be the one where Paul Lynde often limp-wristed his way through half an hour of nonsense and guffawing, making people think that he was an actual celebrity, rather than a washed-up has-been with no other employment prospects.

Imagine DeLay in the spot, smiling his smarmy smile and waving to his supporters (whoever they are). He's been indicted, disgraced, forced to resign. The whole corrupt enterprise of Congress under the Hammer has been exposed as crooked, bringing down members of Congress, lobbyists, good friends and former staffers -- even one of DeLay's. Yet he's jumping the shark with his blog, affiliated with a new organization with the very silly acronym of GAIN (Grassroots Action and Information Network), through which he hopes to "keep our elected officials true to principle." DeLay, who has been known enjoy a messianic glow while portraying himself as a martyr unjustifiably persecuted by his enemies, is actually just self-parody made flesh. The only grassroots DeLay has ever cared about are those holding the tidy lawn in place where he plays golf.

For conservatives whose heads are buried sometime in the last century, if not before, DeLay has some competition from Newt Gingrich, who claims not to be running for president, but what else was he doing on Meet the Press today? He insists this isn't about him -- ha! -- or his presidential prospects. He says he's trying to revitalize the conservative movement. Good luck to him, a bunch of moralizing marriage meddlers will really take to the guy who's been divorced twice, had affairs with staffers, and even ditched one wife on her deathbed. Tim Russert asked him about those things, and just how he managed to pursue Bill Clinton's impeachment with such zeal when his closet was so full of skeletons. Newt dodged the question (unchallenged by Russert) by giving an extended lecture on how he understands what testifying under oath means, and he's never perjured himself. So it was really OK for him to try bring Clinton down, because it was really about the perjury and not the blow job.

But Gingrich promised to be nicer, even though he called the ACLU unpatriotic and "suicidal," campaign finance regulation "stunningly absurd" and proposed shutting down websites that are "jihadist" (no explanation of what that means). He's so nice, I can't believe anyone thought he was a meanie! Times have changed, he insisted, and he's not going to be mean anymore like he was back in the '90s, because, see, now, as compared to then, America's future is at stake.

So that's his new gig. No more Mr. Meanie. He really loves America this time. But Newt, Miss Circle and Mr. X think you're bluffing.

Tagged as: conservatives, delay, gingrich

Sarah Posner is an investigative journalist whose work has appeared on Alternet, The American Prospect, The Gadflyer, and in other publications.