Jonah Goldberg Blames Liberals for Birther Conspiracy

Posted by Thers, Whiskey Fire at 5:00 AM on August 7, 2009.

So now we know who's behind the Obama birther conspiracy: Barack Hussein Obama, of course. Or at least so Jonah Goldberg informs us. It is all a sinister plot, you see, to "tar Republicans as extremists."  Because only a sinister plot could ever possibly make Republicans look like extremists.

Aside from some burritos left out in the August sun too long, Jonah was inspired by something emanating from Jamie Kirchik, whose entire function in this life is aptly summed up here. BT disposes of the "wee iz not burthurs wee iz gee-oh-pee" stuff in his distinctive idiom, though, you know, you could have also just checked to see if you've ever been awake in the past year, something Jonah Goldberg probably could not honestly claim.

But he does attempt the "I know you are but what am I" maneuver, because "smelt it dealt it" is about what he's capable of. The Howard Dean stuff you can read about in more detail than Jonah bothers with here. Then there is the reminder that Michael Moore is fat:

For the record, Jonah Goldberg has written things, all of which are dumb. And checking the "record," the idea that Bush knew where Bin Laden was and then decided to fuck around in Iraq is not even controversial. Note the Jonah Goldberg link-lack here.

Not controversial either. Except for the "ulterior motives" part -- there was no "ulterior" motive. They were too stupid for that sort of shit. Bush and his administration wanted war and got war, which is what people who really want war always get.

And then Jonah Goldberg has the balls, idly scratched, to mention Hurricane Katrina as an example of how The Left wigged out. Gracious.

Meanwhile, on the other hand, and this is the essential point -- this is Jonah Goldberg trying to explain how His Side is Not Crazy. Why, he says, even Ann Coulter and Pat Buchanan aren't crazy, and you know how crazy they are!

Honestly, he says that. Without even a twitch of the jaw as he tongues his cud.

He thinks he's people. We're just measuring his methane.

WF: You have a feather sticking out your ass.

JG: No! You do! You're wrong!

WF: Wait... you have TWO feathers sticking out your ass.

JG: So you admit you're wrong! Blook a blook a boo!

MORE. Forgot to mention, if you track down Jonah's scattershot links far enough, you get to an Authoritative Statement featuring the phrase "according to Laurie Mylroie..."

Which is what it is. Funny, scary, clownish, as you like it.

MAS. Sorry. Forgot the leprechaun.

FINALLY. Actually, this is beyond free clip-art dancing leprechauns. WE ARE IN ASIA. I know this is a serious step, but I sincerely believe we've crossed a line here.

Tagged as: gop, conservatives, jonah goldberg, birthers

Thers runs Whiskey Fire.