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Guest Post by John McCain: 'My Secret Plan to Fix the Economy'

Posted by General JC Christian, Jesus' General at 6:08 AM on July 14, 2008.


McCain's been reaching out over at the General's place, and we're bringing you the latest.

Sen. McCain Joins us again to announce another in a series of his secret plans to improve upon Our Leader's greatest achievements.

Thank you, General. I'm finding that this electrical typing pamphlet thingy is one of my most effective methods of communication. It even beats the hell out of the Hannity show I do on the Marconi wireless thingy.

Yesterday, I announced my plan to fix the economy by the end of my first term. I didn't release much in the way of details, because it's a secret plan, just like my secret plan to capture Osama bin Laden by eradicating the immoral salmon.

The reason my plan is so secret is because it doesn't use numbers. People don't like that. They say it's insane not to use numbers as the basis of an economic plan. I disagree. I think of it as being a bold gambit, a demonstration of the kind of strong leadership I will exercise as your president. Much like the leadership the current president demonstrated when he invaded Iraq to show a handful of Saudi terrorists and his father that he means business.

Anyway, without numbers, I have very little to work with beyond a number of paradigm-breaking ideas involving Mary Kay Cosmetics, Nigerian bank transactions and leprechaun gold. My advisers tell me not to talk about those ideas. They say people won't understand the complexities of my "Cunts for Prosperity," "Overly Polite Emails For Economic Recovery," and "End of the Rainbow" initiatives. That's why we decided to make it a secret plan -- or a mostly secret plan anyway. I say "mostly secret" because I have released a piece of it, the part I call the "Victory Initiative".

The Victory Initiative will stimulate the economy by injecting it with the money we save after I declare a secret victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. Granted, it may not be a lot of money -- we'll still need to pay for the mopping up operations our soldiers will conduct there for the next 100 years -- but hell, we can squeeze out a little more money by cutting veterans health and education benefits. After all, secret victory requires sacrifice.

AlterNet is a non profit organization and does not make political endorsements. The opinions expressed by our writers are their own.

Digg!

Tagged as: mccain, satire


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mc same
Posted by: john mont on Jul 14, 2008 7:48 AM   
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Fix the economy !!YEA RIGHT!!Like Bush fixed our economy!

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» RE: mc same Posted by: Vik
LET THEM EAT CAKE
Posted by: james2021 on Jul 14, 2008 8:21 AM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Per Phil Grahm, the weasel who let the banks take over the vault, There is no problem with the economy, Grahm is doing just fine, no problem for him, or McSame for that matter.
Meanwhile, massive job custs are on the horizon, Oil is $143 a barrel, and Gas is $4.00 per gallon. No problem for the fatcat Republicans.

And the Repuglican propaganda machine at Fox Funnies, will keep telling us how well off we are.

All the criminals need to be crucified on the Mall for thier crimes, need to set an example for the rest of them.

Seems like there is no punishment for white collar criminals, after all, its only MONEY. Its not like they killed anyone. (4,000 + deaths in IRAQ, for OIL.

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liberalyours
Posted by: liberalyours on Jul 14, 2008 12:21 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
what I am worried about in McCains head is post traumatic stress disorder. after all he was a prisoner of war and tortured. unless he has a genetic link to batman, spiderman, superman and supreme beings he has PTSD. I have not heard about him getting therapy or taking medications. Do we want an unmedicated, untreated President or do we want a medicated and treated President? I dont recall the name of the Dem candidate who was drummed out of the race for a history of depression. where are the swift boaters to open up discussion on McCania?? untreated PTSD festers and explodes if untreated. could ptsd have something to do with his unchecked temper and him calling his wife a trollup and a cunt?? I would not vote for that kind of man or the kind of woman who would take it for dog catcher!!

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The Reincarnation of Dick Nixon
Posted by: FoonTheElder on Jul 14, 2008 5:30 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
And if he also has a secret plan to get us out of Iraq, he will be the reincarnation of Dick Nixon.

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