Sports Hotshots Can Rob, Rape and Pillage ... But Smoke Pot and They're Screwed

Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville at 5:52 AM on February 4, 2009.

Brazilian soccer superstar Robinho was arrested for sexual assault last week.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Syracuse University starting guard Eric Devendorf allegedly hit a female student in the face, but faced no charges and is again playing.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Former Central Michigan University football player Darren Paul Martin was arrested for unlawful imprisonment, assault with intent to commit sexual penetration, attempted sexual conduct in the third degree and a variety of other offenses.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Two University of Arkansas, Monticello football players were arrested for a home invasion and "inappropriately touched" a woman in the house they robbed.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Former NFL player David Meggett was arrested and charged with raping a 21-year-old woman in her North Charleston, S.C., home, authorities said. Meggett had been out on bond in connection with another sexual assault charge.

But Michael Phelps smoked pot.

Kobe Bryant scored 61 points in New York the other night, leaving Knicks fans cheering and prompting Ted Green to write a flowery article about him in the Los Angeles Times that included this passage:

His one big mistake in Colorado, followed by the ugly divorce from Shaq, made it easy for the haters, gave them plenty of ammunition, and they happily loaded up, some still firing to this day.

But today, it all seems so old, so 2004, so tired, past tense and out of touch. So childish.

In the same paper, you'll find this: "Michael Phelps could face criminal charges in South Carolina."

Because he smoked pot.

William K. Wolfrum is a regular blogger for Shakesville.