Posts by William K. Wolfrum

William K. Wolfrum is a regular blogger for Shakesville

McCain Hires Palin's Kenyan 'Witch Hunter' to 'Remove Evil Spirits from U.S. Economy'
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on September 26, 2008 at 7:40 AM.

Editor's note: This is obviously satire. Sadly, the same can't be said for the video at the end of the post.

WASILLA, Alaska -- In a move sure to enhance both his reputation as a maverick reformer and his relationship with conservative voters, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain has hired Kenyan Pastor Thomas Muthee as his chief negotiator in the ongoing financial bailout negotiations in Washington.

Muthee, who is credited with Palin's rapid ascension in politics by laying his hands on her, will fly to Washington D.C. later today to begin the process of "removing the witchcraft" from the troubled U.S. economy.

"Senator McCain is a proven maverick reformer and so is Pastor Muthee," said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds. "Huge government bailouts are not conservative methods. Fighting witchcraft, however, is. And no one fights witchcraft like Pastor Muthee."

Muthee, who first earned fame by chasing a woman out of his village in Kenya, has long been a close friend and ally of Governor Palin. He said he plans to do the same for the U.S. economy that he has done for Palin's political career.

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As Foreclosures Rise, Bush Declares "National Homeownership Month"
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on June 6, 2008 at 6:01 AM.

My long-time friend and colleague Petulant posted earlier about home foreclosures setting a record for the first quarter of 2008.

From that story:

Home foreclosures and late payments set records over the first three months of the year and are expected to keep rising, stark signs of the housing crisis' mounting damage to homeowners and the economy.

The latest snapshot of the mortgage market, released Thursday, showed that the proportion of mortgages that fell into foreclosure soared to 0.99 percent in the January-through-March period. That surpassed the previous high of 0.83 percent over the last three months in 2007.

The report by the Mortgage Bankers Association also found that more homeowners slipped behind on their monthly payments.

The delinquency rate jumped to 6.35 percent in the first quarter, compared with 5.82 percent for the three months earlier. Payments are considered delinquent if they are 30 or more days past due.

Both the rate of new foreclosures and late payments were the highest on record going back to 1979. ...

... As foreclosures and late payments climbed, financial companies took multibillion losses when their investments in mortgage-backed securities soured. A credit crisis erupted and spread, crimping other types of financing. The fallout plunged Wall Street in turmoil, disrupting the normal functioning of markets.

All those troubles have pushed the economy to the brink of a recession, if the country isn't already in one. Consumers and business have tightened their spending. Employers have cut more than a quarter-million jobs in the first four months of this year.

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Who Cares If Hillary Was in the White House When Her Husband Cheated?
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on March 20, 2008 at 5:57 AM.

WASHINGTON -- New found evidence has shown that President George W. Bush and Vice-President Dick Cheney were officially in the White House when two wars were ordered, leading to widespread death and a complete embarrassment for the nation as both wars turned into horrible failures while leaving the nation's military in shambles, according to experts.

The new evidence also points out that Bush and Cheney were in the White House as the nation's economy tanked, home foreclosures went through the roof, the federal deficit exploded, widespread corruption occurred, oil and gas prices hit record highs, and wealth inequality widened substantially.

The evidence also points that Bush and Cheney were in the White House when Habeas Corpus ceased to exist in the U.S., torture became legalized, and eavesdropping on Americans became commonplace.

When asked for comment, Cheney said simply, "So?"

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Vatican Releases New Mortal Sins, Includes Stem Cell Research
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on March 10, 2008 at 3:01 PM.

Hey, kids, gather around! The Vatican has come up with some more stuff we can't do!

Vatican lists new hip, modern sins

The Vatican has unveiled some new sins for the 21st Century, such as genetic manipulation, pollution and social injustice.

Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, the Vatican's number-two official for sins and penance, told L'Osservatore Romano that he saw bioethics as posing the greatest risks for the human soul.

"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control," he told the Vatican's official newspaper on Sunday in an interview headlined "New Forms of Social Sin."

The Roman Catholic Church has previously spoken out against stem cell research that requires the destruction of human embryos, believing that life begins at conception.

Girotti also attacked drugs, saying they "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence."

On the growing gap between rich and poor, he said it causes "an unbearable social injustice."

Pope Benedict has made several strong statements on the environment in recent months, saying problems like climate change had become critical to humanity's future.

Catholicism has two basic types of sin: Venial, which are relatively less important and forgivable, and mortal. Those can include acts like abortion and murder, although the church doesn't keep a well-defined list.

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With One Hand on McCain's Junk, Media Wonders Why It's Being Nice to Obama
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on March 5, 2008 at 6:25 AM.

It is amazing how high of an opinion the media has of itself. I mean, I was a journalist in college and have worked at several newspapers and magazines. I know what being a journalist is all about, Being a journalist means you were too lazy or stupid to attempt to get a degree in something more difficult. As I was told early in my college career, "Make journalism your major. Journalism degrees grow on trees and you won't need to study any math more difficult than fractions."

Usually, however, when big-maned journalists are caught being insipidly one-sided, they tend to react with shock and horror. Just read a few exchanges between Glenn Greenwald and any big-name media stars when they deign to respond to him. Mostly, their responses can be simply be summarized as "How Dare You Question Me?!?!"

Now, however, the media has found a new meme to follow, all due to the show "Saturday Night Live." A skit on SNL portrayed the media as being brutal on Hillary Clinton, while being mesmerized by Barack Obama and kowtowing to him. This, and a study by Project for Excellence in Journalism appears to have shown the media that they are being far too easy on Obama:

A harder look at Obama, post-`SNL'?

NEW YORK - Life imitating art or just a coincidence? A study of campaign coverage found the media took a sharper look at Barack Obama the week after "Saturday Night Live" spoofed journalists enthralled by his candidacy.

The NBC comedy show on Feb. 23 opened with a mock debate where journalists were rough on Hillary Clinton while being starry-eyed about Obama. It matched complaints the Clinton campaign had made -- and she even referenced the comedy skit during a real debate last week.

During the week, Obama was the dominant person in 69 percent of presidential campaign stories, according to a study by Project for Excellence in Journalism. That's the biggest percentage one candidate had received in any week this year.

Many of the stories took a tough look at Obama, such as a Feb. 25 ABC "World News" study on his Illinois legislative record and a "CBS Evening News" report on his career three nights later.

It's hard to say whether "SNL" acted as a de-facto assignment editor, since some of the stories were probably being prepared before the NBC show aired, but it did seem to crystallize a thought that had been percolating, said Mark Jurkowitz, the project's associate director.

"There were a lot of factors at play," Jurkowitz said. "But there's no question the skit, if nothing else, was perfectly timed."

Is it possible that the media is now looking at itself in a mirror and seeing that the way they portray candidates matter? Well, if it is, the mirror only goes up about chest high, because for the life of them, those in the mainstream media are truly unable to see the unending handjob they give GOP Presidential nominee John McCain.

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Bill O'Reilly Suggests He Could Possibly Lead a "Lynching Party" on Michelle Obama
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on February 20, 2008 at 2:10 PM.

Highlighting the differences between golf announcer Kelly Tilghman's use of the word lynch and Bill O'Reilly's use of the word "lynching" in a post I penned for WorldGolf.com, I was struck by something that I didn't include there but wanted to mention here.

Why is it that political entertainers such as O'Reilly, Coulter, Savage, Limbaugh and Beck strut about so cockily, advertising themselves as people who fearlessly "tell it like it is," but they all recoil and flee like frightened bunnies if they're called racist?

Here's the word "Racist," as defined by Merriam-Webster:

1: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2: racial prejudice or discrimination.

Why is being called a racist something that they deem offensive, when by definition, they are in fact racist? Are they so cowardly that they cannot accept the public scorn that comes along with being self-identified racists? Is lying about yourself a better quality?

Racists are scorned by society and will continue to be. The world would be a better place without those that blame their own weakness on someone with a different skin pigmentation, or someone who was born in a different part of the world. If, if not when, humans finally make this planet uninhabitable for humans, racism will have played a big roll in how it all went wrong.

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Glenn Beck: Walking Proof There Is No God
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on February 7, 2008 at 3:18 PM.

If you are a person of faith, here's a little test for you: Watch, listed to, or read Glenn Beck for five minutes. If you come out of that still a believer, you are truly faithful. Because there's just no way a higher power - A freakin' God - could create such an incompetent moron.

Skimming through an article by Beck today on CNN, I was struck by a few things. One, it's eerie that for a man that just had ass surgery of some sort, his face is so, well, ass-like. Note the image I made specifically for this post to the left. Uncanny, eh? And what is it with these right-wing entertainers that they have such complicated asses? They parade around in disgust over other people's asses, but theirs seem to have endless problems. Enough to get them out of the military, in some cases. But I digress.

Basically, Beck - who makes Jonah Goldberg look like an astute intellectual by comparison - put together a piece today about how right-wing entertainers don't have any real power, so it's not their fault that McCain will be the GOP nominee. Or something like that. He's just not really very interesting so I sort of skimmed through. But one line caught me by surprise. I mean, I like to point out that folks like Michael Savage and Ann Coulter are just soulless entertainers, trying to make a buck. And Beck flat out admits it:

My job is to entertain. Period.

Which brings me to my final point: If this guy is a powerless entertainer, why in the hell does CNN and CNN's sponsors give him such a big platform to unleash his entertaining hate speech? I mean, David Duke isn't doing anything. If you're going to give a guy a show just to be a hateful entertainer, why not give Duke an hour on your Network, the most trusted name in news, from what I've been told.

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Arlen Specter to Stand Strong Against Illegal Spying -- In the NFL
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on February 4, 2008 at 5:14 AM.

This post was originally published on 2/2/08

This is rich. Arlen Specter has spent the last few years trying to be the Senate's voice of reason when it comes to the government eavesdropping -- and that voice has continually reasoned that everyone should do everything Bush and Cheney and Co. want, including giving immunity to law-breaking telecom companies.

Not satisfied of being an impotent toadie of the Bush Administration, however, Specter now wants to really break open the Eavesdropping scandal. The barely existing scandal in the NFL, that is.

"Senator wants to know why NFL destroyed Patriots spy tapes"

WASHINGTON -- With the Super Bowl fast approaching, a senior Republican senator says he wants the NFL to explain why it destroyed evidence of the New England Patriots cheating scandal.

"I am very concerned about the underlying facts on the taping, the reasons for the judgment on the limited penalties and, most of all, on the inexplicable destruction of the tapes," said Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., in a Thursday letter to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Specter, the top Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, said the matter could put the league's antitrust exemption at risk. In a phone interview with the Times on Thursday, he said the committee at some point will call on Goodell to address the antitrust exemption as well as the destruction of the tapes.

"Their antitrust exemption has been on my mind for a long time," he said in a Capitol Hill news conference Friday.

Let's see, everyone knows the U.S. government is spying on its people, and have use private telecom companies to do it, even before Sept. 11, 2001. For his part, Specter has created a bill to protect the telecoms - then lied about it. He's introduced one impotent bill after another, it seems, and has been the ultimate example of why bipartisanship means "lie, cheat, or force the Democrats to do what we want" in Republican-speak.

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Fox Business Network Has Destroyed U.S. Economy
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on January 22, 2008 at 6:14 AM.

Ok, that headline may come off as misleading. Actually, Conservative economic policies and the Bush Administration have been the ones that have lead the U.S. economy to the point where the world is starting to engage in widespread panic.

But, six of one, half-a-dozen of the other.

But the evidence is overwhelming. Fox Business Network came on the air on Oct. 15, 2007. According to Barry Ritholtz: "On the last trading day before FBC debuted, the Dow closed at 14,093."

On that Friday, Oct. 19, 2007: The Dow Jones Industrial Average sank 366.94 points, or 2.64%, to 13,522.02. The S&P 500 was off 39.45 points, or 2.56%, at 1500.63, and the Nasdaq Composite plunged 74.15 points, or 2.65%, to 2725.16.

Today, the Dow is at 12,099.30. And trading hasn't started yet.

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Chuck Norris Says He's for Huckabee Because McCain Is Too Old, Would Die in Office
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on January 21, 2008 at 7:55 AM.

Chuck Norris, star of stage and screed, has said the main reason he decided to have he and his beard support Mike Huckabee for the GOP Presidential nomination was out of fear that John McCain would die in office if elected.

"If John (McCain) takes over the presidency at 72 and he ages 3-to-1, how old will he be in four years? Eighty-four years old -- and can he handle that kind of pressure in that job?" Norris said. "That's why I didn't pick John to support, because I'm just afraid the vice president will wind up taking over his job within that four-year presidency."

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GOP Down to McCain or Huckabee Amid Field of Kooks
Posted by William K. Wolfrum, Shakesville on January 4, 2008 at 7:52 AM.

Well, that was easy enough. Because while the big pundits all say not to put too much weight on the Iowa Caucus, I'm not a big pundit. I'm a small pundit, you see. A "pundi" as they were called in ancient Greece, where the grand "Pundits" spoke loudly in front of big audiences, while the "Pundis" sat on their own porch, murmuring to the cat.

I am pundi. You are my cat. And after Iowa, the GOP race is now down to Huckabee or McCain, says I. For the GOP, the Iowa Primary was significant beyond compare.

Now I know Giuliani has his strategy, or whatever, but the best thing for him this week was that he was out of the public eye. Because soon, he'll start speaking and doing things in public, and people will check on his past, and it will be found that he strangled some dude in a coke deal, or something awful like that. This is why Donald Trump would never run for an office. Giuliani is the Donald Trump Candidate. And the more people get to know him, the more horrified they'll be.

Aside from that, Romney showed that he has yet been able to prove to Republicans that he has taken every one of his core beliefs and changed them. Thompson did Ok, but his "Hey, I'll take the Presidency if you want to give it to me," style has not really appealed to mainstream America.

For the GOP, the winners are clear. Mike Huckabee and John McCain. Let the "Big Pundits" say Iowa doesn't mean anything, but for the GOP, at least, it certainly did.

Basically, for the GOP, the situation is this - Mike Huckabee is going to win this damned thing. And maybe it's time to start supporting a man who can beat him in McCain.

Yeah, McCain only got 13 percent, but about two months ago, everyone though he'd dropped out. I wrote him off myself. It was the thing to do. But now he's back. And re-re-re-packaged himself as the only old-school Republican of the bunch. The fact that he's completely out of touch and will be 78 is nothing compared to the other candidates. They are as kooky a group as you'd find in the kountry of Kookyland on Planet Kook during "Who's the Kookiest Group Day."

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Magna Carta to be Bought, Branded With Asterisk
Posted by William K. Wolfrum on September 26, 2007 at 11:00 AM.

This post, written by Wolfrum, originally appeared on Shakesville

When fashion designer Marc Ecko purchased the ball Barry Bonds hit for his record-breaking 756th home run, he created an online poll and let the public decide what he should do with the ball he bought for more than $750,000.

The end result - Ecko will mark the ball with a large asterisk then send it to Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame. The asterisk is a sign of protest by the many fans who believe Bonds' achievement is tainted due to rumors and allegations of steroid abuse by the San Francisco Giants slugger.

This idea appears to have crossed over, as now a historic document appears ready to go through the same treatment.

H. Ross Perot, billionaire and former candidate for President, has announced he will auction off his copy of the Magna Carta. The 13th century document, which was on display at the National Archives in Washington for more than 20 years.

The document explicitly protected certain rights of the king's subjects -- most notably the right of Habeas Corpus, meaning that they had rights against unlawful imprisonment.

The copy is expected to fetch a price of up to $30 million at auction. Nonetheless, several potential buyers have come forward saying they plan on "Bondsifying" the document with a large asterisk before donating it back to the National Archives.

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Is O.J. Simpson On The White House Payroll?
Posted by William K. Wolfrum on September 14, 2007 at 2:05 PM.

This post, written by Wolfrum, originally appeared on Shakesville

While I stand firm in my belief that conspiracy theory believers are barking (incessantly in many cases) up the wrong tree, I do admit to understanding the attractiveness of many conspiracy theories. And it's not like I'm totally immune to them.

After all, literally five minutes ago I came to the conclusion that O.J. Simpson is getting his marching orders directly from the Executive Branch.

"Police: Simpson questioned in alleged casino theft"

(CNN) -- Former college and NFL star running back O.J. Simpson has been questioned as a possible suspect in an alleged theft, a Las Vegas, Nevada, police spokesman said Friday.

Sgt. John Loretto of the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department said there was an allegation of a theft, "involving Simpson as a suspect."

"We're waiting right now to see if we can put together a press conference," Loretto told CNN. "We haven't arrested him or anything else; the investigation is very preliminary right now."

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Vegas Mayor Threatens to Kill N.Y. Times Columnist After Anti-Sex-Trade Column
Posted by William K. Wolfrum on September 6, 2007 at 2:00 PM.

This post, written by Wolfrum, originally appeared on Shakesville

Remember the scene in the movie "The Untouchables" where Al Capone, as played by Robert DeNiro, brutally murders a lackey with a baseball bat in order to prove a point?

For Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman, the scene was obviously how he views the real world.

"I have no use for him. I'll take a baseball bat and break his head if he ever comes here," Goodman said of New York Times columnist Bob Herbert, after Herbert's column "City as Predator."

The point the mayor wanted to prove? That if some N.Y. columnist wanted to shine a light on the sex trade and prostitution business of Las Vegas, he'd murder them with a baseball bat.

But the sex trade and prostitution business of Las Vegas desperately needs a light shined on it, and Herbert did a fine job of doing just that.

"City as Predator"

There is probably no city in America where women are treated worse than in Las Vegas.

The tone of systematic, institutionalized degradation is set by the mayor, Oscar Goodman, who told me in an interview that the city would reap "tremendous" benefits if a series of "magnificent brothels" could be established to cater to johns from across the country and around the world.

"I've said there should be the beginning of a discussion of that," said Mr. Goodman, a former defense lawyer for mobsters who unabashedly describes his city as an adult playground where "anything goes -- as long as you don't go over the line."

Most of the lines in Vegas have long since been erased. It is without a doubt, as the psychologist and researcher Melissa Farley, says, "the epicenter of North American prostitution and sex trafficking."

Make no mistake about it, Goodman is a mobbed-up thug. Take a look at Inside Vegas at AmericanMafia.com for any further proof you need. There, former Las Vegas Councilman Steve Miller has a seemingly endless amount of stories highlighting the Vegas-Mob connection, and Goodman's secure place in it.

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